Two Solitudes, Protect and Touch
by Arise Sir Knight
Summary: The characters' romantic involvement intensifies and as Arthur reveals his past, the outcome is unforeseen...
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1 : NEVER PLAN THE FUTURE BY THE PAST**

Merlin sat on the sofa in his friends' London flat with his stockinged feet on the coffee table, he was miles away thinking. Soon Victoria joined him, balancing on his thighs so she could watch his every move. Finally bored, she curled her front paws under her and with a deep sigh, rested her chin on him and closed her eyes.

He thought of his life since he had met Arthur. Life was good, he had a friend whom he trusted. The bad times were still there but he had to confess that some days passed without that sickening feeling of being a failure.

He attributed it in part to his work with his current counsellor. He knew that the memories would never fade completely but they no longer commandeered his mind twenty-four seven.

He'd been told from the beginning by the medical staff at the hospital that he would be facing a long recovery, and need a counsellor to guide and support him. He had found it difficult to talk to the stranger as felt that he was just a file in the man's possession. The counsellor was cold and remote and didn't see him for what he was, a patient who was fragile having suffered abuse.

Merlin decided the university recommended therapist hadn't helped. Deep down, he felt that the man considered him guilty of encouraging an older man for the purpose of a relationship. The fact that the man in question was a well known senior veterinary professor and his patient newly hired, made it difficult for the older university counsellor to deal with this patient whom he saw bi-weekly. Why the police had not charged the man further clouded the sessions. The abuser had got away with a slap on the wrist as he had voluntarily checked himself into anger management therapy and agreed to take a sabbatical. The sex had been consensual but certainly the continuing abuse had not.

Merlin had no confidence in his therapist and slowly withdrew further into his mind.

He blamed himself for the agony he had put his mother through. She had even taken time off to spend it in Millsill with Gaius so they could look after him. Finally, Gaius his great uncle had stepped in and spoken to a friend of the family who had a practice in London. He was a good friend of Merlin's a few years older than him and he had agreed to take over his case as a favour.

Merlin was surprised with Adam's attitude, he had received all the medical and police reports and he had built up a file on him. His attitude was completely different, he made Merlin feel as if he were important and that he really wanted to help him. His attitude was noticeably more positive than the first man whom Merlin had seen and he surprised himself at his willingness to divulge the awful mess he had been in.

At times, it had been so emotional that he had been unable to speak but slowly with Adam's help, he began to accept that his abuser was an experienced man who had singled him out under the pretence of friendship. If it hadn't been him, it would have been another unsuspecting adult. They were to learn later that he had been cautioned for the same actions when he had lectured in the States.

It helped that he had known Adam for years but he still remembered the embarrassment of having to explain the degrading things that he had experienced and how he had felt. He remembered one moment when after an intense session, he had said quietly, "Adam, I wasn't bad, all I wanted to be was loved…!" He blamed himself for being so immature but with Adam's help he slowly shifted the blame onto his abuser. Adam took his time letting Merlin progress at his own speed.

Together over the year, they had reached the stage when Merlin could walk around the block without racing back to Adam's flat from an imagined pursuer. The first time it had happened, Adam had found him hiding under the kitchen table, convinced that the man had got into the flat.

When Adam was at his clinic practice, Merlin became able to answer the flat phone with only a faint suspicion in the back of his mind that it would be Neil getting in touch. He could take the train by himself down to Millsill. He even enrolled himself in a French language course. He met people and soon was able to converse normally with them.

However, unexpected events could set him off. One day, Adam's partner had returned home with a senior medical partner. Merlin had lost it and Adam had followed him as he charged out of the room and held he'd him as he thrashed around wildly. He didn't settle until the sedative Tim had prescribed had taken affect.

Tim had later apologised for being insensitive but Merlin had insisted that he himself had been at fault for being so insecure. He liked Tim and knew that he had not been malicious, it was just an honest mistake that he had not mentioned about the other cardiologist, thereby allowing Merlin to prepare himself.

Merlin had smiled weakly saying, "Sorry, I guess the good doctor will think twice about coming into this house again!"

Adam had grinned, this was more like the old Merlin.

-0-0-

He came back to the present and looked down to see Victoria. He smiled at her; she belonged to Tim but over the difficulty years, she had accepted Merlin as part of the family. He fondled her ears which correct for a King Charles Spaniel were heavily haired and pendant. She opened one eye and looked at him before leisurely closing it.

He knew what she wanted. It wasn't difficult, she'd been out in the garden, had her breakfast and if Merlin wasn't doing anything, which he obviously wasn't, she'd like to go out for a walk.

Without any intonation in his voice and spelling the keys words, he said, "Would you like to g-o for a w-a-l-k?" She lazily thumped her tail on his knees when she heard his voice. He said again, "Want to g-o o-u-t?" he decided that dogs didn't really understand spelling unless they were trained to or there were other visible clues, like standing up and walking to the door.

He tried again, "Veux-tu faire une promenade?" That produced no reaction so Merlin added, "Guess, Tim and Adam have never taken you to Paris!"

She stretched and her paws hit him where no righteous man likes to be hit, He said, "Ou…!" She looked at him, hearing a key word and not waiting for the final consonant, woofed as if to say finally and walked over him to reach the sofa before dropping to the floor and racing out of the room. He knew he would find her sitting in the kitchen looked beseechingly at her collar and leash hanging on the back of the door.

Served him right he thought for teasing her. He decided he had time to take a quick jaunt around the square before hopefully hearing from Arthur.

-0-0-

As they sauntered around the square, Merlin was again deep in thought. As he got his life more on an even keel, he'd spent a lot of time with his uncle in Millsill, helping him in his veterinary practice. He had managed to return to his position at the university after two years absence during which time he had been classified as on official sick leave. He'd got himself a new flat closer to his friends and tried to forget all about Neil Carver.

One week in Spring, he was working for Gaius who was away and he had delivered a foal at the Throgmorton Highland Pony Stud outside Millhill. He grinned to himself; he had met the rather obnoxious son of the owner and something had taken root.

"Ice cream?" he said to Victoria and together they picked up speed and made their way to a little corner shop which sold necessities. He paid for one cone and an extra empty one then sat in the park and Merlin gave Victoria little pieces of her cone. The first time they had done this, he had just given her the whole thing. She had demolished it in seconds and then looked at him pleadingly until he had shared the bottom of his. This resulted in thawing ice cream dripping on his jeans and he had had to eat up fast.

He remembered going to supper at Throgmorton the Pendragon home, once his uncle had returned. Arthur was present with a friend called Gawaine from the city and also Uther Pendragon. The meal had been interesting not as much for the food as for the behaviour of the man he had classified as a git after first meeting him in the barn. He had then returned to Cambridge.

"Come on we'd better get going as Arthur will be phoning." He smiled, he wondered if Arthur had realised what he was biting off when he had met him in London the following Friday at The Naked Knight and asked him if he could see him the following day. Poor man, he had been thrown into a world he had never expected but Merlin could say proudly that Arthur had stood by him.

By the time, they returned to the house, Victoria decided that she had had an exhausting morning and went to have a lie down and Merlin got ready to meet Arthur. He hoped that they would be going out. Merlin decided Arthur was a real trooper, he wondered how well he himself would have received the news if it pertained to someone he knew…and liked.

-0-0-

Arthur had not slept well. His mind wouldn't let him rest. It would seem to be blank and then some of the things which Adam had told him had happened to Merlin way before he met him would insinuate themselves into his mind and he'd be off again worrying.

He walked out onto his balcony all the city lights were still on, he didn't want to know the time as it was immaterial. He was also worried because, he had never heard back from Merlin. He had promised to phone him and he hadn't.

He thought, 'If I had shared those events, I would be afraid deep down that the person I had told, once he had escaped from the house would have had second thoughts about having anything to do with me.' Hopefully, that was not the way Merlin felt as he had no intention of walking away from their friendship.

He really liked the man and in the silence of his heart he substituted the word love. It was too soon to discuss that but they got on so well together and Merlin's smile and touch did something to him which made him feel like Christmas and all his birthdays had been rolled into one.

It was something new for him. How had he managed to get so far in his life without looking at another man? He didn't understand. He'd spent his whole life at a boys only boarding school and he had never had an interest in anyone apart from their athletic prowess and in Gawaine's case his all round mad attitude to life. He'd had his fair share of escapades with the fairer sex but they were always the result of being thrown together for social functions. He's never gone looking for their company but he hadn't refused it if it were offered. He laughed to himself, 'As long as there were out of his condo by morning!' No one had ever made him feel as he did when he was thinking about Merlin.

…and that awful man had abused him, taking away his innocence and inflicting his will on him. Arthur let his mind wander. If he had met Merlin earlier, he might have been able to change the course of events but he hadn't and although when Merlin visited his great-uncle Gaius who was his father's friend and vet, he was only ten minutes by car away from Gaius's yet he had never met his great-nephew.

He smiled into the darkness, reliving that moment during the supper with Gaius, Gawaine, Merlin and his father when it had suddenly hit him. He had been looking at Merlin when suddenly, he had lifted his eyes and made direct contact with his. He was thrown by the intensity of the feeling and had retreated into his shell like a shocked snail. He wanted to stop everything and just gaze at Merlin. Gawaine had teased him afterwards for sitting like a sack of potatoes and not saying anything but it was beyond his power to form a sane sentence. It was then that he knew that his life to that point was over, he had met a man whose very existence was challenging him. He was drawn to him, he fascinated him and little did he know then, but Merlin felt the same way.

He knew he should be getting into bed and at least trying to sleep. He wouldn't be very good company tomorrow if all he did was yawn and try to keep his eyes open.

How had Merlin survived all those months of abuse? He was obviously very strong mentally.

It made him sick to think of what Merlin had suffered not only the physical but also the mental abuse. Would he have survived that?

He sat on the edge of the bed and clicked on his TV and hoped that it might help him fall asleep. He tried to remember the fun things they had done, he knew for Merlin the trip down to Greenwich and seeing the poppies at the Tower had pleased him but he felt that also he had enjoyed just sitting with him and talking. He remembered the kiss blown from the Cambridge train and then the dark thoughts had returned.

He'd been unable to reach him by phone it was as if he had disappeared at one point he wondered if maybe he had done something wrong but how could he find out and apologise if Merlin refused to answer his calls. Then that strange voice and he had realised that something was wrong.

He was limited in contacts, he couldn't speak to Merlin's mother or Gaius as he didn't want to worry them and then he had realised whom he should call...Adam! He knew approximately where he lived, the street if not the exact number but it was a Georgian house, which he thought had black and white tiled stairs leading up to a door which he seemed to remember as blue.

Sleep still evaded him and he decided to continue in his train of thought as maybe when he reached the immediate past, he would be able to sleep. He'd been in Kenya during all this fiasco and had contacted Gawaine and asked him to get him a number for the people whom Merlin stayed with when he spent his weekends in London. He knew them only as Adam and Tim.

Gawaine had come through and soon, the hunt for Merlin was underway and he was found a captive chained to a bed in the cellar of the house where his flat had been. Held captive by the very man who had abused him years ago. The police were involved and Merlin was hospitalised.

He felt himself getting more tired, he had just a few more facts to straighten out. Merlin had returned to London with Adam and once Arthur was back in England, he had agreed that Merlin if he would like to see Arthur, could invite him to their house. Little did he know what he was in for when he had accepted to go to Adam's for lunch.

His heart started racing as he again saw Merlin's expression as he asked Adam to explain his unfortunate relationship with Dr. Carver. Merlin had lost all colour in his face, it had gone grey and expressionless as he was obviously reliving the situations he had found himself in. Arthur at one point had wanted to cover his ears and tell Adam to stop but one glance at Merlin had told him that it was his story and he had the courage to share the whole nasty mess with him. The least he could do was support him by listening. He remembered slipping his hand in his and receiving a brief squeeze.

Deep down he knew that Adam had given him a sanitised version of the events as it was up to Merlin if he ever wanted to, to go further. Arthur could again feel the horror as Merlin himself began to explain a few things. Of all the people in the world, why had that man had to have been in the same faculty as Merlin?

Then happier thoughts had taken over. Merlin had survived, he had wanted Arthur to know what had happened to him and…he had let him accompany Victoria and him on a walk around a park and had seemed happy to receive the little giraffe from Nairobi.

 _Suddenly, he sees Merlin at university, there is a shade following him and he doesn't seem to realise. Arthur tries to catch his attention but he seems oblivious to his calls as if he is purposely ignoring him._

 _Arthur doesn't want to be brushed off like that. He speeds up as do Merlin and the shade, in the end he is racing along the Broads and being outdistanced by Merlin and his follower._

 _Exhausted, Arthur sits on a bench, his head in his hands. He is determined to save Merlin whether he realises the danger he is in or not._

 _He feels someone beside him and realises he's not alone Merlin is there._

 _He begs, "Hang onto me, Arthur, I don't want to go…don't let me go…I want to stay here with you."_

 _He is rudely jerked away by a chain around his wrist. Arthur gets only a quick glimpse of the man who is leading him away. He's a knight in full armour, wearing a helmet with a visor down. His cloak is green as is the plume on his helmet. Merlin is wearing untidy trousers, a blue shirt, leather jacket and a kerchief._

 _Arthur looks down and sees his own chain mail and red cloak. The green knight doesn't have a chance against a Knight of Camelot. He swings his sword and decapitates Merlin's captive._

 _Merlin falls to the ground and Arthur carries him into his bed. He covers him with a duvet and lies beside him and falls asleep._

-0-0-

Arthur woke and reached for Merlin, his bed was empty and he realised it had been a dream. Merlin had never phoned him last night. He wondered if he should phone him later but remembering that both Tim and Adam were going to work he decided it would make more sense to phone now but speak to Adam to see if Merlin had told him why he had never phoned last night.

The phone call explained everything, in the background he heard Tim talking to Merlin asking about breakfast.

He smiled when later Merlin phoned, apologising for not calling and explained about the sleeping pill…

"Are we getting together today?" Merlin asked and Arthur smiled…he had spent the night worrying about nothing.

 **The title is from Letters To a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke 1875-1926. 'Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.'**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 : WITH THE LOOKS OF A GRECIAN GOD**

"Coffee sounds good but is there anything else you would like to do afterwards. It's your choice, Merlin!"

"Can I come to your place for lunch?"

Arthur laughed, "You can, but we'll need to get some food in. How about I meet you and we have a coffee and a light lunch, then do some food shopping, as boring as that is and then, finally go to my place and cook up a storm?"

"I'd like that but I'm not much of a cook. Are you any good at it?"

"Well, I can make eggs and bacon and even crepes. Don't worry, if it looks as though we're going to make a real mess of things, I'll send out for something."

"The story of my culinary adventures is that invariably everything is edible but not really presentable, certainly not suitable to be on display for guests." Merlin added laughing, "I once cooked a turkey and when my mother saw it, she was shocked at how I had managed to choose such an emaciated bird. Gaius came in and had a good laugh as there was nothing wrong with the bird just that I had it placed it in the oven as it might have run around on the farm with the wings on top and the legs down below.

"How was I supposed to know that the majority of people cook them lying on their backs with their legs in the air?" Then he laughed as he realised what he'd said, "That is the turkey, not the people cooking it. Anyway both of my guests agreed that the breast meat was exceptionally moist and tender. Gaius attributed it to the position the poor bird had been in the oven."

Arthur said, "I'm not a person to be fazed by how the food appears, to me the taste is more important."

"Great, then one day, when you come to Cambridge, I will cook you a Wings Up Chicken, my specialty."

"And I'll critique it as the culinary expert I am!" Arthur said laughing. "So, where do you want to meet?"

"You know the little cafe next to The Globe, that would have been my first choice but on a Bank Holiday weekend, it will be too crowded." Then Merlin suggested, "However, I know a nice little place where we can get great coffee and even a sandwich. I think it's a Greek place by its name..." He knew he had Arthur guessing.

"Sounds good to me. Where is It?"

"Close to St Paul's Underground, you can't miss it as it is the only Greek sounding restaurant there. Then we can walk over to a nearby grocers and pick up food."

"All right! When?"

"Half an hour?"

"See you, Merlin!"

"See you, Arthur!" Merlin grinned to himself thinking, 'Let's see how long it takes him to figure that out.'

He went off to clean himself up, he stood in the bathroom looking in the mirror, the face looking back at him seemed relaxed even happy.

What was it about Arthur that had him feeling so positive? He knew deep down that he really wanted to see him again and it wasn't because he had nothing better to do, he was making a choice to be with him.

In his mind, there was always that lingering fear that he was being taking advantage of but with Arthur he didn't feel that way. He felt that the shoe was on the other foot. He was as much as involved in what they were going to do, even more maybe as Arthur seemed to rely on his suggestions. He thought to himself, 'It had been my decision to go to Greenwich and the Tower and even the Globe.' It was such a change from being told, where he was to go, what he was to say and even what he was expected to wear. He shook his head; why did memories of his years with Neil keep trying to infiltrate his mind when he was happy? Bad enough he should have experienced them without them staying in the back of his mind.

Adam would have said that in time they would fade but he had never promised that they would go completely. It made him very sympathetic to people who had experienced tragedy in their lives and who had never been able to regain their former independence either mentally or physically. He could understand the saying: 'bad things happen to good people'. He might have been a little immature and innocent but he hadn't deserved to have been treated the way he was by someone who was in a position of authority.

He shook his head and came back to the present. He must think positively if he wanted to spend a day without Neil shadowing his every thought. With all the experience he had had in the past, he no longer believed in absolute trust but with Arthur he at least felt safe. He could talk to him and he just knew somehow that he wouldn't force him into any situation that made him feel uneasy.

He said aloud to the person in the mirror, "Today, I'm going out to have a lovely time. I trust Arthur and I enjoy being with him!" He nodded at his reflection and went to get his jacket.

-0-0-

By the time the tube was almost at St. Paul's station, he had a grin on his face practically from ear to ear. An older lady sitting opposite him had grinned back and said, "You seem to be happy! Going to spend a day with your girlfriend?"

Merlin shook his head and said, "No, just a friend…"

"Well, whoever it is they obviously make you happy. Enjoy yourself!"

He smiled at her as he got off the train thinking, 'There are still some very nice people in the world.' As he made his way upstairs, he remembered reading once that the effort it takes to smile is nothing compared to the good that the person receiving the smile experiences. That was something he liked about Arthur the openness of his smile; he laughed to himself he had turned into a love-struck teenager.

That thought left him feeling uneasy, he really knew little about Arthur himself. He knew of his family, his business, some of his friends but what about Arthur the man, who was he, how did he feel about the myriad of problems in the world? He shook his head as he stepped out onto the street. This was his nerves exerting themselves, he was his own worst enemy. He was here to meet Arthur for lunch and he was determined to have a nice time.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spied the Costa's outlet where he was to meet Arthur. He laughed to himself. How long would it be before Arthur twigged that this was the Greek sounding restaurant? He made his way to the door and looked around, Arthur had not yet arrived so he went in ordered a chai latte and walked outside to the little patio, reserving a table while there was still one available.

His mind went back to the day Nick had told him a new Kostas had opened in Cambridge and how he had gone up and down the block before realising that in only hearing the name he had felt sure that it was Greek. Nick had teased him for weeks afterwards, saying, "Obvious to see that you are not an English Major!"

Then he saw _him_ , looking like an Adonis, walking down the street without a care in his mind. The sun had caught his hair and he seemed to be crowed in gold. His red sweater and tan jacket made him stand out. He saw two women giving him the once over but he was oblivious and Merlin wanted to stand up and say, "Over here, Arthur!" so that they would realise that he was with him. However, he didn't he just enjoyed that fact that he wasn't the only person who appreciated his looks.

Merlin watched Arthur scanning either side of the street for a Greek sounding restaurant sign. He seemed perplexed as he came down the pavement toward Costa's and Merlin had to stifle a laugh as he walked right by. He'd kept his head down and lifted his latte so that as Arthur walked by he wouldn't be noticed.

He looked at his watch thirty-five minutes past the hour, he'd give Arthur five minutes and then he would go and find him before he gave up and went home.

Arthur came wandering back still obviously searching. He stopped and looked at the Costa sign and it was as if a lightbulb had gone on in his brain. He grinned a look of relief on his face as checking out the customers, he saw Merlin.

As Arthur approached him, Merlin said, "Surprise!"

Laughing back, Arthur said, "If I wasn't a nice person, I'd throttle you. I even stopped a couple to see if they knew of a Greek restaurant and they said I must be in the wrong area as there were as far as they knew, no such restaurants in this area." He plonked down in the seat opposite Merlin, "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to get a tea and a table. I saw you when you walked by and was going to call out to you but the joke only works if the person finally realises the Greek connection to the name."

"Well, I'm glad not only to see you but that you managed to get us seats. The area is crazy with all the holiday makers and tourists."

"What do you want to drink? I'll get you something."

"Just a coffee, please!"

"Care to share one of their lemon tarts?"

"Sure, go ahead, I'll have to keep up my energy to stay a step ahead of you mentally."

As Merlin, walked by him, he let his hand rest on his shoulder and Arthur's opposite hand grabbed it and he said, "Hurry back!"

"Does that refer to me or the coffee I'll be bringing?"

"Both!" said Arthur with a grin.

They sat happily people-watching until both had finished their drinks. Arthur felt satisfied just sitting there within reach of Merlin, knowing that he needn't say a word...as just being beside him was sufficient.

-0-0-

Merlin felt safe, no one here knew anything about him or his chequered background. No one was whispering behind his back. No one was judging his behaviour. He glanced at Arthur and could see a worrying look in his eyes, "It's all right," he explained, "Just a little blimp from the past."

Arthur's smile returned and he said, "Don't dwell on it, you should never have to apologise for the past, it's the present and the future that are important. Come on, we have to get groceries, any idea of what you'd like to eat?"

"Definitely Greek!" said Merlin with a laugh as they left the table and Arthur groaned...

"There's a Sainsbury's on the next road and then we can take a taxi, if we're laden down with groceries."

"Or a donkey!" Merlin said as he took hold of his hand.

Arthur hadn't realised that Merlin has such a sense of humour and for an instance he wondered if Neil had tried to stifle it. He wouldn't, as he enjoyed people with nimble minds.

-0-0-

Arthur afterwards felt that there should have been a price for admission to shop with Merlin in a fine food department. It started when they decided upon the menu, Arthur had agreed to allow Merlin to choose and Arthur's heart had dropped. His cooking skills didn't allow him to even contemplate something Greek. However, Merlin took it all in stride and led him to the Meals-To-Go department.

"We can get the main course here. How about a nice serving of baked fish and another of Moussaka?" Arthur nodded. "Then, we can buy some pita bread and olives and some prepared stuffed palm leaves, little spinach pies…maybe some anchovies and feta."

"How do you know so much about Greek food? Have you been to Greece?"

Merlin was amused and said, "Not that exciting, I'm afraid, the closest medium priced restaurant to the university was Greek. We used it for get-togethers or celebrations. That reminds me, do you have any ouzo?"

"Doubt it, probably whiskey, vodka and possibly rum and some gin. Sorry, I don't drink much, it's mostly for visitors."

"Not to worry…now you find the makings of a nice salad and some olives and pita bread while I look for other delicacies"

Arthur set off and finally met Merlin once he had all that he was supposed to. Merlin had a few things in his basket which he transferred to Arthur's.

Arthur smiled as he saw tiramisu and baklava, 'Good...dessert!' he said. Then he eyed a jar in Merlin's hand, "What in heaven's name is that?"

"A special treat, you'll like it."

Arthur reached over and took it. He grimaced as he saw miniature tentacles. "What is it? God, it's disgusting. No way would I eat that, it's as if you are eating a baby."

"Well, you eat lamb, don't you?"

"Yes, however, I don't eat foetal sheep."

"They're not foetus, they are babies. Shall I put it back then?" said Merlin looking downcast.

Arthur had to smile, if Merlin wanted baby octopi who was he to deprive him. He put his hand on his arm and said, "Merlin, you can eat whatever you want. If you want them you can get them."

Merlin looked at the jar again and had second thoughts, he said, "I'll put it back. I'll get some calamari instead." Arthur nodded, fried adult octopi was fine but not the little ones.

"Have we got everything we need?" he asked Merlin.

"I think so, it will be like a gastronomic feast that in years to come, we will fondly remember." He smiled as he said it.

Arthur was mesmerised, once again that wonderful feeling overtook him. He slipped his arm around Merlin's waist and he felt him lean back comfortably and just grinned back.

Arthur loaded the cart with the cucumbers, artichokes and various ready made dips. He insisted on paying the bill for all they had bought, and then laden down with supplies, he hailed a cab.

Sitting surrounded by their groceries, Merlin leant against Arthur and said, "Arthur, can we do that again?"

Arthur laughed and said, "We haven't even eaten yet, maybe it won't work."

"It will, I promise, trust me, it will be a meal to remember!" He snuggled into Arthur and when they drew up to his condo, Arthur regretted that he didn't live in Greenwich. The mood would be broken once the cab stopped.

Finally, Merlin had all the ingredients laid out. He assembled everything after putting the fish and moussaka in the oven. Arthur set the table.

Waiting for the meal to heat, Arthur and Merlin stood on the balcony overlooking the Thames and people watched. The crowds were still milling around on Tower Hill and walking across Tower Bridge.

"Does it ever get quiet here?"

"Yes!" Arthur laughed, "Mid-winter, when it's raining...between three and three fifteen in the morning! Maybe, one morning..."

The pinging of the stove stopped their conversation.

Merlin walked back into the kitchen and turning to Arthur said said,"...to be continued?"

Arthur put his arms around him and pulled into his chest. "Promise?"

"Yes!" Merlin said simply.

...and Arthur knew that he meant it.

The meal was a success, even the calamari which Merlin had fried in batter so that they were light and moist, so often Arthur had had them and the flesh had the texture of rubbed bands.

Merlin had entertained him throughout the meal and it did Arthur good to see him so positive. He knew that there would be flashbacks and serious times as Adam had warned him but at the moment everything was going well and more importantly Merlin seemed relaxed and happy. He wished he had met him before his first encounter with Neil but it had not happened. He wondered how many times Merlin had been at Throgmorton with Gaius when he was also there, either entertaining friends or just being at home.

He stood and walked over to the couch and Merlin followed him and sat in the chair opposite him.

Arthur knew that regardless of how much you wish you could, you cannot change the past only influence the future. He was totally engrossed with this man and he intended to proceed carefully so that their friendship would grow and Merlin would realise that he was a good type and a very sensible person without whom he couldn't live. Well, that was if he still wanted to have anything to do with him once he had told him of his previous life style. How would he ever start that conversation?

He shook his head and smiled sadly and a voice said, "Are they private thoughts or can I be included?"

Arthur suddenly came back to the present and realised that he had been not only miles away but not the best host. How long had Merlin been looking at him, maybe even wondering if he was having seconds thoughts about having invited him to his condo? He blushed as he thought where his mind had been and said, "I was thinking…"

"Pleasant thoughts obviously!" Merlin said with a knowing smile, and Arthur realised he'd noticed the blush.

"Sorry, I was miles away. Nothing important…well nothing so world shattering that I should have zoned out, I apologise, Merlin, it was rude of me."

"Don't apologise, as I have a habit of doing the same, although my thoughts are usually very intense and sometimes rather frightening."

Arthur looked at him and realised the effort it cost to make that statement. He patted the couch beside him and reached for Merlin's hand so that he would sit next to him, once he settled Arthur said, "I know it is silly saying that I know how you feel as I have never experienced anything like you have but I want you to know that I feel for you. It hurts me to see you upset and I know that there is nothing I can do to help but listen and maybe to tell you that…" he had backed himself into a corner and didn't know how to get out and then he decided, to hell with it, he would tell the truth, "…to say that, Merlin, I really like you and I hope that we can continue being friends…!"

Merlin looked at Arthur and felt that he could feel the intensity of Arthur's feelings and he moved closer so that he was leaning against him and said, "Arthur, those few words mean more to me than you realise. I'm a wreck inside but with you, I seem to see the future not the past…" he grinned slightly and said, "I even think that Adam knows that you are good for me 'cause as silly as it sounds, I don't think he would have given me his blessing to go off by myself if he didn't trust the person he knew I was meeting up with."

Arthur shifted and put his arm across Merlin's shoulders and he slipped into the protection of Arthur's side. They sat there both enjoying the proximity of the other and Merlin said, "I can't make any promises, Arthur, I can't jump into a full blown relationship because I'm not ready but I would love to be your friend, maybe your special friend at that…"

Arthur leant forward to claim his lips as if to seal the idea that this was the beginning of a long term friendship which might in the future lead to more. He thought, 'I love him, I really do! I can't explain how or why but I know that he's the man for me.'

As Merlin thought, 'Please God, help me learn from my past and then give me the strength to forget it so I can look forward to my future…with Arthur!'


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 : PLEASURE OF FRIENDSHIP**

They were still cuddled on the sofa, "I've missed being held by someone other then my mother or Gaius," Merlin said with a little smile. He became serious almost immediately adding, "It was difficult as the first time Gaius went to hug me once I was released from hospital, I pulled back, stiff as a rod, only to then burst into tears and cling to him like a baby."

Arthur murmured, "He would have understood, Gaius is a special man and you should be proud to have him as a great-uncle."

Merlin sniffed, "I know, I think it was just a reaction to being abused by Neil and then prodded and poked by doctors. There was one lady doctor and I felt safe with her but it took time for me not to race out of the room, when a strange male doctor appeared."

He continued to explain that the abuse counsellor at the hospital said that it was to be expected but that one day I would be almost back to normal. There was a long pause and then Merlin said in a quiet voice, "...and I almost was and then it happened again!"

Arthur's left hand was making circles on the back of Merlin's head as he was speaking, there was nothing he could add to what Merlin was saying, as it was not anything which he had ever experienced.

However, Merlin talking about Gaius had reminded him of something from years ago. He told Merlin that his father was not an emotional man and he remembered the day when his pony had dumped him on the far side of a jump and his leg had been badly sprained.

Rob had run to the stable for help and Gaius had come to the field. He'd checked his leg and told him that he would be as good as new in ten days and then had insisted carrying him back to the house, the feeling of a pair of strong arms around him had broken a dam which must have existed for years and he had sobbed against Gaius's neck until they reached the forecourt. There he had heard his father's voice and he had tried to change into a brave little soldier, his father expected him to be. He had been all of seven years old.

They sat comfortably in silence and then Merlin put his hand on Arthur's knee and said, "That was fun, can we do it again sometime? I like shopping."

Arthur took his hand and said, "Yes, as long as it isn't for another Greek meal. Next time you feel Greekish, we'll go out."

Merlin chuckled and it sent a feeling of closeness through Arthur Then standing up, he explained, "I have to go, even though Adam knows where I am, he'll expect me back before it's too late. He's been very good to me over the years and I don't like making him worry about me."

Arthur insisted on calling downstairs for a cab when Merlin wouldn't let him drive him home. "I can take the tube," he'd said.

"No!" Arthur said, "I insist as this way, I'll hear from you sooner that you are already safely home."

"...and I promise that I won't fall asleep before I call you."

"May I see you again tomorrow?"

"Yes please, Arthur! ...and the day after that and the day after that..."

Arthur laughed, "I have to go to work on Tuesday but I would really like to go out again this weekend, if that is all right with you."

They were standing near the door and Merlin snaked his arm around Arthur's neck and looking down at him kissed him. When they finally broke apart, the intercom sounded and the concierge's voice was heard to say, "Taxi is here, Mr. Pendragon."

Arthur pushed a button and said, "Thank you, will be right down."

Merlin grinned and said, "I'll have to remember that we have an open line to downstairs. Don't want the whole world to know about us just yet."

"No fear of that as it only works if the button is depressed by someone at this end, otherwise the desk can hear nothing."

"Thank heavens!" Merlin said and kissed Arthur quite audibly.

Arthur saw Merlin into the taxi and Merlin gave the driver his address. It wasn't until he arrived outside Adam's and tried to pay that the driver assured him that Mr. Pendragon had taken care of it his end. Merlin smiled to himself and slipped the driver a generous tip.

-0-0-

Early Saturday, Uther phoned to say that he wanted to see Arthur for two hours in the office on Monday regardless of the fact that it was a Bank Holiday which he usually ignored anyway. His father's chartered plane was due to arrive at London City at nine o'clock on Monday and he said that he would see Arthur from ten to noon.

Arthur who hadn't been in the London office for seventeen days had to agree. He phoned Merlin who said that fathers were not unlike dairy cows in labour, everything revolved around them and when the time came, they took priority in the barn.

Arthur loved the comparison and knew that whenever in the future, he saw cows heavy in calf, he would think of his father.

His father's order as he wouldn't call it a request, annoyed Arthur. As it was time, he had intended to spend with Merlin. He would have to be back to regular hours on Tuesday and Merlin had also mentioned that he had to return to Cambridge on Tuesday for another police interview which he hoped would be the last as well as a medical appointment. He'd stay over until the Friday, before returning to stay at Adam's.

When Arthur called he said, "Mrs. Byrne phoned checking up on me as she was worried. She asked if I would like her to clean my flat." He paused as if arguing with himself, "...I have to go back there as it is where I live and work. I agreed and she was happy. I told her I'd see her on Tuesday and she offered to get in some milk and knowing her, all my laundry will have been done. She always looks after my plants and used to look after Daisy before..."

Arthur wanted to tell him not to go there, however he knew that talking through what had happened was part of the healing process. "Couldn't you wait until someone can go with you?" he suggested.

He could here the laughter in Merlin's voice as he said, "I'm a big boy now, I'm not going to a strange environment but somewhere I have called home for the last two years. I'll be fine. Cambridge might not be as busy as London but it has attractions as you'll see when you visit. I'll be going to Nick's for supper on Wednesday and if you behave yourself over the next few days, I might let you phone me every night before I go to bed."

Arthur said, "Is that a request or an order?"

"I'll let you know when I see you later..." Merlin said which made Arthur's heart somersault.

Merlin and Arthur finally met up at the British Museum. They had planned a lazy day which Arthur felt that spending it with Merlin would make it memorable.

Over coffee, he invited Merlin to go down to Millsill the following day and they could take Gaius out to supper. He also suggested that Merlin stay over at Throgmorton.

"I'd like that! I really would but I am not sure that it would be the best idea. I might find myself in a stressful situation of my own making. Can you understand, Arthur? I want to but..." he paused before adding, "I'd love to go down with you and take Gaius out but I think I'd better stay with him. I have my own room there and my dog, Tilly"

Arthur said, "Merlin, I wasn't suggesting anything, you'd have your own room. I don't have an ulterior motive."

Merlin smiled saying softly, "I'm sorry, Arthur, can you understand? I know I'd be safe with you but it's me... Can you belief, I would turn down such an offer from a handsome man?"

Arthur felt torn, now was not the time to start trying to explain his own situation, he wasn't ready, he didn't know when he would ever be but it was unfair to keep his situation a secret forever, especially as Merlin had been so forthcoming with him. If Merlin was going to walk out on him, he preferred it to be close to home. Then he felt guilty as if he were close to home then Merlin wouldn't be and he'd be left upset and he would have to get home by himself.

Taking Merlin's hand in his, he held it moving his thumb in little circles, "I'm just happy to be with you during the day. I can see how you'd prefer to be in a familiar place overnight...anyway, I can just see Gaius's raised eyebrow if you had told him that you were staying at the big house with me unchaperoned."

"You think so? He's be torn with being happy for me and worrying about Uther's reaction if he should find out that you had company."

"You don't have to worry about that as I have my own wing and often have friends over. For heaven's sake, Gawaine even keeps some clothes there he is quite possessive of 'his' room as he calls it!"

"Let's phone Gaius to see if he is available. Explain that you'll be staying with him and that he won't have to put up with me for supper."

Merlin grinned, "Not anything too negative with having to put up with you, is there?"

For a second, Arthur wondered if Merlin had learned about his former sexual preferences and was teasing him but then he decided as he only knew Gawaine whom he had met on two occasions, he doubted that his past life had been discussed. He waited and listened to the one-side conversation Merlin had with his uncle.

Merlin nodded his head at Arthur and then said, "Great, We'll pick you up at...?"

Arthur suggested six o'clock and Merlin continued, "…six o'clock Sunday, to be wined and dined!" He then finished the call and nodded at Arthur.

"See how easy that was, Merlin. Did he seem happy with the idea?"

"Yes, as he said that he was going to check my room and give Tilly the once over!"

Arthur smiled, "Seems to me that you have a cleaning staff at your beck and call wherever you go."

"Not really, as I am quite a tidy person and it is just an easy dust around. Where are we going to eat?"

"Leave it up to me and I promise you will be pleasantly surprised."

"You're not threatening to cook are you?"

"Not likely! Kitty won't let me in her domaine except to make a sandwich and cups of tea. She is most particular about her pots and pans and her knives, she treats them as if she were a professional knife-thrower." He noticed that Merlin went quiet but he perked up again and he thought nothing of it.

Merlin had momentarily felt a sharp pain in his chest where Neil had taken a sharp knife and scratched his initials over his left breast. He remembered him saying sweetly and gently with an underlying threat, "Just to make sure that everyone knows that you belong to me."

Even with all their personal baggage and the London crowds, the two of them had a relaxing day. Merlin was to later summarise it as 'Costa Hopping' between attractions.

Arthur had been invited back to Adam's for supper. He got on really well with Tim and Adam, the two of them were very protective of Merlin. Adam never asked Arthur any personal questions about his previous life and Merlin had them all laughing about the Greek meal the two of them had made.

Tim offered that the next time they wanted to eat something special that they let him know and he would do the shopping and make a slap-up meal for the two of them. He laughed saying, "Cooking is the joy of my life!"

"And where does that leave me?" said Adam in mock dismay.

Tim laughed, taking his hand and kissing it. "I don't think you have any reason to question that...do you?"

Arthur and Merlin laughed and Arthur then said, "About the meal, ask Merlin. I'm not an adventurous eater. I do not have a 'you'll love this surprise' palate. However, I did eat a giraffe steak in Kenya." The shocked look on Merlin's face stopped him from going any further and he finished lamely, "Well...the chef assured us it was giraffe and...they are not endangered!"

He could have kicked himself; he had been trying to be clever but now the look on Merlin's face went right to his heart. He hated him; he was sure of that! He had eaten giraffe and it had been advertised as tasting similar to chevaline but as Arthur had never, and would never have consciously eaten horse meat he had had nothing to compare it with. He decided the best thing was to keep quiet and let Merlin who probably because of the field he worked in knew more about exotic meats, have his say.

Merlin didn't look directly at Arthur, he looked down at the table saying, "Giraffes may not be endangered but they face threats from hunting and habitat loss. Most of the meat is available through poachers specialising in bush meat. I'm surprised the hotel served it."

This was the first time Merlin and he had had any altercation unless you consider the pickled baby pickled octopus. It hurt to be criticized and he noticed Adam putting his arm on Merlin's saying, "I don't think Arthur purposely sought out the meat, it was offered to him. Come on Merlin, if the hotel served it, it was probably obtained legally through a registered culling programme.

Merlin still would not look at Arthur, "Sorry, in my profession we see and learn some rather disturbing things."

Tim and Adam carried the conversation for a little while longer and then Tim went to get the dessert and Merlin slipped his hand into Arthur's and said, "That was silly of me. I've never been to Africa and I shouldn't have criticised you."

Arthur feeling relieved said, "Maybe one day, you and I could visit there together."

The conversation returned to normal and after coffee, Arthur made his departure. Merlin saw him out and put his arms on his shoulders. "I'm sorry for before, as you can see, I sometimes get a little heated and jump the gun whenever animals are concerned."

"It was my fault, I was showing off and realize now that it really wasn't conversation suitable for the dining table of people I don't know very well… Goodnight, Merlin!"

He slipped away from Merlin's arms but Merlin caught his wrist, "Was I that rude that I don't get a goodnight kiss?"

Arthur turned his eyes full of tears, "I didn't think that you would ever want to see me again. I thought that you despised me and wanted rid of me."

"Arthur, we're soulmates, we're going to have disagreements and then we'll make up. By the way," he said with a grin, "What would Gaius think if we stood him up? I expect to see you on this doorstep at ten tomorrow morning." He smiled at Arthur and again put his arms around his neck and gave him a kiss which left Arthur almost breathless. He waited until Arthur's cab left and then with a smile on the face walked back into the house.

"So, I see you two have made up," Adam said as he passed him in the hall. "Tim and I are turning in and the dessert which you didn't eat at supper is in the fridge. You've got a really good boyfriend there, don't push him away..."

Merlin said almost immediately, "But, Adam, he's not my boyfriend!"

"Whatever!" said Adam with a grin as he walked towards his bedroom.

-0-0-

Merlin lay in bed waiting for Arthur's telephone call to let him know that he had arrived home safely.

Was he maybe his boyfriend? They had never discussed being more than friends. Was he ready with his past history to even consider having a boyfriend? Well, he guessed he could but only if the parameters were well defined so that Arthur expected nothing beyond friendship. The doctor had explained that he would know when he was ready to have sex again but that was the farthest thing away from his mind at the moment. He was still under a regime of tests and anyway, he wasn't in the mood for anything more that kissing and an occasional cuddle.

He realized that Arthur had never initiated anything, never asked for anything beyond a kiss. Had the knowledge of his life with Neil and his subsequent abuse of which he was totally aware, turned him off?

He liked Arthur, he was attracted to him, he felt safe with him and he liked having physical contact with a man again, as low key as it was.

Adam had explained to him that each person was different. Some abuse victims might try to convince themselves they were back into the swing of things by delving immediately into the club scene and if anything becoming more reckless than ever in their choice of partners. Others would never again trust anyone to touch them and it might take years for them to accept their past.

Merlin decided that he fell closer to the latter than the former. He'd only had one sex partner in his whole life, he had thought it was going to be a lifelong relationship but he was wrong. For nearly three years, he had lived on the fringe of the gay scene. He smiled remembering how one day, he had met an obnoxious git who had reached into his heart and captivated it.

He rolled over to face the window and let the light from the street light shine in his eyes, he realized he was in love and...his phone rang.

He grabbed it, in his haste knocking it on the floor, he said, "Shit!" worried that Arthur would hang up but he didn't and Merlin was able to grab it and clamber back on the bed.

"Did I disturb you, Merlin?" Arthur asked with a suspicious laugh.

Merlin blushed and tried to assure him that the phone had fallen on the floor.

"A likely story!" Arthur had said. "Anyway, I'm home safely and checking in. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Don't forget your overnight bag as otherwise you'll be wandering around in the buff at Gaius's tomorrow night..."

"I'll have you know Arthur that I have lots of clothes down there even an extra toothbrush. I could walk out of here tomorrow empty handed and need nothing."

"All right! I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing when I disturbed you," Arthur said laughing. "See you tomorrow..."

"Arthur, honestly, I dropped my phone..."

He heard Arthur saying, "I'm just teasing. Sleep tight, à demain!"

Merlin set the alarm for seven and put his phone on the bedside table and pulled the clothes over him and lay there. He ran through everything Arthur had said and again blushed. He promised himself that he'd get him back in the nicest of ways for that comment.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4 : MAN'S BEST FRIEND**

Arthur expected to sleep well, tomorrow he'd be going to Throgmorton with Merlin. They'd have the place to themselves as his father was away and he'd given the staff time off. He'd phoned Burns telling him to see that there were essentials in the house but that he would not be needing anyones services and that his father wouldn't be back in London until Monday morning.

He smiled to himself and snuggled into the bed and fell asleep to dream of course, of Merlin…and he did.

-0-0-

" _But I didn't keep it a secret purposely, I just hadn't found the right time to tell you!" Arthur insists._

" _Right, that you had bedded nearly every eligible girl in London and were planning to use me as a Guinea pig to experience how the other half live." Merlin is furious, "Did you not consider that I've had a rough enough time during my life and now, when I feel stable, you come along with your lies and empty promises."_

 _Arthur knows that Merlin had fallen for him. But it wan't one sided as he loves Merlin as well. He knows that he is devastated that he has found someone he likes and that he trusts, now learning that that person had been withholding important facts about his past life. "I should have told you all along but I didn't know how to broach the subject."_

" _Great, why haven't you said, 'Oh, by the way, Merlin, I'm straight but I would like to see what sex is like with a man! I wouldn't have let myself fall for you. Adam warned me he said that you were too good to be true. Gaius warned me about not being swayed by your family fortunes and Gawaine told me that you were a cad but no, did I listen? Not one bit," he pauses, looking at Arthur as if his heart is breaking then says, "I'd rather you leave right now, so that I don't have to look at you any more."_

 _Arthur looks around, how did this happen? Who has been spreading untruths about him? He has not bedded as Merlin put it, nearly every girl in London. Compared to some of his friends, he doesn't even fall into the 'sleeping around' category. Any he slept with he thought that he liked them and that they liked him in return, the fact that nothing ever materialised beyond a couple of nights isn't his fault. A few were rather demanding young woman and he wasn't ready to declare his intentions._

 _Merlin is storming around the flat, Arthur knows that he is furious ready, to strike out. Arthur has no fear of him, he knows him well enough to know that Merlin will never hurt him physically…emotionally that is another thing. He thinks he understands that he feels disillusioned and blames himself completely. Arthur is wary of him, why he hadn't already broached the subject, he doesn't know? It's too late now obviously and he only hopes that Merlin will calm down and not hurt himself. He is to blame; however deep down a little spark keeps him going that maybe and one day Merlin will listen to his side of the story._

 _The door bell rings and an older man charges in past him, saying to him under his breath, "Get out, he's mine!"_

 _Arthur knows who he is. He goes to the hall closet and grabs his jacket, his phone and his wallet and wanders out onto the street. He goes to hail a taxi and sees that the sign which usually says 'Occupied' now reads 'No Pendragons'. He can't find the door to the underground parking and there are no buses._

 _Then he sees a group of his friends coming towards him and he calls out, they ignore him and walk by as Laurence pushes him into the gutter and the others stomp on him. Someone grabs his jacket and hauls him to the edge of Tower Bridge and hangs him over...he feels the jacket tighten around his midriff and he struggles to breath…_

 _-0-0-_

He woke up tangled in his bed clothes, gasping for breath. He lay there until his heart stopped hammering. He would have a talk with Merlin later today, he wanted it out on the table, he'd fallen in love with him and before it went any deeper, he needed to explain himself.

He tried to remember the dream. Merlin was furious, claiming he had deceived him. There had been something about Adam, Gaius and Gawaine but he could no longer remember what it was.

He knew that Merlin had been sad and had thrown him out, he smiled slightly as it had been out of his own condo. The older man was the bastard Neil and he remembered a teacher once telling them they should never speak ill of the dead. He felt indignant, if he had still been alive he wouldn't only been speaking ill of him.

Slowly, he drifted off again and this time, Merlin was in his arms…

-0-0-

True to his word, Arthur was there early in the morning ready to drive down to Millsill. They chatted non-stop in the car, laughing at little episodes from their respective lives. Gawaine often was mentioned by Arthur and Merlin had fond memories as he remembered Gawaine's hesitant phone call about meeting up in London that Friday night.

Merlin talked about his friend from Cambridge called Nick who had stood by him through his troubles with Neil. "He wanted to take him on but at that time I still wasn't sure that his behaviour was all negative as he was sometimes loving and caring and he made me feel good about myself."

"But not always…" Arthur said sympathetically.

"I realised the hard way that always being overly protective was not love, neither was being controlling and overly critical. He used to lock me in a laundry room when he was annoyed with me and I used to sit on the floor nursing my head or wherever else he had managed to make contact with me and wonder if this was what love was really about. Did one person always have to be right? In the end I was so frightened of him that I would never challenge him about anything, not even where we would eat or which TV show we would watch."

Arthur's heart was breaking hearing more of the story and he knew that there were many things which Merlin still could not talk about.

"One Friday, we had an argument about something as stupid as my haircut and he told me in future that he would go with me and decide which style I should wear. Honestly, Arthur, I thought he was being funny but he wasn't, he grabbed me by the hair and shoved me once again into the laundry room, locked the door and left. There was no window but I had my phone in my pocket and was able to keep a check on the time. I was there for twenty-eight hours. I tried to phone my mother but I couldn't get a signal.

"When he came back he was all lovey dovey and showered me with gifts as his interpretation of love. I hated him that day and had convinced myself that I should run away. It sounds silly as you think of children and dogs running away but I was a grown man and I couldn't stand up to him and the only way out was to escape."

Melin got a worried look on his face. "Can I tell you something which I have never told anyone? After a really brutal session, I staggered into the kitchen and took one of the knives and…" Arthur wasn't surprised as he couldn't blame Merlin for wanting to kill him. Merlin continued, "…and I held it over my wrists and wondered how painful it would be to end the whole thing. I didn't though, I heard him coming and I put it back."

Arthur pulled over onto a grassy verge as they were driving through a little village.

Merlin said with a wry smile, "Can't concentrate on the road as my story is so entertaining?"

Turning to him, Arthur slowly reached out and said, "See that bench over there I used to come with the housekeeper and feed the ducks while she visited an old friend. I think it would be a good idea for us to take a little break and get some fresh air."

He got out and walked around the car, first taking something out of the boot and then opening Merlin's door, "Come on it will be good to stretch our legs." He slipped his arm around Merlin's waist and they walked to the bench. They sat there in silence and as if on command a flotilla of ducks and one swan came down the pond. "See, they are programmed…" Arthur said and reached beside him on the bench and got a metal tin and opened it to pour some gain into his hand, he scattered it in front of them and then waited to see who would be the bravest and leave the water to get it.

"Bread isn't good for waterfowl so, I just steal some grain from the feed bins at the stables and keep it in the back of the car."

"Do you often go around feeding ducks and rescuing lost souls?" Merlin asked.

"Only if the souls are very special and the ducks shaped like battle ships!" Arthur said trying to lighten the mood.

Merlin reached for the tin and said, "Sometimes when I was really down, I wondered if I were even worth saving…" he scattered more of the grain and to his surprise, it was the swan who came to investigate his offering.

"Good Morrow, Lord of the Rushie River," Arthur said formally.

Merlin turned in wonder. "Do you know that story? My mother still has the book she received from Gran when she was little. I loved that story and the illustrations, remember how the swans stole the dress that was hanging out to dry so that the little girl had something pretty to wear when her father came back from the sea?"

"…and the basket they used to carry so villages could give them food scraps. If only life was as beautiful…"

"But it is, Arthur, in some cases we just have to look a little harder, when I was taken into hospital after I managed to crawl out of Neil's flat. Mr. Stirling who had sat beside me on the floor, used to come to visit me. He had no friends and was the kindest man I have ever known. Through his visits, he met up with the family of one of his former friends whom he thought had died and they were able to get together again and now they meet up regularly to attend the Seniors' Club and have even returned to France to visit the sites of WW2 . So something nice happened to Mr. Sterling because of my problems.

"One day, I'd like you to meet him, he's around Gaius's age and a great gentleman. When we go to Cambridge, I'll invite him to join us for supper."

"I'd like to meet him because he was so supportive of you. He sounds like he was a friend in need. See that little cafe over there? They have the best ice-cream and the owner makes sandwiches, let's take a lunch break. And then our next stop will be Throgmorton.

-0-0-

They left the ducks and Lord Swan and had lunch. Arthur hung onto Merlin's hand out of love, afraid that he would slip away and he would never be able to find him until he was an old man like Mr. Stirling.

By the time they had reached the gates to the estate, Merlin was in a better place and was much happier and less anxious. Arthur drove in by way of the stables and they got out to watch Heather and her filly in one of the home paddocks, the little one was still coal black and Merlin laughed when he heard that Uther wanted to register her as Nocturne. "…and what happens if she matures a grey?" he wanted to know.

"Well, then her stable name will have to be Oops! She won't be registered for a little while yet so maybe by then they will be able to have a better idea of her colour. My father has also purchased a new horse, come and see him. They went behind another stable to a large paddock with two large horses, they were vanners, both piebalds. Arthur said, "The gelding is Samuel we've had him years he was a rescue but someone had the mare for sale and Rob, you remember him," Merlin nodded. "Well, he saw her and told my father that it would be nice for Samuel to have a friend the same size as him so little Clover arrived about a month ago. It was love at first sight, they seemed to realise that they belonged together and she settled in surprisingly fast."

"Will your father consider breeding her?"

"No, she's just going to be another one of our beloved lawn ornaments!" Arthur explained laughing. "Come on let's go up to the house and I can show you around. I want you to see more fully where I live and then when I'm here and you're in Cambridge, you'll be able to think of me sitting in various rooms when I speak to you on the phone."

That thought seemed so permanent that it send a thrill though Merlin. Maybe his days of searching were over and he had found the person he was supposed to be with. It was still early days but Arthur knew a lot about him and hadn't been turned off yet!"

-0-0-

Supper was a huge success. Arthur had, as soon as he knew they were planning to go to Throgmorton, made reservations at one of the local country hotels. To begin with, he was told that they were fully booked but upon mentioning the name Pendragon, his call was picked up by the manager who assured him that they would be able to find a table for three.

The food was excellent, the ambience perfect and the company unrivalled.

Merlin was relaxed and happy, to Arthur he literally seemed to glow. Gaius was happy to have a meal in the company of his nephew and his friend's son. They talked non-stop and when the meal was finished the weather was so nice that they decided to have a final drink on the terrace which had a panoramic view of the valley.

Many of the others diners were guests at the hotel and there were no raucous parties going on. Arthur wouldn't have been surprised to learn that there were never any raucous parties at The Corinthian as the diners and guests were always recommended by previous satisfied customers and the management wasn't shy in refusing guests even if they had managed to get reservations. The diners expected luxury; they paid for it and received it.

A chill had come up and they decided to leave. Arthur drove Gaius home and then he and Merlin returned to Throgmorton to spend the rest of the evening together. Arthur promising to bring Merlin back to his uncle's later on.

-0-0-

"Why did you have to tell me? I was so happy," Merlin looked at Arthur beseechingly. "Couldn't you have just kept it a secret?"

"Merlin, when we had sex you would have figured it out. I haven't a clue how things work."

Interrupting him, Merlin said as he shook his head, "You had sex with women, it's almost the same. I would have thought you were just shy or inexperienced."

"I'm both, Merlin. That's why I couldn't have this hanging over my head. If we became a couple, it would have broken my heart for you to later decide that I had withheld information which should have been declared prior to the event."

Merlin said, "You sound like a solicitor, cold and calculating..."

"Don't say that! I wanted to start what might become a permanent friendship on a level footing, no secrets. I wanted you to have no surprises. Merlin, I love you, that's why I told you."

"Arthur, can you please take me home?"

Arthur looked at him aghast but did not argue. He stood up and as he passed through the hall, he collected his car keys from the antique china bowl on the hall table. He didn't look at Merlin until they were in the car. He had his eyes closed and had obviously no intention of talking.

Arthur waited for Merlin to close Gaius's front door before he drove off. He had to stop half way home as he couldn't see the road for tears.

Arthur knew he wouldn't be able to sleep so he went into the library with the lights turned low and a glass of whiskey in front of him. He lay back on the sofa and slipped off his shoes, then his socks, he padded across the floor to get a blanket that was on one of the other chairs.

He curled up on the sofa and remembered what Merlin had never said...that he wanted to discuss it. He just wanted to leave Arthur's house.

Arthur mind was racing, he couldn't slow it down. Had he been wrong to tell him? Should he have kept his past exploits a secret? But what was it about trust and honour? What about lying, they just didn't go together. He knew that in years to come, regardless of the outcome that he would see that he had done the right thing. Then why did he feel so awful?

Given it to do over, he decided that he should probably have kept his mouth shut. Maybe it was too much too soon for Merlin to accept. He and Merlin would still have been sitting here beside each other holding hands, talking and possibly kissing.

Arthur said to the darkened room, "Bloody, idiot, why didn't you keep your mouth shut!"

-0-0-

Merlin knew he wouldn't sleep, he quietly climbed the stairs, to his room in the attic, Tilly at his heels. She had been ready to bounce around but he had shushed her. He sat in the chair near the window and patted his knees and the little Border obediently climbed up onto his lap. He hadn't the energy to undress so he just sat there hugging her.

He quietly told her everything that had happened. How even though Arthur's confession had surprised him, it had explained Arthur's lack of demands and laid back attitude. Merlin knew he had to make the decision, Arthur had left it up to him, he didn't plead but his eyes had said it all. He was sure that Arthur loved him but until he could accept the situation as it existed they were at a stalemate. Merlin was torn, would he continue the friendship and its possibilities or stand back and tell Arthur to come back to him once he's decided if he were really gay?

Merlin knew that he would be heartbroken if they decided upon a relationship to then have Arthur push him away within a year, saying he'd had second thoughts as he now and realised that he wasn't gay.

He had felt so sure about Arthur's being in his future. He needed time to digest the news and judge its impact on his life. He had never been as happy as he had been in the last six weeks. He'd found a great man, whose company he really enjoyed. They were very compatible with similar views and values...and then Arthur had dropped his bombshell.

The words had hit him in the gut, he hadn't remember how to breathe. He remembered that Arthur looked awful, he was shaking and Merlin's first reaction to his words had obviously done nothing to relieve his worries.

"I really do like him," he told Tilly who looked up at him and then nuzzled his hand. "I wanted to move over to him and hug him and tell him, that it would be all right, we would figure something out and not to be upset because I still loved him."

He had wanted to tell him that he had been brave and that he was proud that he had told the truth.

Nevertheless, he had said nothing for maybe four minutes, as he had relived his memories of being treated badly by Neil. His feelings of isolation and loneliness and his disgust while Neil continued to profess his love. The intimate side of their relationship became sordid and he wanted to die, whenever Neil would say, 'Oh, Merlin, I have something for you.' The worse part was that his body betrayed him as he had no control of it only of his mind and his heart which had remained steadfast. He had been wracked by self doubt which he was finally putting behind him and now the carpet had again been pulled out from under his feet.

He put Tilly on the bed telling her to stay. He then took a sheet of paper and wrote a few words then left the paper on his pillow. He left the house and decided against taking a car and set off cross-country to where he knew he was needed.

A gust of wind, blew through his open window and the note fluttered to the floor and the door was blown shut. Tilly turned around a couple of times on the bed and then satisfied with herself, she sighed and went to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 : DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR**

Arthur couldn't believe what had happened, he'd explained the situation to Merlin and he had been shocked by his reaction. He'd found Merlin so unbending, he hadn't even made any effort to understand how insecure he himself felt. He thought, 'You'd have thought that I'd been the one holding him captive...'

Suddenly, he began to feel uncomfortable as he thought of his confession from Merlin's point of view. He'd put behind him all those awful experiences of the past four years and had tentatively reached out to Arthur. It then must have seemed to him that Arthur had laughingly thrown his offer of friendship back into his face by acknowledging the awful secret.

Arthur argued with himself, that maybe he should not have told him anything. Who knew, they might only have stayed together for a couple of months and then just gone on their own ways? By then, he would have known whether he was really attracted to men.

Then the part of Arthur which represented his true self, came to the fore as the reality of what he had just thought hit him. Merlin was not and never would be a learning experience, he could have let anyone pick him up for that initial experience. Hell, maybe Gawaine could have connected him up with someone for a one nighter!

He put his head in his hands, he hadn't wanted a night with someone else, he wanted Merlin. Merlin to hold him and make love to him, to be beside him when he was fearful, to be by his side when he was on top of the world. To fall asleep feeling safe and loved, to wake up knowing that Merlin would be there,

He wanted to hold in his heart Merlin's smile when he first sees him and the feelings that his heart is going to burst when Merlin walks towards him.

He reached for his drink but stopped before even sipping it. He couldn't have lied…he couldn't have allowed all the wonderful things that might have come to be balanced on an untruth.

Better for Merlin to repulse him for the truth he had told than for him to turn around and say someday, "Sorry, Merlin, you were just an experiment that wasn't to my liking."

Could he have explained his situation any better? Had he maybe sounded boastful to Merlin? Alternatively, was it just Merlin's state of mind after what he'd been through with that Neil character, that made him seem so hardhearted. To him he had always seemed to be caring and thoughtful, understanding and what he had accepted as loving.

Arthur still hadn't touched his drink. For some reason, before he got completely drunk he wanted a clear mind to go through what had happened less than three hours ago.

The guilt he felt was beyond anything he had ever experienced. He was so stupid! How could he have so callously hurt the person whom he professed to love! He hadn't meant to, God knows, he thought he was doing the right thing but he obviously hadn't, as Merlin would never have stood up and demanded to be taken home.

The little thought kept revolving in his mind, 'If not now, when? Would there ever have been a right time?'

Was it that he didn't deserve a friend like Merlin? There was no truth in the accusation that he had been thinking of using him as a Guinea pig to see if he was or wasn't attracted to men.

He knew that deep down he loved him…still did. Never before had he experienced the overwhelming feeling of being willing to do everything possible to make another person happy, anything…he acknowledged to himself, even dying for them.

He slumped against the sofa. It was forgiving, it supported him and he felt safe, there was an important part of him missing, however he knew he was a survivor and would force himself to go on. He would keep and cherish the time he'd spent with Merlin. No one, not even Merlin could take away his memories.

His eyes became heavier and he knew he was going to drop off. He saw the untouched drink and his last thought was of his father saying, 'A bloody waste of good whiskey!'

-0-0-

Merlin made his way through moonlit woodland paths towards Arthur's house. He had not wanted to disturb Gaius by taking one of the cars so he had decided to head off cross-country. He had an innate sense of direction and he knew when he was easily within a mile of his destination. He waded through a stream, too wide to leap and continued up a hill. His shoes and jeans were soaking but he paid them no mind.

He kept going at as steady a pace as possible. The woods became sparse and were replaced by hedges and fields. He came to an old stone wall, he could have walked along it to find a gate but he decided to climb it. It must have been ancient and abandoned as plants and grasses were growing out of from between the stones, some of which were dislodged so he had carefully chosen an area which looked secure.

The wide wall no higher than four feet, had a depression on his side and he expected to find the same or maybe even a ditch on the other. He tested the stones and they held his weight, so he stood on one of the lower one and hitched himself up, they were slippier that what he had expected but he attributed that to the fact that his shoes were still wet from crossing the stream. He balanced on one foot letting his other foot find a higher stone and reached his arms up higher to get purchase on the top and pull himself over.

First he felt a slight shift of one of the stones and then his foot shot forward between two others as the original stone on which he had stood on fell to the ground. It happened so fast that he lost his balance as his leg went deeper into the wall than it would have seemed possible. He clung on with his hands and tried to extricate his leg but to no avail, the wall shifted further and he heard rather than felt his leg break. He could no longer hang on because of the pain and he fell backwards hitting his head on another fallen stone.

He came to, with blurred vision and in excruciating pain. For a second, he was unable to figure out why in the middle of the night he'd been climbing some stone wall and become trapped.

He lay there unable, because of his position to lift himself into a seated position, which might have been high enough to possibly pull his trapped leg out of the opening. He felt like the beetle he had once watched as it lay on its back waving its legs uselessly without any hope of righting itself…until he had given it a helping hand.

Things flew through his mind, he was trapped here and Arthur would return to London and find someone else and he would never know that he had truly loved him. That made him feel worse, he ended up sniffling, not sure whether it was from shock, pain, frustration or silly sentimentality. He checked his watch, it was nearly two o'clock. He heard a fox scream and he figured that unless it was rabid, it would be no threat. There were unaccountable rustlings but he wasn't worried, adders were the only poisonous snakes around and they weren't aggressive.

He was scared to raise his free leg to push against the wall to see if he could force his other leg loose, as he wasn't too sure how safe the whole thing was. He didn't particularly want to end up with a lapful of stones, which might do more serious damage to him than he had already done.

He wasn't sure what was on the other side of the wall. He had looked over it but his view had been limited. Maybe, there was a path and during the day someone out with a dog might pass by.

One good thing was that there were no trees overhead so he was comparatively in the open.

He didn't bother wasting his time yelling as there would be no one about. He tried to make himself comfortable and lay there waiting for dawn. Someone would find him in due course. Gaius would try to find him; Tilly might be able to follow his scent but how long before that happened.

The sky was getting lighter and birds were in full voice. He was sure that he could hear cows lowing and at one point thought that he had heard a motorbike. It had been the longest most uncomfortable night he had ever spent and over the last few years, and he'd spent some pretty rotten nights.

There was a dull ache in his leg but if he held it still, it seemed to lessen. He hoped there was no damage to either his ankle or his knee joints as a clean break to his shin would be preferable. He just needed to get his foot out of the damned hole.

-0-0-

Arthur had come to around eight o'clock; he woke lazily without a worry in the world. He stretched and was surprised to feel leather beside him instead of sheets and blankets. He felt stiff and still had on his trousers. His belt buckle had made a nasty indentation in his stomach.

He opened his eyes to see that he was still lying on the sofa in the library and then…he remembered.

He dropped his feet onto the floor and sat up. Seeing the full shot of whiskey on the table, he knew he wasn't drunk. He stood up and stretched. It was a bright sunny day and his life was in shambles.

There was no reason for him to be anywhere until tomorrow morning. He undid his belt and shuffled into the corridor and made his way to the kitchen. He was sure that Kitty had the holiday weekend off, so he made coffee and grabbed some cereal and milk.

Looking at him, anyone who knew him, would see that he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He sat in front of the half eaten cereal and nursed his coffee. He was too tied to think of doing anything beyond sitting where he was.

The house phone rang but he didn't bother answering it, if Merlin wanted to get in touch, and why would he after what he had said to him last night, he'd have called his cell. He finally stood up and putting the dishes in the sink took a final gulp of his coffee and went upstairs.

He stood looking out of his bedroom window and saw lights passing the far end of his drive but he wasn't sufficiently interested to pursue the matter. He dragged off his shirt and trousers and stood for a while contemplating life. He walked to his ensuite and let the hot water run in the shower. He knew that it would take time to warm up so he stood staring at himself in the mirror.

He wished he had never met Merlin! His life since then had been filled with hope and now having experienced that, he felt worse. He knew he would have to keep going. His father was not one to accept slovenly looks and slipshod work because of any personal problems.

"But it hurts!" he said to the figure in the mirror which was disappearing because the room was filling with steam.

He came to his senses and turned off the hot tap and ran some cold water, slowly adding the hot until he was ready to strip off and slip under the shower. He braced his forehead against the tiles and let the water wash away his tears.

Feeling better, he left the shower grabbing his towel and wrapped it around his waist. The time in the shower had cleared his head. He once again stood by the window and heard the house phone in his room clicking, knowing that it was ringing in the main part of the house.

Why couldn't people leave him in peace? He let the clicking continue until it stopped. He owed nobody his time, it was his to do with what he wanted and talking on the phone at the moment rated low on his list of wishes.

He remembered that it had been Gawaine who had come up with a way to disconnect the ringer but still let him be notified of calls by the clicking sound, just incase he wanted to pick up. He decided he would later phone Gawaine and meet him for a drink tonight, if he was free that was. There was no use staying here if Merlin wasn't around.

-0-0-

Gaius finally got back into his jeep and drove over to Throgmorton. He has been trying to get in touch with Arthur since he'd returned from an early emergency calving. Merlin had said that he would return to sleep at home but when he'd gone up to tell him that breakfast was ready, the door had been shut. He'd opened it to see Tilly flopping off the bed, Merlin was not there and the bed had not even been slept in. Gaius fleetingly wondered how Tilly had got into the room but at the moment it had seemed unimportant.

Gaius could have sworn that he'd heard a car sometime after midnight but now he wondered if he might have been mistaken as he had thought, 'Merlin's back!' and had then turned over and fallen back asleep to be woken by a panicking barn manager around three-thirty. Usually, Uther's Highland Cattle had no troubles calving but here was always the exception to every rule.

He just knew that if he could have talked to the main house and learnt that Merlin had stayed over, he'd feel better. He had, after the bad times that Merlin had been through, become more protective of him and if Arthur and Merlin later laughed about his checking up on his nephew, he wouldn't care. Maybe if during the Neil episodes, he had spoken to Merlin more often, he might have noticed something about his state of mind and have managed to step in before it had escalated into such a mess.

He pulled up to the front door of the Tudor House and was pleased to see Arthur's car in the drive. He decided that if Arthur was there, Merlin probably was as well and that the car he had thought he had heard was maybe an overactive mind.

He was going to drive away and then decided against it. It was nearly eleven surely they were up. They had spoken about going riding this morning and then going off for a pub lunch. He rang the doorbell and waited. The door was opened by Arthur in a bathrobe. He looked the worse for wear and Gaius had just shaken his head as the two of them had probably been drinking.

"Arthur, sorry to disturb the two of you but I was just being a nosey overbearing parent and checking up on Merlin?" He was shocked by the look which Arthur gave him, it was a masked mixture of surprise and distinct sorrow.

Arthur moved back into the hall and said, "Gaius come in? Would you like a coffee, I'll make a fresh pot?" As he walked away he said in a strangled voice, "Merlin's not here!"

Gaius's heart dropped then smiled he figuring that he was either still in bed or in the shower. "Well, I won't stay then," he said, "It was just that his bed hadn't been slept in and I was so sure I'd heard him returning last night."

"You did!" Arthur said, "I dropped him off and waited until he got inside…"

"Well, I haven't seen hide or hair of him which is unusual because he usually likes a good breakfast when he's here." He glanced at Arthur and thought he looked green around the gills and his eyes seemed shifty. He took a deep breath and said, "Arthur, is there something you want to tell me?"

Arthur went to sit at the table and Gaius sat opposite him. He'd never seen Arthur as upset for years.

"We had a fight, Gaius," he looked down and then glanced up and saw the look of shock on Gaius's face.

'Merlin wasn't a fighter what had happened.'

Arthur realised what Gaius was thinking and said, "I don't mean fisticuffs…it was a disagreement and he said that he wanted to go home."

Neither of them said anything, then Gaius said quietly, "Then, Arthur…where is Merlin?"

It hit Arthur right then that he would have accepted any arrangement which Merlin had wanted to make: to be acquaintances, to remain friends, anything as long as he could be in his presence even if not by his side. He looked at Gaius and said, "I don't know… He wasn't happy when he left here and we didn't talk once all the way back to your place but I just figured that once he was in your house he was safe. Are you sure he isn't there?"

"My house can hardly be described as a mansion. I checked all the bedrooms before I left. I even went over to the clinic as it's open till noon but no one had seen him. Tilly is still there and she was on his bed, so someone must have opened the bedroom door as I usually keep it closed because the two dogs are quite happy to lie on his bed whenever the opportunity presents itself."

Arthur turned to look out the window, the parkland around the house was lovely, dotted every now and again with trees and an occasional old stone wall. He saw his father's small herd of fallow deer on the hillside lying down chewing their cud. Everything looked bucolic, not unlike a Constable. He wished it were a romantic English painting; however it wasn't. Merlin was missing and Gaius didn't know where he was!

He shook his head thinking, 'What have I done? Why didn't I keep my mouth shut?' He turned to Gauis as he said, "It's my fault. I really upset him and then he closed down and wanted to get out of here…"

"What went on between the two of you, I don't need to know?"Gaius said levelly, "I just want to find my nephew."

Arthur wanted to pour out his heart to Gaius, he wanted to hear him say that he had done the right thing and that Merlin had just taken it the wrong way; however he couldn't. It would put him in such a bad light that maybe Gaius would never be able to forgive him.

He had to first of all find Merlin and then try his hardest to explain why he had decided to tell him the truth when he had. He would make certain that Merlin heard him say over and over again that he did love him and it was because of this love that he had spoken up.

He came back to the present to hear Gaius say that he would take the jeep and drive around the estate, Arthur said he would do the same but on horseback. There are lots of riding paths that are inaccessible by jeep. The Arthur stopped dead and said, "Gaius, do you think that he has already gone back to London?"

"Well, if he has he had no money with him, no phone as his cell was on the windowsill and his bag which he dropped off yesterday was still there. I feel that he is still around but where for the life of me, I don't know." He stood up saying, "It's now noon, I'll meet you back here at two and Arthur be careful, don't do anything foolhardy! He'll turn up eventually," his voice broke as he added quietly, "but I just want to see him now!"

-0-0-

Arthur went out to the stables and saddled up Yorick, his favourite hunter. He was big, sensible and knowledgeable. He never got lost and could remember his way home from anywhere on the estate.

Arthur put on his bridle and said to him, "Yo-Yo, I want you to alert me of anything which to you seems strange. I'll let you wander as much as you want but we have to find a very special friend of mine whom you met yesterday and his name is Merlin!"

Mounting up, Arthur walked down the main drive and turned right as he knew that Gaius had gone left. He had just under two hours to find Merlin if he was wandering around and if he hadn't hitched a ride back to London and Adam.

His heart dropped, that was one friendship to which he could wave goodbye, as Adam would never forgive him for putting Merlin through this. He put Yo-Yo into a trot and rode into the woods. He looked around him at the beautiful scenery and suddenly said, "God, please look after him, even if he never talks to me again…please, don't let anything awful happen to him!"


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6 : TRACKED BY A FOUR-LEGGED FRIEND**

The sun was beating down and Merlin wished that he had been in the shade of a tree. He had heard traffic in the distance but nothing near enough for him to start yelling. The pain in his leg had lessened but he could now feel that his thigh was throbbing and he felt that he had probably lost all feeling in his leg. He could feel spasms in his back and on top of that he felt sorry for himself. He tried not to self-diagnose but he knew from his work that the longer he stayed in this position, the worse the injury would be. He thought sarcastically, 'Here I am in a mess with no one for company.' He suddenly thought of Tilly and said out loud, "Tilly, when Gaius lets you out, please come find me…!"

-0-0-

Arthur was riding along and he thought he heard something. At the same moment, Yo stopped, put his head up and stared towards the pastures beyond the hedges and stone walls. Arthur lined his head between the horse's erect ears to see if he could find out what had caught his interest.

He saw nothing out of the ordinary and Yo finally turned his head as he lost interest. Arthur figured, he had probably heard an animal in the undergrowth or maybe even noticed traffic across the valley. He swung Yo round and they followed the old stone wall down to the bridge over the stream. He rode down the bank giving the horse a chance to drink. He glanced around listening for any noise which would be foreign to that area.

Checking his watch, he realised that he had fifteen minutes to get back to Gaius. He walked back up to the path and putting Yo into a canter rode along the wall to the parkland, keeping an eye open for anything out of the ordinary. The rhythm of his horse's hoofbeats lulled him into the false hope that Gaius had already found Merlin. He realised he needed to take a shortcut so he dismounted opening a gate which wouldn't have impressed his father. That section of the parkland was off limits to all riders and walkers and the gate was only used for emergencies. Arthur figured that this was an emergency and Yo raced across the area, watched with interest by his father's precious deer.

-0-0-

Merlin had dozed off; he awoke to the sound of a cantering horse and called out. He shifted himself and the pain hit him. The hoofbeats diminished and he was left alone. The feeling of elation had been so brief and he was once again experiencing self pity.

Why wasn't someone looking for him? Had Arthur returned to London? What about Gaius? Had he read the note he left and just figured that he was with Arthur? It started to drizzle and he felt abandoned.

Meanwhile, as the rain started, Arthur was arriving in the stable yard. Rob was checking on the horses and offered to take Yo from him. Arthur handed over the horse and said, "Rob, you haven't see Merlin in your travels have you?"

"No, he's not been around here. Have you tried Gaius?"

As he said that the jeep drove into the stables yard. Arthur said, "He's been out looking for him as well."

Gaius walked over and said, "Any luck?"

Arthur shook his head, "Nothing, I think Yo saw or heard something near the old stone wall at The Middles but I didn't hear anything. Rob, if you could take the dogs down there after you"re finished here, it would be appreciated."

Rob nodded, "They'd enjoy an outing and the rain seems to be letting up."

Arthur added, "Take McDuff, he could do with some exercise, as Merlin and I had intended to take him and Briar out today."

Arthur and Gauis got back into the jeep. Gaius said, "If I'm being truthful, Arthur, I'm worried. It's not like Merlin to take off not calling or leaving a note. Maybe, I missed something."

They drove back to Gaius's and were greeted by the two dogs. Gauis led Arthur up the stairs to Merlin's quarters which were the whole attic area. "See, here's his bag and his cell is on the windowsill. The door was closed this morning when I came up and Tilly was on the bed." Tilly wagged her tail as she heard her name. "You can see that the bed wasn't slept in just the depression on the duvet where Tilly was sleeping.

Arthur looked around the room. It was spacious with slanted ceilings and dormer windows. He could see an area with a desk and bookshelves and also through another door, a bathroom. Another area was set up more like a sitting room.

Gaius said, "Look around, Merlin won't mind! I can't understand why he would leave Tilly locked in his room?"

Checking the top of the desk, he found nothing. He then checked the bathroom, Merlin had not even unpacked his toothbrush. He shrugged his shoulders and looked embarrassed as he picked up Merlin's bag. Gaius nodded at him that it was all right to look in it.

He rifled through it and found nothing that he wouldn't have expected. He stood back and looked at the room from a different angle. There was a pencil on the windowsill, he picked it up and turned to Gaius saying, "Did you find a note or anything?"

Gaius shook his head, "Nothing! The room is as you see it now.'

Arthur got down on his hands and knees and checked the floor around the desk, it was from this angle that he spied a slip of paper sticking up from the carpet underneath the chair near the window.

He got up, walked over and moved the chair. Bending down he retrieved a handwritten sheet of paper. His heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest as he recognised Merlin's handwriting. For a second, his heart dropped into his stomach as he worried that he'd found a suicide note but he pushed that thought out of his mind. If Merlin survived all that nastiness with Neil, one argument with him was nothing.

He handed the note to Gaius, it was not his to read. Gaius took it and read it, he handed it to Arthur who did the same.

He did still love him his mind insisted as he read,

' _Gaius, Arthur needs me. Don't worry about me, I'll be safe. See you tomorrow.'_

Arthur couldn't believe his eyes, he said, "But, he never arrived I was downstairs all night I would have heard someone at the front door. The house dogs would have been confined to the kitchen but no one barked or anything. If he were to go to Throgmorton on foot from here, which way would he go?"

Gaius thought before he answered, "He'd probably go across our back pastures through the woods and pick up the Old Mill Road, then if he decided to continue cross-country he'd take the track to the Middles stream and then up the hill, over the wall and onto your land. I know Merlin sometimes takes the dogs over to The Middles.

Every time Tilly heard the name Merlin, she bounced around.

Gaius suddenly said, "Arthur, let's walk it with the dogs. Better than just waiting around here. Wait at the front door, I'll bring leashes so they don't get too far ahead of us and a first aid kit just in case. Have you got your phone?" He turned to the dogs and said, "Now's a chance to show Arthur and me that you're as smart as we think you are!"

"Do you think, Tilly could lead us there?"

"She's a pretty smart dog and it certainly is worth giving it a try. It only drizzled so I would think that Merlin's trail is still pretty fresh. Remember, nothing ventured nothing gained."

Arthur walked downstairs and Gaius hurried off to the utility room, returning with a backpack which Arthur offered to carry and two leashes.

Gaius opened the door and both Bouncer and Tilly rushed off. Bouncer lumbering around marking his favourite trees as Tilly squatted.

"Now, we should be ready to go!" said Gaius. "Where's Merlin?" Tilly looked up at him wagging her tail. "That's a good girl find, Merlin."

Arthur couldn't stop himself as he also had to add, "Find Merlin, Tilly!"

The Border stopped dead and looked at him as if she were saying, "…and you _are_?"

He had a flashback to the stable and Merlin kneeling in the straw when Arthur had dared to interrupt him.

Gaius said with a chuckle, "Don't be upset, she only has eyes for Merlin and as an extension she deigns to obey me! Come on lady and gentlemen, let's get this mission started."

They walked down the garden and then took a path through a little copse of willows before reaching a gate. Arthur recognising the horse proof catch opened it with ease. The dogs led the way through, then Gaius as Arthur carefully closed the gate after him.

Gaius had quite a few acres of pastures and they walked across them being greeted by various horses and one black-faced sheep. "A charity case!" Gaius acknowledged as it followed them until they got to the far gate.

Tilly scrambled through the bars but as it was five feet high, Arthur opened it so he, Gaius and the Pyr could enter the woodlands. The path was easy enough to follow and Arthur found it funny that they were now on his father's land but he had never set foot on the path or ridden on it, to the best of his knowledge.

They reached the Old Mill Road, used only by farm vehicles and the odd rider. Gaius stopped and pointed up ahead to a little path in the bushes, "If he went cross country, he would take that path. Watch Tilly and sees if she heads for there."

Tilly wandered down the road a ways and then turned back sniffing along the verge. Her tail started to wag and she was off light a flash up the path into the bushes.

Arthur looked down and saw some scuffs in the dirt road as if someone had crossed it. Gaius continued, "This leads to the Middles stream and then if you walk along it you will finally come to the old bridge."

Arthur said, "I rode down to the bridge this morning but saw no one."

They reached the top of a small hill and Arthur noticed that Gaius was breathing heavily. He said, "We should stop here and take a break. Will Tilly come back if you call her?"

"I doubt it but Bouncer might. By the way, there's water in the backpack."

Old reliable Bouncer did as he was told and the big white dog came pushing through the undergrowth. Tilly however, did not. They once again started walking and the path levelled off and then dropped so that between the trees they could see the stream. Tilly had obviously gone through it as they could see wet footprints in the mud on the far side.

"I'd say he crossed here, otherwise Tilly would have stayed on this side and gone to the bridge."

"Gaius, I don't mind splashing through it's not deep if you want to walk along to the bridge, that's fine with me."

Gaius said, "If over the years, you'd seen some of the muck I have walked through on my job, you'd realise that a stream is heaven…" He went into the water which only came up mid shin.

The woods became sparse and were replaced by hedges and fields. They kept going, intermittently calling for Tilly who never reappeared.

-0-0-

Merlin had kept his arms over his face as the sun was strong and he was worried about getting sunburned. He thought to himself, "That was a minor inconvenience as he was still held captive by an unforgiving wall.

He realised in retrospect that he should have taken a car or just called Arthur as he felt sure he would have come for him. His mother had been right over the years when she called him 'his own worst enemy'. He'd been bitten by a rabbit that he had tried to release from a trap, fallen out of his window trying to get his cat out of the tree, been peed on by a billy goat as well as a tortoise, stood on by horses and kicked by an unforgiving cow, including innumerable cuts and scratches.

He smiled sadly as he knew that Gaius also had a litany of misadventures from his years as a vet. Most vets had!

He was miles away and he thought that he had heard a voice. He listed and it was repeated again. Someone was calling a child or a dog. He went to call back but his throat was so dry he couldn't. He was going to cry in frustration, as people were nearby and he couldn't catch their attention to notify them of his location.

The calling ceased…

-0-0-

In the distance, Arthur could see the stone wall, some of it was masked by bushes but he knew that just over it was the path he had ridden on that morning. Tilly hadn't come back so they figured that she was still on Merlin's trail.

The two men and the dog made their way across the field into the comparative clearing along the wall. Arthur said, "If you go left, I'll go right, maybe there'll be another clue to which way he went."

Suddenly, Bouncer started barking, he was with them so it must have been something he'd heard. Arthur strained his ears but couldn't hear anything trusting the dog, Gaius said, "Where's Tilly? Find her!"

The dog's ears perked up and he sped up.

-0-0-

Merlin was desperately rolling his tongue around his mouth trying to find enough spit so that he could swallow. He must have been stupid to have left the house without his cell and he now realised a bottle of water would also have been a good idea. He took a deep breath and tried to remain positive.

He heard something in the bushes to his right and he turned and he saw a flash of red like a fox which hurtled itself at his face. He put up his hands to fight off the attack but then opened his eyes as he realised his face was being washed not bitten.

He managed to croak, "Tilly…!" and then started to cry. Once the worst of it was over he put out his arms and she climbed on his chest, whining and licked any part of his skin that she could reach.

She stopped and seemed to be listening to something and then started barking and he heard it answered by a deep-throated bark which he recognised as Bouncer's. A little while later, he picked up voices which he recognised Gaius's and then Arthur's, however not before the big white dog came charging through the bushes and seeing Merlin flat on the ground decided to also give him a wash. He shook his head as he tasted the salty tears and then lay down quietly beside him with his nose touching his cheek. Merlin had never been more proud of the two dogs than he was today.

He could still hear the voices and a figure darted out of the brush to his left and Tilly stood on his chest and growled at it. Merlin recognised Arthur and put his hand on Tilly's back telling her it was all right. He was a friend not the enemy.

Bouncer stood aside and let Arthur kneel beside him. "Merlin…! It was all my fault, Merlin. I didn't want you to leave me honestly…"

Gaius had reached them and said, "Any discussions about fault can be settled…. at a later date." He smiled at Merlin knowing that would help to settle him and said, "Now let's see what a mess you have got yourself into…"

Merlin tried to speak but only croaked. Arthur took his water bottle and lifting up his head slightly letting him take a few sips. Gaius said, "Don't move him too much he might have a back injury."

Merlin was able to say that his back was stiff but not injured and he thought that his shin was broken and to add to that his leg was pinned between the stones. Arthur noticed that his hand was covered in blood from holding Merlin's head. Merlin noticed the blood and said, "I hit my head on one of the previously dislodged stones as I fell backwards. Can you pull my leg out?"

Gaius looked at Arthur and shook his head. "Melin, I think until we are sure that the wall is stable we should't mess around, are you in much pain?"

"No, my whole leg feels asleep!" He reached for Gaius's hand and said, "Boy, is that going to hurt when it wakes up…! Did Tilly, lead you to me?" He said including Arthur in the question.

"Yes, she did. You've got one really smart dog there, Merlin."

Merlin slipped his hand into Arthur's and squeezed it and said, "You won't leave me here will you?"

Gaius said, "Arthur, can you phone Rob and tell him our location and ask for a police ambulance. Tell him to say that there has been an accident and someone is pinned by a stone wall. They'll know what kind of vehicle to send."

Arthur did as asked and Rob said that once he'd phoned he would come over with the pick-up. Arthur knew that in the condition he was in Merlin was not going to ride back in a pick-up.

Soon they heard the sound of sirens and a yellow and blue police car pulled up in the lane.

"Great condition of the roads around here!" the driver said.

To which Arthur replied with a shrug, "We only travel them in jeeps or on horseback."

One of the constables looked at the situation and got on his radio to notify the station what they were dealing with. He took Gaius on one side and asked if he had considered taking him out in a helicopter. Gaius shook his head.

"My nephew is sure his leg is broken, he heard it go. He can't move it as it's pinned in the wall. I think that the wall will have to be carefully dismantled to free him."

The man got back on the radio to his sergeant who hearing it was on the Pendragon estate said that he would be over.

Rob drove up with two stable hands and offered to help move stones. Next an ambulance arrived, the driver not too happy with the inaccessibility of the accident site. The paramedics climbed over the wall further and down and walked back to Merlin. Arthur stood up to let the paramedics get on with their job.

They put on a neck brace, a heart monitor and a blood pressure cuff. One checked his body for injuries while the other asked him his name and what day it was before going off to talk on the phone to the doctor at the hospital.

"We'll, you've got yourself in quite a pickle here! We'll get you out a soon as possible but I think a back board might be a good idea right now."

Rob and one of the paramedics passed a backboard over the wall and Merlin was lifted slightly so that it could be slid under him. Arthur was impressed with the paramedics' professional manner, he could tell by the look on Merlin's face that he was more relaxed.

Another vehicle arrived and the sergeant and a doctor got out. The doctor scrambled over a safe portion of the wall and knelt beside Merlin speaking to him. The sergeant came over to Gaius and asked if there was any way a vehicle could be driven on this side of the wall. Gaius looked at Arthur and said, "There is a gate maybe fifty yards down that way, you might be able to get through with a jeep or maybe the pickup." The doctor nodded.

A fire engine arrived and the men examined the wall. They decided that there were enough able-bodied men to remove the upper part of the wall to release Merlin's leg. Knowing that further damage would be done if it collapsed on top of the accident victim, they used various sand bags and pieces of metal and wood to protect him. The firemen threw their protective coats over him as an added precaution and slowly under the guidance of the fire chief, they started carefully to remove one stone at a time from the other side of the wall.

Arthur was fascinated by the tools they had, pneumatic jacks and drills. Every time a shower of earth slithered down everyone held their breath. With the help of Arthur's men, the top layer was removed and the removal of the second layer commenced.

The doctor turned to Gaius saying, "The fact that your nephew has been trapped will intensify any trauma." He then nodded at Arthur and said,"I believe that this is your property. Do you think it would be possible to land an Air Ambulance somewhere, preferably flat? I'd like to transfer the patient for the flight to Ashford."

"Yes, just over there is the parkland, there is an emergency gate which we can access and the helicopter could land there.

"If the men can get the pickup through the gate and onto this side, he should be able to drive to maybe that section over there. Arthur pointed to a wider area on this side of the stream. The doctor considered it but shook his head. Not liking the look of that, however, he said, "Once we get his leg free and stabilised, he might be able to be lifted on a stretcher over what remains of the wall."

One of the paramedics called to Arthur that his friend wanted to speak to him. Arthur left the doctor and went to kneel beside Merlin who said, "Arthur, I feel so embarrassed to have caused all this trouble…"

"Don't be…" Arthur said, "The only people who are not enjoying themselves are Tilly and Bouncer who are tied to a tree as Tilly wanted to be involved in everything." That made Merlin smile and Arthur felt a little better.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7 : REPERCUSSIONS**

Rob drew up to the hospital and let Gaius and Arthur off at the A&E. He then went to wait for someone to pick him up so he could leave Arthur's car in the car park. It had been an exciting day all round and the helicopter lifting off from the parkland had fascinated his kids who had come over specifically to watch it.

Gaius and Arthur were shown to a small area where they could wait. A nurse told Gaius that his nephew had been in observation upon admittance and had been seen be a surgeon and was now in X-ray and a doctor would soon see them.

A young doctor bustled in with a file and some x-rays. "Dr. Gaius, your nephew was very lucky that his leg was not more damaged." He had shown Gaius the x-rays as he'd recognised him as his vet and Gaius had mentioned that the break looked clean. "It is but there is also some soft tissue damage, sprains and contusions but nothing that bed rest and then light exercise will not take care of. Has someone talked with his mother?" he glanced at his file, "Hunith, I believe."

Gaius explained that he had decided to get Merlin safely into the hospital before phoning his niece who was a nurse, "When can we see him?"

"Well, he's scheduled for surgery around eleven tonight. They wanted to make sure he was stabilised before the anaesthetic. You can come back tomorrow morning early, if you like."

Arthur spoke up, "If he goes into surgery tonight when is the earliest time we can see him. I don't want to go home and then come back."

"Are you a family member?"

Arthur for the first time said it aloud, "He's my boyfriend…"

The doctor said, "Let me check, if things are as they look, he could be back in his room by two o'clock. Why don't you go home now and come back after midnight? You could probably do with a rest and Dr. Gaius, I'm sure you have dogs at home?"

"Oh, my goodness, where are the dogs?" Gaius said suddenly.

"Not to worry," Arthur said smiling, "I told Rob to lock them up in an empty loose box before we left. We can pick them up on the way back to your place."

They thanked the doctor and left the hospital, as Arthur climbed into the driver's seat and started the car, Gaius said, "Boyfriends, eh?"

Arthur grinned from ear to ear and said, "Yes, and I promise to take care of your nephew as if he were the most precious thing on earth."

"He is…you know!" said Gaius with a smile as he laid his hand on Arthur's arm.

"I know he is!" Arthur said continuing to smile and he placed his other hand over Gaius's in a pact that they would together watch out for Merlin.

They had only driven a few miles, when Gaius had suddenly thought, 'I wonder how Uther is going to take that news?'

The same thought had passed through Arthur's mind and he had decided that he would not be so forthcoming with his father…at least for a little while. He knew Gaius would not say anything. He looked at the man who was still grinning at him and grinned back.

-0-0-

They picked up the dogs and Arthur went to get his bag as he had agreed to stay over at Gaius's. Gaius told him to take Merlin's room as the sheets were clean as were the towels.

Neither of them were hungry but Gaius made some tea and put out a plate of ginger snaps.

It was around nine when they turned in. Gaius said he would doze in the chair before the fire until it was time to set out for the hospital. "Why don't you just stretch out on Merlin's bed? It'll be more comfortable and I'll get you up at around one."

-0-0-

Arthur stood in the middle of Merlin's room.

On the bed, he noticed the note and picked it up. He reread it aloud, his voice catching in his throat, _'Gaius, Arthur needs me. Don't worry about me, I'll be safe. See you tomorrow._ ' Many scenarios went through his mind.

He slipped it in his bag and sighed, Merlin did still want to be friends. Why couldn't he have told him while they were talking at his place? They could have talked it out and he would not have insisted on leaving on the spur of the moment; afterwards, changing his mind and trying to get back to him by himself.

Why hadn't he just phoned him? He would have dropped every thing and come and got him or they could have just stayed at Gaius's and talked. Instead, Merlin had spent hours trapped and was now in hospital where he was facing surgery, in about two hours.

He looked at the bed. He found it sad. He was alone, when really he should have been here with someone. He walked over and opened the window, taking deep breaths. He pulled off his sweater then sat on the edge of the bed to remove his shoes and socks. He wouldn't get undressed any further as Gaius would be getting him up in about four hours.

He padded over to the Merlin's bathroom. It was very tidy and then Arthur remembered that Merlin hadn't stayed there since the night when he and Gaius had come for supper. The lady who did for Gaius had probably given the room a cleaning.

He smiled as he looked at the photos: Merlin as a teenager obviously from the flags in Switzerland, on a school ski trip, another of him as a kid fooling with Gaius on a beach. There was one of him on the wall outside a house eating ice-cream with a red-headed girl, another school photo of his school swimming team, a photo of him as an undergraduate in cap and gown. He thought, 'Merlin, there is so much I still have to learn about you.'

There were more photos of him with a woman and Gaius probably three generations of his family. He smiled at pictures of Gaius with his Pyr as a puppy and a lovely Christmas photo of Merlin, a woman presumably his mother and Tilly. Arthur smiled fondly at the photo, good old Tilly, the heroine of the day. All the photos were tacked up haphazardly on a bulletin board above his desk.

He suddenly remembered that he should contact his father as he wouldn't be seeing him on Monday and he deserved to know why. Checking his watch, he saw it would for him be only around two o'clock in the afternoon. He dialled his father's cell and a voice said, "Arthur, surely whatever it is could have waited until tomorrow when I see you!"

Arthur said, "No, it actually can't! Gaius's Merlin has been in an accident and I will be staying down here until he's out of hospital."

"Doesn't he have any other friends?"

"I don't know but I am his friend here and Gaius needs support. I know Gaius would offer to stay with you if anything happened to me."

That took the wind out of Uther's sails and he became less hostile, even going as far to say that Arthur could stay until Merlin was out of the woods, or Thursday whichever came first.

His father said gruffly, "Tell Gaius that if he needs anything he should contact me. Keep me posted and…" almost as an afterthought, "Look after yourself...!" and he disconnected.

Arthur looked at the phone, his father was mellowing in his old age.

He decided to lie on top of the blanket and just pull the duvet over him.

He lay there, looking at the ceiling he couldn't stop his mind revisiting what had happened. Merlin had left this room after midnight last night and he wasn't found until nearly three o'clock this afternoon.

He wasn't intending to sleep but Gaius's knocking on the door telling him, it was time to get up, proved that he had at least dozed off.

-0-0-

They drove to the hospital in silence, Arthur knew that Gaius was worried. Parking was no problem at that time of the morning and the A&E was practically empty. A nurse directed them to the ICU waiting room, where they could wait until the surgeon updated them and possibly gave them the go-ahead to visit his patient.

Arthur could hardly sit still he just wanted to see the doctor and then get a chance to see Merlin. Finally a doctor came out and checked that they were the visitors he has been told would be waiting for him. He gave Gaius a run down of what they had found and Arthur was able to read Gaius's face to know that Merlin was going to make a full recovery in time.

The doctor left and a nurse escorted them to a curtained cubicle. She told them that the patient was still groggy but that they could sit by him and talk to him. Gaius went in first and Arthur followed. Merlin was propped up in bed with various tubes. His left leg was encased in plaster and Arthur had a desire to laugh as it also had what looked like a baby's woollen hat over his toes.

Gaius was talking to him and Arthur felt that he was quite _compos mentis._ He walked to the other side of the bed and took his hand, Merlin squeezed it.

"Did the doctor give you a medical report on my condition. I was a little groggy when he told me but I gathered that I will be among the walking wounded but am expected to make a full recovery."

Gaius nodded, "Are you in any pain?"

"No, I feel as if I'm wrapped in a woollen blanket without a real care in the world. Have you spoken to Mum?"

"Not yet, there was no use worrying her. Around nine o'clock, I'll phone and you can talk to her yourself. Doesn't that time sound about right for a holiday morning?"

"What time is it now?"

Arthur answered, "Just gone two thirty in the morning."

Merlin seemed surprised and said, "Oh Arthur, you're missing your beauty sleep."

"Immaterial, I'll catch up once you're feeling better!" He lifted Merlin's hand and kissed it.

"What day is it?"

"Bank Holiday Monday, why?"

"Just wondered…" and then a frown crossed his face, "Arthur, you have an appointment with your father this morning. You're going to be in no condition to discuss business matters if you have been up all this time."

"I haven't been as I flaked out on your bed for a couple of hours…"

Merlin took it in and blushed and then said, "Was my room tidy?"

Gaius laughed putting his hand on Merlin's shoulder as he said, "Not to worry as Mrs. Graves had been in since you were there last. By the way, we finally found the note you'd left. A breeze must have sent it on the floor and then the door must have shut and if it hadn't been that Tilly was missing, I would never have gone upstairs. I just thought that you had changed your mind and had decided to stay over at Arthur's."

"He could have if he had wanted and then at this time in the morning, you Merlin, would not be the only one lying in bed."

Merlin yawned and Gaius said, "That's the effect of the anaesthetic and the pain killers you're on for your pulled muscles. The doctor thinks that you got off really easily as the way you were lying you could have torn your hamstring and also damaged your knee. Someone was looking after you, My Boy!"

"…his Guardian Angel, I bet!" Arthur said.

Gaius suddenly said, "Look, I'd like to get a coffee or something. Would you like anything Arthur?" Arthur shook his head. "Well, then if you'd stay with Merlin, I'll go exploring to see what I can find."

Gaius walked out of the cubicle and went to the waiting room down the hallway. He really didn't want coffee, he just felt that the two of them would benefit from a little private time.

The curtain had only just closed when Arthur had traced Merlin's face with his finger. "If anything really bad had happened to you, I couldn't have stood it. I was so close to turning back to Gaius's after I had left you that I don't know why I didn't?"

"You were hurt and confused by my reaction to your story. Arthur, I lay on my back near that damned wall and accused myself of being the most bull-headed individual around. I didn't give myself time to seriously consider what you were saying. I jumped to the stupid conclusion that you only wanted a couple of one nighters to decide how you felt about being gay and that knowing my past history you figured I would be an easy touch."

Tears were streaming down Merlin's face and Arthur was brushing them away with his thumbs. "Merlin, do you realise how much I like you? I'd stand up to any enemy of yours whether it be a human or a fire-breathing dragon. As Gawaine would say, your heart obviously has ADP engraved on it as mine has ME." Merlin looked confused, so Arthur continued, "I don't know your middle initial, I didn't mean me as in me but ME as in Merlin Emrys."

"It's G as in Gaius. My mother gave me Gaius's name as my second name."

"Merlin Gaius Emrys, could I bother you for a kiss?"

"I thought you were never going to ask…"

When Gaius returned Merlin had dozed off with a slight smile on his face. Arthur was in the chair by his bedside with his head back fast asleep. Gaius smiled, "All's well in heaven and on earth…" and he took his seat on the other side of the bed to watch over his great-nephew and the newest addition to their family.

-0-0-

Merlin's breakfast arrived waking Arthur and the nurse suggested that Gaius and Arthur went to get something to eat in the hospital restaurant. Merlin might be discharged once the doctor saw him later in the day if the health team agreed he could go home. Arthur couldn't see Merlin getting into his car so he would have to rely on patient transport.

However after having something to eat, Arthur and Gaius still were dragging, "You both look as if you could do with a couple of hours sleep. Did you even get to bed, Gaius?" Merlin seemed more lively after his meal insisting that they return home and he would phone with the any news.

Gaius shook his head and confessed he'd just dozed in front of the fire. Merlin turned to Arthur, "Go home! I'll let you know what time I should arrive if they release me."

"Do you have on a walking cast?" Arthur wanted to know.

"Oh, you mean a hobble cast?" said Merlin laughing.

Gaius yawned and Merlin said, "See!"

Arthur stood up and said, "That's it! Come on, Gaius, let's go back to your place and leave Merlin to the mercies of the NHS."

"Hey! I'll have you know that the service here is exceptional. Everyone is kind and friendly, actually I might decide to stay here for the duration."

The other two laughed and got up to leave. Arthur once he was in the hallway asked Gaius to wait for him and nipped back into Merlin's cubicle and kissed him adding with a smirk, "Remember, Merlin, I'm going back to sleep in your bed..." He then went to leave, saying over his shoulder, "Don't let your imagination run away with you..." He blew him a kiss and followed Gaius.

-0-0-

The phone rang in the house, Gaius picked it up. Arthur heard the phone and made his way downstairs.

Gaius looked up and relayed the message, "A nurse told me that Merlin was to stay another night as his back is badly sprained, bruised and very tender. The doctors wanted to observe it further. They have him on morphine, as he was very uncomfortable."

Arthur shook his head; he had been so sure that it would be Merlin telling them that he was getting his patient transfer. It was six o'clock, they had had about five hours of sleep and upon Gaius's insistence they made plans for supper.

"We can visit until eight-thirty." Arthur said, "How about visiting first and then eating? Do I have time for a shower?"

"Yes, if you are fast!"

Merlin didn't look as well as he had earlier in the day. His face looked grey and there were pain lines across his forehead. Arthur went over and took his hand. Gaius smiled and sat beside him.

Merlin now had a neck brace on and he smiled weakly. "Think they withdrew the medication too soon. I'm beginning to feel a little better though. Where's Mum?"

Gaius shook his head, "I was waiting for you to come home before I phoned her. Arthur, give me your phone and I'll get in touch with her now."

"I don't want her racing to get here. Wait until tomorrow morning, and she can figure out the trains...but I really miss her." He hung his head and Arthur could see tears that had run down his chin. Gaius took tissue and wiped them away.

Arthur's heart was breaking. He knew children loved their mothers but to see how a man as brave as Merlin had been in his past life, now missing his mother, made him realise his own loss in never knowing his.

An announcement was made telling visitors that visiting time was over. Gaius carefully patted his nephew's head and Arthur raised his hand and kissed it. Merlin closed his eyes.

They left and walked down to the exit. Arthur got into the car and said to Gaius, "Which is the nearest airport to Hunith?"

Gaius said, "Airport? Cardiff St. Athan, I guess! Why?"

"Merlin wants his mother. I'll charter a plane and fly her to Lydd. My father and I have used the airport regularly. It would take all told, a car to airport, a flight around an hour and us to pick her up.

"I don't think we could afford that..."

"I'm doing it for Merlin. I'll cover the cost of the flight and the hire car. Let's get back to your place, I feel better already being involved. At least, we're doing something."

Gaius phoned Hunith; she was shocked and worried ready to leave immediately. Gaius passed his phone to Arthur after explaining to her niece who he was.

Telling Mrs. Emrys that he was offering to take care of her trip. Arthur explained, "All you have to do is pack a bag and wait for the car which will pick you up to take you to the airport tomorrow morning and Gaius and I will meet you at Lydd Airport. Merlin was worried about your trying to get buses and trains and having to transfer."

"I can do it as I have done it each time I visit Gaius." Hunith said sharply insinuating that she was quite capable of the trip alone both mentally and physically.

"I'm sure you can but this way you'll see Merlin sooner and I know that that will raise his spirits. I hope you will consider taking my offer.

"Arthur, for Merlin's sake I will take you up on your offer. You are a caring friend."

'...and more!' Arthur thought to himself.

"Good! Now I'm passing you back to Gaius. It was a pleasure taking with you, Mrs. Emrys."

Gaius walked to the sofa and continued talking quietly to Hunith.

Arthur checked his phone for his father's aviation contact. He looked up Holswoth's company and put the whole thing in his hands apologising for calling on a Sunday evening.

"Not a problem, Mr. Arthur, I will get someone on it immediately and email you back all the information. Can you send me the address for the pickup and I'll take care of the car hire company as well? When would your client like to leave Cardiff?"

"Around nine o'clock," Arthur said nodding in Gaius's direction who said something to Hunith and then nodded back. "...and could you have one of your staff accompany her from her home and on the flight, preferably, a lady. Mrs. Emmys is travelling alone to visit her son in hospital."

"Taken care of immediately…" said Holsworth.

Arthur disconnected thinking how handy it was knowing the right people to do the job and he laughed as he thought, '…and having the wherewithal!'

By eleven o'clock that night, the charter flight had been confirmed, Hunith had been told to expect Sterling Cars to collect her at nine o'clock. By eleven, she would be at Lydd and they would be meeting her.

Arthur was satisfied with his evening's work. He smiled at Gaius whose family would soon be together.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8 : PROMISES UNPAID**

The next day flew by. Hunith arrived and was relieved to see Merlin was coming along. She seemed rather taken with Arthur but Gaius never let on what Merlin had told him. Arthur chauffeured Hunith back and forth to the hospital allowing Gaius time with his clients and various patients

Arthur told Gaius that he would have to leave Wednesday night to return to London and work. "If it won't be a nuisance, I could come back by train Thursday evening and go back up on Friday. I doubt that my father will give me a long weekend," he said with a grin. "Remember if you need anything. Just get in touch with me and my father will get it sorted out."

"But you have done so much as it is," Hunith said, "Merlin said that you were nice and that you had taken him around London."

"And I also indirectly caused the problem," Arthur said with a rueful smile.

"Well, I am sure that Merlin has forgiven you. Regardless of what you might hear about him, he has a heart of gold and is very brave." Arthur just nodded, not knowing how much Merlin had told her. "But he really should be more careful, he doesn't see bad in anyone, well except that man..." Hunith said no more and Arthur could feel her pain.

Before they got any deeper into what was his connection with Merlin, Gaius said, "Of course, Merlin would like to see you on Thursday but if you can't make it, he'll understand. How about telling him you'll be back on Friday and then if you can't make it down on Thursday, he won't be upset."

Arthur nodded and Hunith wondered, 'Why would Merlin be upset at not seeing Arthur?' However, as the conversation continued, it slipped her mind.

Arthur had invited Hunith and Gaius to Throgmorton for supper on Tuesday after visiting hours. It meant that Hunith didn't have to bother cooking. He'd spoken to Mrs Burns and told her it would only be Gaius and Merlin's mother. Peggy had smiled as Gaius was a favourite of hers because he had worked on her cat and it got better.

He visited Merlin early Wednesday morning, planning to leave after lunch for London. He told him that he knew that his mother would like some time alone visiting him. "She's come here to visit you so I think it would be better to give her space. I'll phone you after supper tonight and Thursday night and if you still want to see me, I'll visit on Friday."

Merlin looked panicked as he said a little worried, "You don't want to see me?"

"I can assure you that if I could, I would kidnap you and put you in my baggage and take you back to London with me." He looked up at Merlin and noticed a momentarily scared look in his eye. He said, "I'm so stupid, Merlin, I'm sorry that was uncalled for".

"It's all right; it's just that the feelings are still pretty fresh. Don't worry as in a few months it will get better and then you can literally kidnap me every day, if you want to."

"I would, given the chance, I wouldn't let you out of my sight. That is unless you got bored with me."

Merlin looked down at his knees and his fingers plucked at the sheet. He said quietly, "The things I have planned for the two of us will never allow me to be bored with you."

...and it was Arthur's turn to blush. He then became serious and said, "I did something without asking you." Merlin looked up unsure of what he was going to hear. "So that they would let me into the hospital, I told them you were my boyfriend..."

Merlin smiled and said, "…and you're not?"

"Well, I want to be but I now think I should have asked you first. Gaius heard me say it and I later told him that it was true. He seemed happy but I said that he shouldn't say anything to you. I'm sorry if this upsets you."

"Would you like to be my boyfriend, Arthur?" Merlin said seriously with a glint of humour in his eyes.

"Yes please!" said Arthur, holding up his hands with all his fingers crossed which surprised Merlin as he always had to use his other hand to get his last two fingers on his right hand crossed.

"Then...that's taken care of!" He became serious and said, "I, Merlin Gaius Emrys am proud to be the boyfriend of Arthur David Pendragon. May I tell my mother because...? Well, she's been asking a few questions and I know that she has talked to Adam."

"If I had my way, I'd put an announcement in the Times," said Arthur adding, "We should make it official with a kiss." He sat on the edge of the bed and kissed Merlin.

They were interrupted by someone clearing his throat and a young doctor walked in and said, "Mr. Emrys, someone will be in shortly to take you to x-ray." He turned, stopped and said with a laugh, as he left, "As you were, Men!"

Merlin got the giggles and was still laughing when an older man came in to take him downstairs. Arthur took the opportunity to leave and said, "I'm on my way now. I'll speak to you when I get back home. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

He walked off smiling thinking as Peggy Burns would say, 'Wasn't being in love grand?'

When he finally got back to London, he heard from Gawaine and found out that their group was meeting up for after work drinks at The Naked Knight and decided to join them. He also wanted to check in with Gawaine whom he had neglected over the last four days.

-0-0-

Arthur lay on his back watching the reflection of the water on the ceiling. There was one negative thing about the pool, as it was indoors. True it had spectacular two hundred seventy degrees views of the cityscape but it lacked access to the fresh air.

He rolled over and did four more laps. He had the place to himself except for the monitored security cameras which activated whenever anyone entered the pool.

Arthur pulled himself out of the water and walked to the dressing area. He showered, towelled off and put on a thick spa robe. One of the condo rules was that residents showed respect for others and did not roam the halls shoeless and wrapped only in a wet towel.

He'd told Merlin who had laughed saying, "Well, it would make my day to bump into a towel clad you on the way to the office!"

Arthur had laughed and added,"…as it would me if it were you!" Arthur smiled, they danced around their mutual attraction yet Merlin had never laid a hand inappropriately on him. He thought, "An eye maybe, but never a hand!" He'd noticed the appreciative glances and was known to be guilty of the same every now and again. If he wanted to be truthful, when in his presence he could hardly keep his eyes off Merlin.

It had been hard staying in Merlin's bedroom. It made him more conscious of the physical attraction between them but once Hunith had arrived, he'd felt that he might be overstaying his welcome. Gaius was no longer alone and he returned to Throgmorton for the last two nights.

Hunith had been charming but suddenly there was a stranger whom her son and Gaius both knew and for whom she was financially indebted for the airflight.

She had wasted no time in thanking Arthur profusely, saying that she had been so well treated and the young lady who had accompanied her both in the car and on the flight had been charming.

In the hospital room, she had noticed how Merlin's face lit up when Arthur walked in. However, she was withholding judgement on him. True, he was handsome and certainly rich, but Merlin had been through hell in recent years. She knew that Gaius liked him and had told her that Merlin did too and that he thought Arthur was good for his nephew.

Hunith however was a mother, who had never met Neil but who was not going to be lulled into a false sense of security just because not only Merlin but his great-uncle seemed to be besotted with the young man. He was certainly personably but like a tigress with a cub she wasn't yet ready to abandon it completely.

Arthur had picked up a slight tension towards him but in the circumstances he could understand her being uncertain. He knew he would not hurt Merlin but to her, here was a stranger about whom she knew little, involved with her child and claiming his affection.

The truth which Merlin now knew about him, was not anything that either of them wanted to disclose to any third party. 'Well,' he thought, 'except for Gawaine who had known what he was going through.'

The thought of Gawaine snapped him back to the present, he was standing idly watching the Thames traffic and he had to get dressed to get over to the pub on Canary Wharf. He thought fondly of Merlin remembering that he would be speaking to him this evening.

He sat watching the early news and then splurged by taking a cab.

-0-0-

The night out was a reintroduction to the city life. The hustle and bustle which Arthur had forgotten and the company of good friends which he relished.

Gawaine managed to whisper that Tess and he had met up for coffee and she was as enchanting as he had remembered. Arthur laughed, he intended to phone Tess to get her side of the story but the fact that she had also accepted an invitation to dinner at Gawaine's boss's place boded well, as far as Arthur was concerned. He had a feeling that Tess had found someone that she liked...as he had.

Returning to his condo, Arthur changed into night clothes intending to vegetate and put on the news. He'd decided what he had intended to wear the following day and made sure that it would suit his father's idea of executive office wear. He had promised to phone Merlin at nine-thirty and if he couldn't get him, he would phone Gaius to get the latest update on his condition.

However, it was Gaius who phoned him first, "Arthur? It's Gaius, just come back from the hospital and Merlin asked me to tell you that he is having the cast done this evening around ten and the nurse said that he would probably feel a little uncomfortable afterwards so, could you phone some time tomorrow instead?"

"Of course, I can but probably not until later. I know I'll be busy with my father and I don't think he'd appreciate being told that I couldn't see him because I was planning to talk to Merlin. Apart from that is everything all right?"

"Yes, and Arthur, thank you for flying Hunith here. She'd have been a nervous wreck on the train worrying not only about Merlin but also her changes. She and Mrs Graves are giving the house a top to toe cleaning, thankfully they like each other. However, I have told them not to touch anything in Merlin's room as it is off limits. They may clean but not rearrange things."

Arthur laughed, "He'll settle much better into home surrounded by his own little bits and bobs."

"Better let you go as sometimes, I think Hunith is as bad as my mother checking up on me the whole time."

"You love it, Gaius!" Arthur said laughing, "Say goodnight to her from me and tell Merlin in the morning that I'll speak to him tomorrow evening. Goodnight!"

Arthur sat thinking about Merlin, watched a little TV and then called it a day…back to the grind, tomorrow.

-0-0-

Surprisingly, Thursday had not gone that badly. Arthur was up early and off to work.

His father nodded at him but omitted asking about Merlin. He was after all Gaius's nephew and Uther and Gaius had known each other for years. Arthur attributed it to his father's being away and his desire to have Arthur up to date on all business matters. He was a business man at heart and a successful one to boot. Something had to take priority and sadly it was not his son's current interest in Gaius's nephew.

Laurence had heard about the accident and asked how Merlin was. Arthur was relieved someone had acknowledged him. He said that he had heard from Giselle that Arthur would be away an additional two days and she mentioned that a friend had been hurt.

Arthur who was exhausted by lunch, ate with his father in the executive dining room and for a few minutes Uther seemed to realize that he was not the centre of the world and said in passing, "By the way, how's Gaius's boy?"

In response to his previous lack of interest, Arthur found himself remaining tight lipped as he said, "Coming along well by all accounts. I'm going down to Throgmorton this weekend."

"Well, tell Rob to send me some photos of the foals. I am spending the weekend up in Scotland, been invited back to Balfour's place by his sons. I'll be back Tuesday so don't slack off while I am away. You've a lot of catching up to do what with the Kenyan trip and your taking extra time off. It really isn't done in this business, Arthur!"

They lapsed into silence with Arthur thinking, 'Yes, Daddy! Of course Daddy! I must always keep my nose to the grindstone. I can't have a life outside PenD. Well, guess what, I do have one...and a very successful one too.' He wanted to laugh, Uther had never been Daddy, he had always called him Father.

Luckily, Uther got up to leave followed by the other diners and Arthur had the room to himself. Lunches for the executives were of short duration when Uther was present.

Life settled into a regular afternoon routine, he fielded a few trans-Atlantic calls and had two meetings. He worked until five thirty having let Laurence go at five. It was just before he left that he received a call from Giselle, "Arthur, your father is on the phone."

Arthur picked up, "Arthur here…"

"I see that there is a charge for a flight from Cardiff to Llyd. Is it yours?"

"Yes, Father!"

"Well, make sure you pay it, I don't want the company paying for your personal charges. Also, I invited Pinter, head of executive sales and Matthews from NA Investments for supper with their wives tonight. If you're free, I'd like you to be there."

"What time?"

"Dinner will be served at seven thirty. If you are coming, kindly be on time."

"I can make it but I will have to leave around nine thirty." Arthur added lying, "…as I am meeting someone for a drink."

"That would be all right, hopefully everyone will be leaving by then." The phone went dead.

"... And nice speaking to you too!" Arthur said smiling to himself. He figured that it was only a white lie and he could have a drink while he was talking to Merlin on the phone.

-0-0-

Dinner was actually not bad, the food was excellent and the other two couples were interesting and not too much conversation involved business. However, Arthur was finally happy to open his front door and kick off his shoes.

He changed into something more comfortable and grabbing a beer, he went to sit on the balcony and phoned Merlin's number.

Merlin answered immediately, "Arthur, I'm home! Got back just before supper. It's great to be back!"

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired...! But what about you, was it good getting back into town?"

"It was all right but my mind kept flipping back to you in hospital. I know we are only seventy miles apart but it's frustrating, I might as well still be in Nairobi."

"But you're not, Arthur, it feels as if you are in the next room. I can close my eyes and see you."

"But, that's all you can do!"

"Well, maybe tomorrow, we could rectify that..."

"I'll hold you to that! How is the walking cast?"

"Well, it was a little hairy to begin with, but I'm getting the hang of it. It's funny as you can't just move, you have to think first. I spent some time in therapy yesterday. Can't manage stairs without help," he laughed, "not exactly help, just someone willing to put a hand on my back if I should start to fall backwards."

Arthur laughed, "Remind me to go up the stairs first!"

"Well, you'd be all alone up there because of the sharp curve on the stairs to the attic, I'm crashing down here. Gaius had people come in to move the sofa bed down from the guest room into the back living room, so I'm here until I can do the stairs."

"Not bad with an attached sunroom, you'll have to remember to turn out the lights before you get undressed!"

"Only you would think of that!"

"Well, let's just say I'm possessive."

"Are you coming down this weekend?"

"Try and stop me. Hoping to slip out a bit early as I've worked darn hard."

"...for one day," said Merlin laughing. "Ouch!"

"What happened?"

"I forgot about my cast and hit my other leg. That really hurt!"

"Should I bring body armour down with me? I don't want to be injured if I am sitting close to you. I presume that I will be allowed to come to visit you, otherwise, I will spirit you off to where we can be alone."

"I'd like that but Gaius did say that I would be welcome to entertain friends here."

"Do you have many friends there, Merlin?" Arthur asked with a chuckle in his voice.

"Sadly no! Guess you will have to fill in all of Gaius's predetermined visiting hours."

Hearing him yawn, Arthur said, "I think you had better turn in. Love you, Merlin...and remember to keep the lights off. I'll phone you once I arrive down there."

"Thank you for all you have done. My Mum is still blown away by your kindness and her flight. I think she's a little confused about us but I'm not...and that is all the matters. Love you too, Arthur, goodnight!"

"Merlin, get some sleep. You are going to have a busy weekend even if it is only entertaining me! Goodnight!"

Merlin let his head sink back on his pillow. He smiled completely enamoured with the idea of being entertained by Arthur. He just needed to see him...

Arthur put his phone on the table and picked up his beer. It was a beautiful night. He sighed this would be a perfect balcony to share with someone...someone special.

He laughed to himself as he remembered thinking not so long ago that it would be awful to share his condo with anyone. He'd never get any peace; they'd always be around and in his hair. However, he realized that after meeting that special someone that if it were to be Merlin it would be all right...exciting and even satisfying.

He finally plodded off the bed. He lay there thinking of the nights he's spent in Merlin's room. True he had been alone but Merlin's presence was there and he only had to close his eyes to pretend that he was on the bed beside him.

They had so much ahead of them and a walking cast was only a small diversion. If Merlin had minimal control of it, as it had sounded this evening, maybe the hopes of sharing a bed were for the moment unattainable. Well, he told himself, they could still kiss and cuddle, however he'd got to the point when he wanted more.

Then he thought of Merlin's recent encounters with Neil. Since Merlin had first met Neil years ago, Arthur had the impression that Merlin had kept to himself. He'd never mentioned an interim boyfriend.

Arthur took time to think, he felt strongly that he knew that he would wait until Merlin made the first move. In his mind's eye, he saw Merlin reaching out his hand and saying, "Arthur, let me show you..."

Then for a second he panicked, would Merlin laugh at him and tell him he was hopeless. He waited for his heart to settle and smiled. He's seen Merlin with dogs and horses, he was patience personified.

He smiled to himself; he trusted him, why was he getting himself into such a state?


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9 : A PATIENT IN THE HOUSE**

"I'm back! Are you up for a visitor later on?"

"That depends entirely upon whom it might be!"

Arthur smiled to himself then said laughing, "I think you might be pleasantly surprised. Did you clear it with the powers that be?"

"Luck is in our favour, as Gaius and my Mum were invited out to supper. If Gaius's car is gone, just come on in. I've told Gaius that you'll probably come over and he said that he'd leave the door unlocked as you don't have a key. I'm going to rectify that as well."

Arthur said, "I'd feel uncomfortable letting myself into Gaius's house with a key."

"Well, if it were the key to my place in Cambridge, would you also feel uncomfortable?"

Arthur laughed and countered with, "You have to ask?"

Merlin knew he was feeling more comfortable with Arthur than he had ever been with anyone. He regretted so much that he had let himself fall for Neil and all that followed. He had to put that behind him, he knew that Adam would say that he couldn't let it influence the rest of his life. He said, "No, I knew deep down what your answer would be."

"We're wasting time talking. I'm coming right over!"

Merlin laughed saying, "I'll be waiting with bated breath. Drive carefully!"

Figuring that it would take around ten minutes, Merlin manoeuvred himself up and grabbing his crutch made his way to the powder room off the hall. He had laughed when Gaius had told him not to worry about showering as when he was ready just to tell him and he'd help him by wrapping his cast in cling film and taking him into the garden hose him down.

His mother had been shocked and then she'd realised that Gaius was joking. She had assured him that Gaius would help him upstairs and that as a nurse, she'd give him a hand if needed. She's laughed when she'd seen the look on her son's face. "OK, Dear, but I'll wait in the hallway, just in case."

Merlin then grinned and shook his head, thinking, 'Mothers will always be mothers!' He'd stopped and thought, 'Are fathers always fathers?' He decided not but watching some of his friends who had kids, he knew that there were some men who did a very good job of being there for their kids.

He wondered if he had had a child would he have been an involved father or would he have just wandered off? He realised that he had nothing to judge himself against and then he realised that he did. He had his mother and Gaius and he knew that they would never abandon him nor he either of them. He decided that the love he had for them would be like the love he would have had for a little one.

His mother said, "Merlin, you're miles away is something wrong?"

"No Mum, I was just wondering if you knew how much you mean to me?"

"Of course I do, Dear, and for me you are the most important person on earth!" Then she smiled and added, "…after my cat of course!" and ruffling his hair, went into the hall.

Gaius then popped his head in and said, "The Wilson's number is near the phone on your side table, so if you need either of us just call and we'll come right back."

"I'll be all right, I'm not going to go off hiking any time soon, anyway, I expect Arthur over later on."

Merlin then realised that he had left someone off his list…Arthur!

Arthur who had swept him away even after he had learned of his sordid history; Arthur who made his heart grow huge in his chest and even at the thought of him he could feel warm feelings rushing through his body.

This was what he had thought he had when he had first met Neil but he'd later come with Adam's help to acknowledge that he hadn't. Beneath the facade, even in the beginning there had always been a hint of fear. With Arthur there was no facade, Arthur could look right into his heart if he so wished and Merlin would return the gaze unabashed.

They purposely hid nothing from each other and Merlin knew that over the years to come, more parts of his story would be uncovered and he could trust Arthur to accept them as forgivingly and stoically as he had what he already knew. Deep inside Merlin, there was the worry that he would never be able to give himself to Arthur without niggling thoughts that he was unworthy of his love.

His second guessing of himself was interrupted by the dogs' barking and a voice calling, "It's me, Merlin!" His first reaction had been to cry in relief but then he's told himself he was silly, of course Arthur would come, he'd said he would.

Merlin patted the sofa and moved some cushions, he also lifted his leg and put it on a small stool in front of him.

"Will that be all right?"

"Yes, I alternate it on the sofa and this stool. On the sofa too long and my bum goes to sleep."

Arthur sat gingerly on the edge of the sofa.

"Arthur, I'm not going to break!" He stopped and grinned, "Well, not anymore than I am already broken..."

Merlin's mother had placed a couple of beers and some crisps on the side table, the TV was on quietly, all in all the setting was perfect for a cosy evening in.

-0-0-

Arthur looked at him and said, "No more kneeling in the straw with your bum on the air…for a little while at least. At the time, I was cross with you..regret it now, as I should have been enjoying the view."

Merlin burst out laughing, "Talking like that you're going to get yourself into trouble!"

"Well, as long as you are the troubler and I am the 'troublee', there will be no complaints this end."

Merlin didn't answer, he would usually have had a witty come-back so Arthur turned to him guilty of maybe having opened up wounds or said something hurtful.

Finally, Merlin signed and said, "Arthur...I don't know..."

Arthur moved over carefully and took him in his arms, "Merlin, there is no ultimatum. I love you...being here next to you is wonderful. I feel as if I am finally where I should be. I've found you; my heart is at peace. Do you know how long, I've felt alone? Sure, I had friends but there was something missing in my life and it turned out to be a young vet from Cambridge.

"I still can't believe that you were sometimes so close staying with Gaius while I was at Throgmorton. What kept us apart? Why didn't we realise that we were both here?"

"I don't think it works that way. Some people even living in the same village never meet their true loves. Do you think we are true loves, Arthur?"

"We are, I have no doubt...I feel it here and here." He touched his chest and then his head.

Merlin cuddled into him and mumbled something and Arthur kissed the top of his head and whispered grinning, "Yes, there too!" He lay his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. He trusted Merlin. He trusted himself. He knew that he would be with him unless he told him to go away, Merlin had his heart and it was his forever.

He'd never really wanted to be alone, no matter how much he had tried to convince himself otherwise and now he knew why, sitting beside him was the reason.

He looked over at him and said, "Does it still hurt and how long are you confined to lying around doing nothing?"

"It doesn't really hurt, it aches and I find the cast is heavy as I'm not yet used to it. As to the time, that depends, once I get the hang of the cast and crutch, I was told that I could go back to an office job in five days, but as I don't have an office job…I'm off until the autumn semester. However, I will still have to go back to Cambridge as I'm sure there will be police business and I have doctors' follow ups."

"Maybe I could accompany you? I could take time off as well, then we can make unbridled love morning, noon and night!"

Merlin just shook his head. He knew that Arthur was fooling but it was after all a nice thought. Maybe not just yet but a nice thought all the same. "You do realise that as a professor, I have a pretty busy schedule. I can't just disappear when the mood is right."

"That's all right, I'll just wait until you return! We can spend the weekends, in Cambridge or in London and on very special occasions at Throgmorton."

"You are incorrigible. You are hanging around too often with Gawaine. By the way, how is his love life progressing?"

"Very nicely, he was invited to a family birthday at Tess's. The kids weren't able to attend their grandmother's birthday, so Shirley was invited to tea and he went too. I hope it works out. He is so taken with Tess and the kids. He's a reformed man. He's no longer frightened by Alfred and Libby and I think he actually enjoys them. They're nice kids, you'll like them when you meet them."

Merlin flashed back to his earlier thoughts, Arthur obviously liked these children. He wondered if he would as well. He didn't know too many youngsters as young adults were his expertise.

-0-0-

Moving closer to him on the couch, Arthur was within kissing distance. Merlin smiled and by shifting his leg on the stool, managed to turn to face him. There was that brief moment of anticipation before their lips met. They both knew it was going to happen yet they had held back savouring the moment.

Arthur decided the kissing was fun but when Merlin slipped his lips to his neck and let his teeth graze against his skin, he'd never felt anything like it. He gasped and felt Merlin's chuckle more than heard it.

"Don't tell me, no one has ever done that to you?" Merlin finally said. Arthur shook his head. Merlin said with a grin, "Oh, wait till I reach your ears, you'll be surprised at how sensitive they are."

Arthur smiled into another kiss. Merlin said pulling back, "Not only ears, My Love!" His hand caressed his neck, his lips and throat.

Arthur's mind questioned why being kissed by women had never been such a pleasure. He wished he'd not worn a shirt but he had. He knew that Merlin had encountered a button, there was a slight fumble and he felt a hand against his skin. He gasped; never had he felt such exhilaration. He couldn't believe the sensation. It were as if every nerve under the skin was rejoicing at the caress.

Merlin's fingers were brushing against him and he moaned as Merlin shifted slightly and allowed his lips to brush his chest and Arthur's back involuntarily arched.

Merlin's fingers and lips were driving him crazy. He couldn't understand why his body was responding this way as never previously had he experienced such intensity.

Merlin moved his head back and looked at him. He whispered, "Arthur, I predict that sex with you will result in much pleasure for both of us; however sadly my leg is beginning to complain."

Arthur moved away from him momentarily worried that his body's position against Merlin had been causing the pain. He buttoned up his shirt and sat up but not before leaning forward demanding one more kiss. "Do you want to put your leg back up on the sofa?"

"Think so!" Merlin added ruefully, "We get a chance to be alone and my leg acts up." Arthur stood up and moved the cushions back into position and lifted Merlin's cast slightly and Merlin shifted so his legs were on the sofa. Arthur gave him his arm and helped him pull himself more upright, positioning the pillows to support his back and also his leg.

"Merlin, I predict that we will have many times alone in the future."

The dogs started to bark and Merlin said, "Perfect timing!" He grinned at Arthur saying, "Wipe, the smile off your face or my mother will think we've done the nasty!"

Arthur started laughing; he grabbed Merlin's hand and raised it to his lips then sat at the other end of the sofa having straightened the cushions. He then realised that the two beer cans were unopened and the crisps hadn't been touched.

-0-0-

Hunith came in to check on Merlin, she said, "Hello, Arthur, nice to see you again, is my son behaving himself?" She looked carefully at Merlin and then smiled as she saw that he was still all there and safe on the sofa.

"Mum, I haven't been off the sofa. Have I Arthur?"

"No, he's following doctor's orders and taking it easy."

Gaius walked in followed by the dogs, "Anyone like a drink? Hunith didn't want to stay away too long as she was worried that you might get up to no good. I tried to explain that he would be fine as long as Arthur was around."

"Well, I was and I am but I wouldn't mind a shot of whiskey as long as everyone else does," Arthur said.

"I'll pass, Gaius, as I think I'd prefer a cup of tea. Anyone want to join me?" Hunith said.

The men all shook their heads and Gaius held up a bottle of Glenlivet and motioned to Arthur, "All right? Your father gave this to me last Christmas so it seems appropriate."

Arthur nodded and grinned. He wasn't a big drinker but a good whiskey trounced beer any day.

Gaius sat opposite him beside the fire after putting a little table near the other chair for Hunith. "Your father must have been pleased to finally see you!"

"He was," replied Arthur "But as often happens he was mostly busy but he did mention that he hoped that Merlin was coming along. I also promised to be at the office every day next week."

Hunith walked in with her tea. She was watching Merlin carefully. He seemed without a care in the world regardless of having a broken leg. He seemed so at peace yet vibrant, something which had been missing in his life for years and as she watched she realised the reason for this change was also sitting on the sofa.

Arthur continued, "However, that doesn't preclude a mid-week visit, if you wouldn't mind having me around?" He addressed this to Gaius and Hunith who both smiled and nodded.

Glancing quickly at his mother, Merlin recognised that look. In words, he would have equated it to the statement, 'If that is what my son wants...' He needed to have heart to heart with her. She had the right to know how he felt about Arthur, if for no other reason than to put her mind at rest.

He was sure that by now Gaius must have given her an idea of his friendship with Arthur but he felt he owed it to her to tell her directly and to put any doubts about Arthur which she might have, to rest. He looked over at Arthur and smiled, he couldn't help himself, his face just lit up by itself.

Arthur and Gaius were now talking ponies and Arthur promised that he would pick Hunith up tomorrow around eleven to drive her to Throgmorton to see the new foals. He'd turned to Merlin and said, "Shame you won't be able to join us but by now you must have got over the thrill of seeing ponies."

"Never!" Merlin said causing Gaius to laugh as he knew exactly how Merlin felt.

"Well," Arthur said putting his empty glass down, "I really should be making my way home. So, I'll see you at eleven o'clock, Mrs. Emerys?"

"I think you should call me Hunith and when we come back after visiting the stable, I'd like you to stay for lunch if you are not busy."

Arthur assured her that he would love to stay for lunch and grinned at Merlin.

Merlin knew that Arthur had made an impression on Hunith as she was a private person by nature and inviting someone to eat with her showed that she approved of him. Merlin if he could have would have jumped up and given her a big hung. However, he just grinned in her direction and said, "Thank you Mum, will I be invited too or do you intend to have Arthur all to yourself?"

The four of them laughed and Hunith got up saying, "No, if you behave yourself you can come too."

Arthur also stood and thanked Hunith and Gaius for letting him visit Merlin. Hunith smiled, the way he said her son's name made her realise the extent of his interest in him. Gaius said that he would put the dogs out and then come back to see Arthur out.

Hunith said, "Goodnight, Arthur see you tomorrow." Adding to Merlin, "I'll be back to help you in a little while." Leaving the two of them together…

Arthur sat down again and said, "I like your mother, she's sensible and I have a feeling that she would be as fierce as a tiger if I should ever step out of line where you are concerned."

"She's been through a lot because of me and has never let me down. She really is special."

"Better be on my way; however I think you deserve a big kiss for being a brave little soldier" He heard the dogs coming back into the house. "Sleep tight, Merlin!"

He stood up and Merlin said, "I give you full permission to dream of me Arthur because I will of you. See you tomorrow!"

Arthur nodded and walked into the hall, he said goodnight to Gaius and walked out into the cool night air. He felt so upbeat that he would have been just as happy to have walked home and then he remembered what has happened when Merlin had tried that and he'd got into his car for the drive home.

-0-0-

Gaius saw Merlin to the bathroom and then returned to open the sofa bed then went off , leaving Hunith to fuss around with the pillows and make sure her son settled.

"How the leg?"

"Not great, it feels tired for want of a better word."

"You probably were moving around too much, after all it was really your first complete day home. I left your pain pills and water on the side table so you can get them if you need them. Why don't you take one right now as it will dull the pain and you'll be able to sleep?"

"Yes, Mother!" Merlin said with a grin and Hunith handed him the pill and the glass of water. Suddenly, he blurted out, "Mum, I like Arthur and I promise I'm not rushing into anything, it's just that I really like him and I think he likes me too."

Hunith smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed, "I figured that much. He seems a very nice young man." Then she became serious, "How much have you told him?"

"Nearly everything…and he didn't run away!"

"Merlin, anyone who runs away from you, it will be their loss. You're kind hearted, generous and intelligent, maybe a little impulsive sometimes but any man in his right mind would be happy to call you his friend." She reached for his hand, "Take it slowly, Darling, if he really likes you he will wait until you have had time to sort out all those niggling thoughts in your mind."

"They're nearly all gone, Mum! I know who I am, I know I am capable of loving someone and I know that what happened before was not my fault. I was naive and lacking in confidence." He ginned at her and then hugged her and said, "Look out world, here I come!"

She laughed; such a change from the broken young man who had been returned to her from Cambridge that first time. "Well, if I don't get some sleep, I won't be in time to leave with Arthur to see his ponies. Lie down and I'll tuck you in."

She leant over and kissed him on his forehead and he slipped his arms around her neck, saying, "Mum, has anyone ever told you, that you are the best mother in the whole world?"

"Yes, Merlin, one very special person in my life…now try to sleep and if you need anything just bang the floor with the old walking stick and Gaius should come running!"


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10 : TO CHERISH AND TO LOVE**

After lunch to which Arthur had been invited, they walked with the hobbling Merlin into the garden to sit on the terrace. The sun was warm, the lounge chair comfortable and Merlin fell asleep so Hunith and Arthur talked.

Merlin came to, to Arthur telling Hunith about his father and their sometimes strained relationship. "So have the two of you solved all the problems of the world?" he asked stretching.

"Almost," said Arthur coming over to him, "Are you ready to go in or are you going to sleep again"

"I'll have you know Arthur that I was not asleep, I was resting my eyes!"

"…and I presume the little snores were just the cogs of your mind churning away."

"I'll have you know, that I do not snore! Do I, Mum?"

"Yes, sometimes but not obtrusively, not unlike a little suckling pig," Hunith turned to Arthur and grinned.

"Well, that's not as bad as Gaius! Sometimes I think there's thunder in the distance and then I realise it's Gaius. One reason, why I sleep in the attic!"

The other two laughed and Hunith looked at her watch and decided it was time for some tea. "Can you stay for supper," she said turning to Arthur, "as you are alone at Throgmorton?"

"I really shouldn't impose on your kindness any more today!"

"Oh, Arthur, you spent most of the afternoon with me and then Merlin fell asleep during your visit with him so I think, we would both be only too happy to have you join us. Gaius will be barbecuing. Just one caution, never ask him what he is preparing as although everything tastes great, I sometimes wonder what I am eating."

"Remember the sweetbreads?" Merlin said.

Hunith said, "I don't think I want to go there but you can tell Arthur while I put on the kettle."

"Do you need any help?"

"No, Dear, I'm all right, you just stay here with Merlin."

As his mother reached the house, Merlin said with a little laugh, "She must like you! …as she is already 'Dearing' you!"

"What's not to like, My Love?" Arthur said dropping down beside Merlin's chair giving him a chaste kiss.

"You can do better than that, Arthur!"

"Not if I want to stay in your mother's good books!"

"I told her that I liked you. I wasn't going to but I think she already had her suspicions. She took it well with not too many dire warnings. She thinks you're a paradigm of goodness," Merlin said as he managed to catch Arthur's lips to give better than he'd got.

They broke apart hearing Gaius's voice, "To be continued…" said Arthur smugly.

Merlin felt that he was blushing but he mustn't have been as Gaius seemed to notice nothing and said, "So what have you two been up to this afternoon? Arthur, I hear you're staying for supper."

"I was invited and I accepted. I'm looking forward to your cooking."

"Well, I won't tell you what is on the menu but even if I say so myself, I think you will be pleasantly surprised!"

Arthur looked at Merlin who burst out laughing saying, "Tell, Arthur, about your sweetbreads."

"There is nothing to it really, I had a client whose cow was ill and it finally died." Arthur felt his stomach flip.

"Anyway," Gaius continued, "Years ago at Christmas, I received a special delivery parcel from a high-end butcher and my client had sent me 'ris de veau'." Arthur felt more relieved. "I checked my cook book and there was an easy recipe, so on Boxing Day, I cooked it. Your father was here for supper and he said it was delicious. Not so your young friend over there who once he found out what he'd eaten went upstairs to make himself sick."

Arthur started laughing, poor Merlin as at least the first time he had tasted it, he had been prepared and his father said that all he had wanted him to do was taste it and he had, he'd liked it and eaten the portion served to him.

"Merlin, I believe you still look green," Arthur said with a grin.

The weather was cooperating so they ate outside watching Gaius cook. Actually his meal was delicious, the scallops, were served directly from the grill immediately they were cooked. Skewered shrimps and halibut steak followed, the setting was delightful and the company in Arthur's opinion, excellent.

Merlin nudged Arthur in the arm and said, "I can assure you, we do not eat like this every barbecue, it must have something to do with our illustrious guest!"

Hunith and Gaius had laughed and Arthur surprisingly, felt quite at home.

-0-0-

Sunday proved to be an interesting day. He was picking up Merlin and his mother to drive them to St. Thomas More's for Mass. He'd been told that he mustn't be late as Father Michael was a stickler for punctuality.

Merlin had insisted that he could travel in a car so Arthur drove his father's Range Rover. He decided both of his passengers would be comfortable in that.

He was surprised when he drove up to see that Gaius had decided to join them. He nodded at Arthur saying, "I have something to be grateful for and on a Sunday morning church seems the right place."

Hunith had smiled and added, "Also Father Michael when he sees us would have wanted to know where you were." She looked at Arthur and added, "Not the most regular church goer but a man with a heart of gold."

Smiling Arthur agreed, he had got to know Gaius more since Merlin's accident and he agreed whole-heartedly with his niece.

One of the perks of helping Merlin to church was that it was a hands on business. He had placed near the passenger's door a little wooden box which Uther used to help elderly visitors get into his higher than normal car. Merlin had scoffed but Arthur had said, "Humour me!" He'd put his arm around him and Merlin with the help of the box was able to get his rear end on the seat and swing his leg in.

If Arthur had looked, he would have seen the smile on Hunith's face.

Arthur then said, "Are you sure that you are comfortable?"

Merlin huffed and gave him that look, "Arthur, I have a broken leg, I am not totally incapacitated."

"We'll see about that…!" Arthur had said to him under his breath, receiving a thump in the arm for that remark.

When they arrived at church, Arthur parked the car as close to the wheelchair ramp as possible. He said, "I have another surprise!" He walked to the back of the car and lifted out a collapsible wheelchair. "My father used this when he hurt his ankle years ago. I had Dromo clean it up and voila, your carriage awaits."

Merlin objected but finally with Gaius pushing him and Arthur escorting Hunith, they made their way across the flagstone paths into the church. Hunith whispered, "That was excellent idea, Arthur, it would have been a long way for Merlin to hobble."

"I don't think that I am his favourite person at the moment. He wouldn't even let me push him." Arthur said smiling sadly.

"There, there…"Hunith said patting his arm.

Gaius manoeuvred Merlin through the doors and into the church. The family took their usual seats in the pews in the transept and Merlin had the choice of staying in the chair or getting into the pew. He chose to remain in the chair.

Arthur looked around, he was a non-practising Anglican but he acknowledge that St. Thomas More's RC church was beautiful, it was old and the stained glass windows and ceiling were excellent. The organ began and the choir sang a prelude and then the altar servers and the priest processed down the aisle as the congregation sang a hymn which he didn't recognise.

The Mass was meaningful and the homily interesting. Arthur stayed in his seat while Merlin and his family went up to receive Communion. The recessional hymn was 'Faith of Our Fathers' and Arthur sang along.

While waiting for the majority of parishioners to leave, Mrs. Graves in a Sunday hat, came over to them, nodded at Hunith and Merlin and said to Gaius, "About time, you came back!"

When she left Merlin started to giggle but his mother gave him a sharp look and then started to giggle herself.

"Old battle-axe!" was all Gaius would say.

Merlin smiled, his uncle although he might not acknowledge it publicly, was dependant on that old battle-axe. They had their ups and downs but she religiously turned up every weekday morning to look after him, his meals and his house.

As they left the Church, Father Michael came over, Gaius introduced Arthur and the priest shook his hand and told him he was welcome at St. Thomas's any time. Arthur had the feeling that he'd recognised the family name and knew by rights that he should have been at St. George's.

"So, young man, what have you been up to?" he said to Merlin.

"Had an argument with a stone wall, Father, and the wall won."

"Those walls, they're a bad bunch, can't be trusted at the best of times!" the priest confided and the little group had laughed. "Are you finished at Cambridge for the summer?"

"Yes," said Merlin looking downcast, "Technically, I'm on sick leave during my summer holidays."

"Well, hope you're up and around soon! You have a standing invitation to be here every Sunday," said Father Michael, adding with a grin. "…and you too, Gaius! Hunith it was lovely seeing you again." He was called away by a family proudly carrying a new baby. "Excuse me!" he said.

The whole procedure of getting Merlin back into the car was repeated. Arthur had his arm around his waist to steady him and in no time they were driving through Millsill back to Gaius's.

Arthur suddenly had a fabulous idea. "Would anyone like to go out for lunch? Now that Merlin is mobile, we could go to one of the local eateries and save Hunith having to cook and do the dishes. I'd say supper but I have to return to London this evening."

They had looked at each other, Hunith smiling had said, "Arthur, that is a lovely invitation! I for one would love to accept."

Arthur turned to Gaius who also nodded and then to Merlin who was looking a little less excited.

"What's up, don't feel up to it? We could always do it another time."

"No," Merlin said quietly," "It's just that I might have trouble getting to the toilet if we go somewhere too cutesy and quaint."

Arthur said just as quietly, "That problem solved, as we'll only consider places that have Handicapped Toilets. Does that sound better?" Merlin grinned so Arthur added, "You know, I could have helped you."

"You know the size of many toilets, there wouldn't be enough room for me, my cast, my crutch and you."

"We would have managed," Arthur said with a wink before turned around to say to the other passengers, "A Handicapped Toilet is a prerequisite for any restaurant."

Gaius said, "Why don't we try The Weaver's Weir? It's been modernised and is nicely located."

Arthur knew the place and within no time they were pulling into the car park. This time, he got to push Merlin who was quite happy to be in the wheelchair until Arthur started weaving in and out of tables in the beer garden, yelling, "Slalom!"

Hunith turned to Gaius and took his arm and said, "I think Arthur's good for him!" Gaius nodded laughing and squeezed her arm.

-0-0-

The day flew by and in what seemed like minutes, they were leaving The Weaver's and returning to Gaius's. Hunith bundled Gaius off leaving the other two alone. She explained to him, "Arthur came to see Merlin not us and they have hardly had time to talk in private."

Arthur stood in front of Merlin as he sat in the car. He reached forward and carefully took his head in his hands conscious of the fact that his scalp was still bruised. "We're alone! "He looked at his watch and said, "Could you put up with my company for another hour as then I must go? Dromo will be driving me to Ashford as coming down, I took the train to avoid Friday afternoon traffic. Wish I'd taken my car now as I could have stayed with you all night and left at daybreak!"

"I doubt it...my Mum would have thrown you out well before midnight. She's a champion of 'Early to bed, early to rise…etcetera!' It works well in her job as it does in mine. Give me a hand, I'm going to walk to the house. I've been sitting too long…"

Arthur gently helped him exit the car and negotiate the little box step. He shut the door and went around to the back, removing the wheelchair, he said, "I'm leaving this here, I can't see anyone at Throgmorton needing it but if they should, I'll tell Dromo where it is."

"But…!"

"I know at the hospital you could use one of theirs but sitting in this one, you can remember all the loving care, I gave you over the weekend…maybe not counting the Slalom race."

Merlin grinned, what Arthur was saying was true, he had got the chair for him and it did represent his kindness. He laughed as he said, "I will keep it in the sun room and then the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see in the morning will be an example of your love for me. I do love you, Arthur. I enjoy your company and the thought of you sends my heart soaring."

"I have a feeling we are compatible as my father might say about his staff, but I'll go one step further and say, that together we exist at our best and separated we falter."

Shaking his head, Merlin said, "Good God, did you swallow a book on poetry? Kiss me, Arthur, right now, I don't care if anyone is watching us, I believe in being a player not a spectator."

No one saw them and Merlin led him by the hand through the vegetable garden to a little slightly rundown summerhouse where it was more private. There was a rattan table, two chairs and a love seat. "Gaius put them here for me after…you know." he added as he sat on the love seat with his arms around Arthur.

He began to speak quietly, "When I was staying with Gaius after the first Cambridge incident, and things began to get me down, I'd come here to try to get my life in balance. It was very hard to begin with, I second guessed every thought I had. I was frightened to even look at another man in case he saw through me to the weak man whom I really was and wanted to take advantage of me. Arthur, I was a mess with a capital M."

Arthur uncurled himself from Merlin's arms and put his arms instead around him. He held him carefully as if he were the finest crystal. He supported him but did not squeeze him, allowing Merlin to settle into his arms in his own time and only then did he brush the top of his hair with his lips. He said nothing allowing Merlin to continue his story.

"If I had to go to town I'd walk along with my head down, hunched up and stayed close to the walls. People ignored me which was good as if anyone had said a kindly word, I would have burst out crying. One day, a little old man whom I knew said, 'Hello, Dear!' and I started to sob. He left me and came back with Mrs. Graves who put her arm around me and said, 'Come on, Love, it's time to go home.'

"I don't think Gaius realised how badly I'd been hurt until she brought me home and told him quite sternly, that I was hurting in my soul not only my body. Those words and Gaius's arms around me opened a flood gate and I cried for hours, for a silly stupid young man, lost after having been taken advantage of and who hadn't had the self esteem to walk out but allowed someone to continue doing awful things to him and to laugh at him when he cried."

Arthur turned his head against his own shoulder, brushing away the tears that had reached his chin. It was killing him listening to Merlin's words. He said kindly, "Shh, Merlin! I won't let anything bad happen to you ever. I love you and will stand beside you regardless of what happens. In fifty years from now, we will be grey-haired old men and we will look back on our life together with memories full of love."

"But, what happens, Arthur, if I can never love you the way you deserve?" Merlin said hesitantly.

"You already do! You fill my life with so much joy. I wake up thinking of you and before I fall asleep, I always say, "God Bless, Merlin! With Him at your side, we will manage in good times and in bad." He found himself thinking, '…to have and to hold, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part…'

He came to, hoping that he had not verbalised his thoughts. Merlin was at this moment in no condition to realise the extent of his love for him. Slowly, as they grew together he would, but now he was too fragile to look that far into the future. If necessary, it would be his lifework to keep Merlin on an even keel so that he could express his love the way it best suited him.

"Will He watch over me?"

"God will, yes!"

"He didn't then!" Merlin said a little bitterly,

"Merlin the very fact that we are together shows that someone who loves you very much has been watching over you. You survived and became a functioning member of the community. You won!"

"But I'm not the person I used to be…"

"No, you are the person you are now, a man who makes my life worth living, a man whom I love immensely and a man who at this very moment I have to say goodbye to, to get a train back to London." He leant forward and gave Merlin a chaste kiss which soon developed into something more passionate.

Merlin looked at him his eyes sparkling even though there were still tears on his cheeks. Arthur tenderly wiped them away with his thumbs. "Come on, time to get you back into the house."

They left the summerhouse making there way through the back garden onto the terrace, Tilly racing ahead of them.

Merlin turned and taking Arthur's face in his hands said, "Arthur, never forget that I really do love you! Please, don't tell my Mum that I broke down as I try to stay extra strong in front of her."

Arthur smiled and gave him a peck on the forehead, "Your secret is safe with me as you yourself are."

After saying goodbye to Hunith and Gaius, he left Merlin sitting on the terrace and promised to phone him when he reached his flat.

As he drove away, he thought, 'I was looking for someone who would look after me.' "Nevertheless," he said to the empty car, "God, please let me be strong enough to look after Merlin! In any argument let me see and understand his perspective. Let me enjoy every hour spent with him, let me be strong when he feels weak," and remembering the part that he has left out of the vow he had thought of when they were in the summerhouse, "and to cherish and to love him!"


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11 : SOME MEMORIES ARE SAFE TO SHARE**

After speaking to Merlin once he returned to London, he tried to settle back into work. He had so many questions but was unwilling to ask Merlin directly. He wasn't sure that Merlin reliving the past so frequently was a benefit to him in his recovery progress, he needed to check a few things with Adam. Should he be doing anything other that listening? Should he try to veer Merlin away from the subject or should he just abruptly change the topic?

Arthur knew that he had to spend a week in Edinburgh at the end of the month and he had what he thought was a brilliant idea. He would invite Merlin to go with him. He was sure that his father wouldn't care less as long as he got on with the work at hand. He'd often taken friends with him when he went there, even when he was working. He wouldn't need Laurence accompanying him, so why not Merlin?

Merlin would be free during the day and once he was at work, he wouldn't need Beggs so he could even ask him to drive Merlin around. He knew that Merlin and his camera would be quite happy in Edinburgh. Of course it would depend on how far advanced Merlin's leg had progressed. He'd run it by him, then tell his father and give Beggs and his wife a heads up. He smiled to himself, if Mrs. Beggs could manage Gawaine, she'd love Merlin.

The week flew by and with phone calls between London and Millsill every evening and at least once, sometimes twice during the day, they were able to keep in touch. Merlin had been back to the hospital and they were satisfied with his progress. Arthur knew that Merlin was impatient to get the cast off however, bones take time to heal and it was better to be patient than cause yourself problems in later life by rushing things.

Arthur planned to return to Throgmorton on Friday. His father had said that he was going to be away but had omitted telling him where he was going, not that it mattered. He had also mentioned that the insurance payout for the jet had been received and he was going to be looking around for a newer model.

Arthur had said, "…and Holsworth's men?"

"Of course, Holsworth's crew I wouldn't bloody well, trust anyone else. Richard will again be the pilot but I will need a new co-pilot."

For a second Arthur thought, life was hard, the dead co-pilot was all but forgotten and a new plaything would be added to his father's catalogue of toys. Mind you, maybe that was bit harsh as the plane was frequently used for business as well as pleasure and he also appreciated its convenience.

-0-0-

Arthur had decided to take the train down and Dromo would meet him. He had a pleasant surprise to see Merlin balancing on crutches with his camera raised as he got off at Ashford. For a second, he had thought that he might be getting on a train to go somewhere but he had smiled and said, "I was bored! So when Gaius mentioned that your father wasn't coming this weekend, I begged a lift with Mr. Burns to surprise you and welcome you back."

For a second the phrase, 'Honey, I'm home!' flashed through Arthur's mind, leaving him smiling as he carefully hugged Merlin without unbalancing him.

"You didn't mind, did you?"

"No, I can think of no better way to be welcomed home than by you."

"I would offer to take your bag, but with the crutches, I think that you would be better managing it yourself."

They walked along the platform chatting, Merlin confiding that Tilly was in trouble as she'd gone swimming in their neighbour's pond and brought one of their ducks home, obviously tiring of it as it was later found trying to get through the fence back to its own family.

Arthur had laughed but Merlin had said, "Don't laugh if Gaius tells you as he was less than impressed especially as Mrs. Graves had commented that as no one in the family liked duck, maybe she could be of more use next time by bringing back a chicken!"

"Of course, I got into the act by suggesting pork chops and we both received a raised eyebrow and a growl, from Gaius. While Tilly was in disgrace, lying in the corner even though she kept glancing up at us beseechingly and hesitantly wagging her tail. Gaius then said, 'You, Merlin, will walk next door and tell the family that you are sorry that _your_ dog and I put the emphasis on your, interfered with their livestock.' I felt like a fool."

"What did they say?"

"The wife laughed saying, 'Noisy old birds!' Tilly was forgiven and I was invited to have a cup of tea and a generous slice of Battenburg cake." Arthur laughed as Merlin added, "Sad really, as that is Gaius's favourite cake."

"By the way, did your Mum get off all right?"

"Yes, she left yesterday and was thrilled being picked up in a limousine and flown back to Cardiff. She'll have plenty to tell his co-workers."

They reached the car and lapsed into silence. Arthur managed to find Merlin's hand and squeezed it. Merlin sighed, what was nicer than sitting in the back seat of a chauffeur driven car with your best friend holding your hand and making little circles with his thumb. His mind jumped to something more personal but he closed down that thought immediately as the memories were still too raw. Arthur said something and he had to say, "Pardon?"

"I said," Arthur repeated, "What are you doing for supper tonight?"

"Well, we are barbecuing and it's not duck!" Dromo smiled and Arthur realised that he also knew about Tilly and her duck-knapping. "Why don't you come? I know there'll be plenty to go around and Gaius will be happy to see you."

"Agreed, as long as you and Gaius come to supper at my place tomorrow. He leant slightly forward and said, "Dromo, could you please tell Peggy that there will be three for supper tomorrow night."

"Two," Merlin corrected him, "as Gaius is going up to London tomorrow and won't be back till Sunday."

"Make that two then…"

"Yes, Mr. Arthur, anything in particular?"

"No, I'll see Peggy tomorrow morning. If you drive to the main house, I will take Merlin home and bring the Rover back later tonight." A little voice in his head said wistfully, '...or tomorrow!'

Gaius was pleased to see him and mentioned that Hunith had phoned saying that she'd arrived safely and thoroughly enjoyed the flight. He laughed adding, "Arthur, I think you have created a flight monster."

Following the meal, Gaius retired early, leaving Merlin and Arthur in the sunroom talking. Slowly the conversation turned to holidays.

-0-0-

Arthur had managed to switch his holidays to the summer as he usually took his during the winter and split them between the tropics and skiing.

Merlin wasn't convinced that it was such a good idea. "But when winter comes you'll regret not having time to go skiing," Merlin mentioned, "then you'll wish you hadn't been so hasty."

"With a father who is the owner of the business and I am his golden boy as his heir, I can assure you that I will be able to take ten days to go skiing, especially if those ten days happen to coincide with your university winter break."

Merlin smiled, "And, you could squeeze a few days in the UK so I could see you?"

"That's asking a bit much, Merlin," Arthur watched as Merlin's face fell. "However, as you would be in Switzerland with me, we'd be together every day! By the way, I never asked you, can you ski?"

"Well, my balance on the flat is good and the steeper the angle I am on, my performance suffers. But on one school trip, I nearly won La Déscente Debutante Deuxiéme Année as I arrived with the best time. However, as I had descended more that half the way on my bum, Monsieur Vogel said, 'Cela ne compte pas!' and gave the little gold medal to my friend, Billy who won only because he was the fastest at standing upright after a fall and luckily didn't do the splits until he had crossed the finish line!"

Arthur was holding himself as he rocked backwards and forward in pain. He couldn't stop laughing. He knew laughter was good for the soul and the laughter was always because of Merlin so he was quite convinced that Merlin was good for his soul!

"Funny thing was that I was really good at skijoring. My balance on the flat and the way you could lean back a little not unlike water skiing, paid off and I finally won my own gold medal. I also got a certificate for L'Etudiant Le Plus Courtois, I think that happened because I used to help the madame of our pension do the dishes after supper. I have happy memories of La Suisse in particular the Bernese Oberland area near Gstaad."

Arthur smiled remembering his class's ski trip in their final year. He shared it with Merlin, "Gawaine managed to spend a night out, turning up the next morning on the slopes. When questioned all he would say was that the American groups were less well supervised. Then he'd grinned when asked for more information, saying, 'A gentleman never tells!' This was met with hoots and hollers from all of us.

"However, we all stood beside him without saying a word or cracking a smile when an irate chaperone from an American group complained to our teacher, that one of his students had spent the night in her students' quarters. Mr. Bridge had assured her that his boys had all been accounted for.

"Later, he found Gawaine and told him to watch himself as tonight, he would be personally checking that he was where he was supposed to be. He told him that he was also relieved to think that next year our class would have left the school and he'd be able to breathe easier."

Merlin laughed and said, "Switzerland's great, isn't It?"

That had Arthur laughing even more and he realised that even if he had not known Merlin before, that comment would have made him sit up and pay attention.

He agreed, "I really like Switzerland as well. We usually go to Zermatt as my father has a chalet at Täsch."

"You have your own ski chalet. Good Heavens, Arthur! What else haven't you told me?"

"Only good things, you know my lifetime disasters and all my successes are shared by the two of us. We're building our own history.

"Arthur, I can't afford to do all these things. You might have money but my income is nothing compared to yours."

"Well, we're lucky because my father has the jet and I can fly you to Switzerland, free of charge. Our chalet costs nothing to live in and all we really have to do is pay the shuttle train and lift tickets. We can eat sparingly and drink cheap wine and spend the whole day in bed!" He stopped short. In the months he had known Merlin, no reference had ever been made to sharing a room, let alone a bed.

Arthur stopped dead, looking sheepish and said, "Sorry, it came out the wrong way! I'm not being critical..."

Merlin looked at him and smiled, he cozied up closer to him and said, "I know it is hard for you, you're in limbo but I promise one day, we'll be together."

He looked so scared that Arthur just automatically put his arms around him and held him saying, "Merlin, I don't feel as if I'm in limbo more as if I am on the flight of stairs that leads somewhere. There is no reason for you to feel bad for me, I have you here beside me, I know I'm in love and at the moment, kisses 'n' cuddles are enough!"

"You're a good liar, Arthur, I'll give you that! It's just that I'm worried that if we have sex, I will close down as I used to do with Neil," he paused before adding, "God, I hate saying his name! I used to send my mind as far away from my body as I could. I knew that with him, it was only exacerbating his anger but I couldn't pretend that I enjoyed what he did. He threatened me that if I didn't respond he would let his friends use me.

"I'd mutter, no to his advances and he'd laugh and say, 'Trust me, I know you better than you know yourself!' and a few minutes later, he would sneer and dig his fingers nastily into my thigh and say, mockingly, 'See, Merlin, your body knows better than you!'

"I decided then and there to try to cooperate. It made me physically sick, I couldn't eat and lost weight. Everybody but him, remarked on it. He was getting his way and after all, he didn't really care about me." His voice broke, "My body betrayed me, I had no control and for a little while the hitting and slapping stopped... When he was finished he'd send me to the other bedroom and I would stand under the hot water in the shower until I could no longer bear the heat.

"If I did something to displease him, I'd be locked in the laundry cupboard, for days once when he left town. To the best of my knowledge, none of his friends ever asked him where I was, even if they had…he would probably have lied. He was good at that, his life was one big lie…"

Merlin had never spoken so truthfully about what he had gone through, it frightened Arthur as he realised he was way out of his depth and the only thing he could think of doing was to continue holding him.

"One day, he was too rough and pulled the muscles in my groin. I was unable to stand. He said that I was faking and pulled me to my feet only to have me fall against the wall. He was furious and left me there. Later that day, I think I crawled to the door of the flat but couldn't reach the handle. I lay there overnight and finally around noon the next day, managed to open the door. You already know the rest, that the next door neighbour found me in the hallway and called the police. He sat beside me on the floor until the paramedics arrived.

"When he got me the second time, it was only because of my family and you that I kept going. I was more mature, I was mentally stronger because of all the help from Adam and I knew that people cared enough that they would try to find me." He smiled more relaxed than he had been and said, "And…as it turned out, directly because of your insistence that I would have phoned, Adam and Tim found me. It would have been so easy just to have let myself slip away."

Telling everything that had happened had tired Merlin, he snuggled back against Arthur saying, "I'm still a mess but at least now I can talk about it to certain people, without falling completely apart. I have met someone I trust and I think I'm falling desperately in love."

Arthur still had said nothing, he felt that he shouldn't. What could he say that would make any difference in what Merlin had been through? Adam had explained how insignificant time was in the healing process, for some months, for others years and for a few a lifetime.

So instead, Arthur kept hold of Merlin, letting his fingers brush lightly against his arm.

Merlin slipped his hand over his and clasped it, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "One day, Arthur, one day I promise…"

Smiling Arthur gently lifted up Merlin's chin and claimed his lips. He let Merlin lead the way. Merlin hadn't stopped at his lips, he'd moved to his throat and his neck. Arthur had a moment to wonder why no woman had ever made him feel special. He almost jumped out of his skin when Merlin licked the rim of his ear and then puffed gently in it. No one had ever treated his ears so sensitively. He carefully sucked on the lobe and almost sent Arthur into shock when he gently bit it. Arthur jumped.

Merlin pulled away saying, "Sorry, I should have warned you…"

"I felt it in my toes!" Arthur said surprised. "How did you know to do that?"

Merlin had put his head back down on Arthur's chest and murmured, "One of the benefits of having experience."

"But I've had experiences over the years but never like that. Mind you, I feel happy that I experienced it with you for the first time. Will it work on you?"

"We might try one day," said Merlin before claiming Arthur's mouth once again. They had to break the kiss to breathe and they lay against each other quite happily. "Arthur, I think you are what the doctor ordered!" Merlin added with a sad smile.

Arthur feeling more confident answered, "That's good, because all my visits are free and prescriptions willingly given."

"Do you ever wonder why we meet certain people? Of all the people in the world, how did it happen that I met you?"

"Well, I guess, my father is the reason, as if he hadn't got into Highland ponies and decided to breed Heather and it happened that she foaled while Gaius was away, you wouldn't have been in the barn that day and he wouldn't have asked me to check on her that afternoon. Just think, you will have to be nice to him as he was the _deus ex machina_ as far as our involvement goes."

Merlin smiled and continued rubbing his thumb along Arthur's chest. Arthur really didn't understand why his skin was suddenly so sensitive. "Arthur, does he know about us?"

Feeling rather uncomfortable, Arthur said, "No and I'm not looking forward to telling him. It is a conversation which I dread. I know I will have to tell him but the chances that he will be happy and welcome our relationship with open arms is unlikely."

"But he knows that I am gay!" Merlin said.

Arthur nodded his head, "I think so…"

"Well, if he does, he seems very level headed about it. He acts quite normally when I meet him and makes me feel at home at your place."

"True, but I don't think he realises that you are anything to me than a friend. He mightn't feel the same way when I tell him you're my boyfriend."

"Arthur, seriously, one word of advice, tell him before someone else does. Even if he is going to be shocked and furious, it will be better coming from you than the local gossip. He's a man of the world; he must know other men whose sons are gay. Does he seem to have an opinion one way or the other about homosexuality?"

This conversation was getting a bit to close to the bone for Arthur, he didn't want to hurt Merlin and felt that he should be truthful. He sat up dislodging Merlin.

"He's always scoffed that it's a phase and people if they want will grow out of it. I mentioned the famous Alan Turing and that stumped him but he got out of it by saying that obviously the right woman hadn't come along. I know that he has told Rob on numerous occasions to keep a look out for a bomb-proof child's pony." He smiled sadly, "…and you can be sure that it's not for me. He talks about the future and one of my sons inheriting PenD. Months ago it didn't mean much as I always figured that one day, I'd marry some woman and have kids but now, that won't be happening."

Merlin smiled saying, "Arthur, a gay couple can have a child with a surrogate,"

"But doesn't that seem as if you are cheating on your partner, insinuating that he is not enough and you want more?"

"No, I don't see it that way. You wouldn't be loving your partner any less. I see it as an opportunity to bring a much wanted baby into the world to be loved by a couple who are in a committed and permanent relationship. I know, my mother would love to have a grandson to call her own and she wouldn't care who the mother is as long as she produced a healthy baby. She knows that I have enough love for a baby and a partner."

"But could you love a baby that was not related to you at all, if it were the baby of your partner? Would you feel as if he loved you less than his baby?"

Merlin hugged Arthur and pulled him to himself, "I would love your baby with all my heart and my soul. However, as neither of us are going to rush off to get pregnant tomorrow, let's just enjoy our own company for a little longer."

"I love you so much Merlin that sometimes the thought of not being with you is physical pain."

"No one said that being in love doesn't sometimes hurt. Love which purposely hurts is not true love, it is a misplaced imitation. We're adults and who and how we love is our decision. Some parents cannot accept that but the majority over the years see the love between their son and his partner and rejoice that he has found that special person."

Arthur nodded, "Maybe my father will be like that and accept us but I still dread bringing it up."

Kissing him, Merlin said, "By the way, do you want a boy or a girl and can I help to choose his or her name?"

Arthur started laughing, "You're crazy, absolutely crazy and I love you for it!"

He finally left Merlin to return to his own place, to mull over in his mind how he was best going to approach his father with what he knew would be startling news…


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12 : A MISINTERPRETED GESTURE**

The thought of telling his father lay heavily on his mind. Merlin was special to him so anything negative said against him was going to not only hurt but make him furious. He loved his father as he had been his sole parent growing up. A might distant at times, however Arthur had never wanted for anything material. He'd always seen to it that he was well taken care of, even if he was not the primary caregiver.

He knew from listening to his father that he felt the mother's primary job was to raise the children as they needed their mothers. He also felt that the husband was the provider for the family. He was very set in his ways, this was how it was supposed to be.

The man knew that he would be the provider of food to accommodation, from clothing to an annual holiday when he asked a woman to marry him. Just as the woman knew she would bear his children and care for them. If he didn't have the wherewithal, he should not consider getting married. If the husband was without a job then maybe in some circumstances the mother might to go to work but that didn't mean that the father should then assume child raising responsibilities, women especial grandmothers were also good at raising children.

Arthur smiled, wondering how his fathers rule's meshed with the hodgepodge of child rearing practices at the moment. Although he never commented upon them, Arthur knew that his father was well aware of them.

Often Arthur wondered if his father felt guilty that his son had never been raised by his wife. The few times that his father ever spoke of her it was lovingly. He shuddered thinking what his father would have said listening to Merlin's and his baby propositions.

He himself accepted some of his father's ideas, someone needed to raise the baby and someone needed to provide for the family. Too many children received short shift, little care or love and no upbringing so they could become potential law abiding members of society

For a second, he wondered if adopting a child in need was not preferable to surrogacy. Then a little selfish feeling manifested itself in his heart and he knew that he really wanted to have his own child to love and to hold and that he also had plenty of room in his heart for another little baby fathered by Merlin.

He laughed at himself, he was sounding maudlin and that wasn't helping him to prepare for the biggest discussion he would ever have with his father. His father was a fair man and he was going to let that fact direct his thoughts.

He fell asleep.

 _Merlin smiles at him in a mischievous manner so he smiles back. Merlin often has absolutely brilliant ideas which are loads of fun._

' _Arthur, I have wonderful news, it's not only exciting but mind boggling. We're pregnant.'_

 _A shocked Arthur looks at him, they had spoken about it but had Merlin jumped the gun and chosen a surrogate on his own. 'What do you mean? It was going to be a joint decision wasn't it?'_

' _Well, it seems that I can have a baby if I want!'_

' _Don't be silly, Merlin! You're a man not a woman. You don't even have a uterus!'_

' _Well, there is such a thing as an ectopic pregnancy.'_

 _Arthur shrugs his shoulders, if Merlin thinks he can get pregnant why should he not let him. If it keeps him happy… 'Go ahead, Merlin, make a baby!'_

' _Are you excited? Are you happy?'_

 _Arthur decides to play along. 'Certainly, why not? I'm sure that having a baby will be lots of fun, just think nine months of waiting and then it arrives. Sounds easy to me!'_

' _Arthur, are you making fun of me?' Merlin face drops noticeably. 'I thought that you would have been really happy. Now, I wish I hadn't done it.'_

' _What did you do?'_

' _Found a little man in the woods and he promised me a baby if I promised in return to give him my second son!'_

 _Shaking his head, Arthur says, "Merlin, this is going too far…you did not visit a little man in the woods and you certainly are not going to give him your second son.'_

' _Don't say that, Arthur, he might take away the baby that I'm now carrying!'_

 _Arthur slips out of bed, there is no way he can discuss this with Merlin in the mood he is in._

' _Where are you going?'_

' _Into the woods to find the little man and give him a piece of my mind,'_

 _Merlin grins as he says, 'Be careful or you might find yourself pregnant too!'_

 _Arthur storms out. It's dark and he doesn't know where he is. Is he really going to look for a little man who can make babies? He sees a door and it creaks as he opens it. Ahead of him is a flight of cobwebby stairs, which he starts to climb._

 _He realises the stairs have given out and he is now climbing a flag pole. He is no longer that happy. He doesn't care anymore if Merlin wanted to play at being pregnant, what harm could it do? His arms are getting tired and his ankles ache._

 _He hears the roar of an engine as his father's jet comes into view, it flies directly at him and he ducks. He hears his father yell at a young boy with dark hair holding the hand of a toddler, 'My son will not love any man!'_

 _The pole snaps and Arthur dives towards the earth certain that he will land in a river which he doesn't even know for sure is there._

 _He's now a kid; his soldiers are on the shelves and his favourite teddy bear is with him in bed. He sighs, he's safe as his father is down the hall and Mr. and Mrs. Burns are in their rooms downstairs._

 _He remembers about the boy and the toddler and wonders why his father was so cross with him. Does he know them?_

 _-0-0-_

He woke to the sound of dogs' barking. What in heaven's name was the dream he'd had? He only remembered pieces of it, someone happy about a baby and someone else not as thrilled.

He stretched, maybe later on more pieces would come to his mind. Today was going to be a good day as Merlin was coming here for supper…just the two of them.

Arthur was up early so he ate downstairs in the big kitchen. Kitty was happy to be able to spoil her favourite Pendragon, whom she still referred to as The Young Master. Her daily chores included preparing lunch in the servant's quarters for inside and outside staff, but cooking for her employer's son was more to her liking.

They discussed the evening's menu. He chose salmon and seasonal fruits with his favourite decadent double cream, ice cream for dessert. He wanted simple food but he wanted to give Kitty the chance to cook something exciting. "You get to choose how the fish will be served."

He smiled to himself at her obvious pleasure. She suggested an appetiser of fried zucchini slices or stuffed mushroom caps. He told her to surprise him and his guest.

He then took the jeep and drove to the stables. The foals were growing well and two more had joined their little group. They were all turned out in one of the larger paddocks with their dams who upon seeing him had come to the fence to get the treats which he always carried when visiting the stables. The youngsters invariably follow their mother, so he got to see everyone.

Heather's little filly was eye catching and Uther had mentioned once in passing that she was to be registered Throg's Bruadar Na Glinn. It meant roughly Dream of the Valleys. He'd explained that she was his vision of the future of his ponies. Arthur smiled to himself a big name to be carried by such a little baby.

Uther had told him, "I decided that all this year's foals will have the suffix 'na glinn' as of the Valleys as I did with 'a 'chinnidh' as of the Clan, a couple of years ago when we only produced colts. Very disappointing year that, except for Eireachdail a' Chinnidh who has proved himself an excellent junior stallion."

Arthur had always loved naming the ponies but his father was also interested so it usually worked out that Uther would choose their registered names, Arthur would concur and would then be allowed to give them stable names. Arthur considered this a big concession and had always tried to have the stable name reflect the original Scottish name.

It had over the years become a tradition to retire one night to the library and over a good malt, pore over the Throgmorton's Stud Book to decide on registered names. Arthur would never deprive his father of this special evening, mainly because during this time the man in front of him was Uther his Father not Uther Owner of PenD...and if he really confessed to it, he enjoyed the lengthy evening which he often referred to Gawaine as the HPNC or Highland Pony Naming Ceremony.

No one else was allowed to be present and if there were house guests it would be put off until a later date when the son and father could be alone.

He wondered that if after he told his father about his sexual preference, the HPNC it might not become a one man show. Maybe his father would also give him notice that he should vacate not only his office but also his rooms here. For a second, a shadow was cast over his future with Merlin.

-0-0-

Arthur had planned a day out with Merlin to drive to the coast to take photos. He had tickets for the two of them to go on a twelve thirty boat trip out of Eastbourne so that Merlin could photograph the chalk cliffs which included the white cliffs known as the Seven Sisters and the Bushy Head lighthouse. It was all dependant upon the weather but the day seemed perfect.

The one and a half hour drive down flew by as they chattered the whole time. Arthur tried to remember his dream but he ended up having Merlin collapsing in laughter when he told him that he'd said that he was having a baby all by himself.

Merlin seemed his old self again, with no hold overs from the previous day's uneasiness and upon arriving in Eastbourne, they had had a coffee before going to the pickup point for the boat tour.

Arthur sat back relaxing as Merlin took one shot after another. The boat only had one other couple who were also photographers so the captain took his time and let them choose how long they wanted to stay in one spot. The seas were calm and no one was seasick. Arthur took a few shots with his phone around the boat, one rather nice one of Merlin silhouetted against the cliffs. Well, at least he thought it was nice. Probably Merlin would find a lot to criticise but he was happy with it. The gulls had decided that their boat might be a good source of handouts so they were bobbing in the water around them. Arthur kept his eye out for marine turtles and basking sharks which according to their guide were sometimes seen by tourists.

Upon returning to Eastbourne, Arthur decided to drive a further fifty minutes to the seaside town of Brighton, a favourite of King George IV, to tour his seaside pleasure palace the Royal Pavilion. He was very happy with Merlin's reaction to the famous Regency building with its Indian and Chinese styles.

Merlin's eyes sparkled as he said, "Arthur, I've only ever seen photos. This'll be wonderful."

"You know you can't take photos inside but outside is fine."

"I understand nothing worse than trying to look at a room surrounded by bobbing phones and tablets. Mind you, it would be lovely if some of these heritage buildings had a photographers' day when only serious people where allowed in to take photos, however I understand why the rules are in place."

"Did you know, Merlin, that in some of the cathedrals, people are allowed to take photos if they have a photographer's permit which can be purchased for a couple of pounds from a machine in the entry. Makes sense to me, though maybe the fee should depend on the type of camera used. It would have to be on the honour system as you would have to choose the payment according to how good your camera is." He looked at Merlin's camera and accessories and decided that £7 should be a fair charge.

They left Brighton around three thirty and were back in Throgmorton by six. Supper was at seven o'clock.

Kitty's meal was excellent, Arthur had opened a bottle of wine and they toasted the cook when she came in to see if everything was to their liking.

"Do you eat like this the whole time?" Merlin said glancing around the dining room.

Arthur had laughed, "No, many times if I am alone, I eat upstairs in my sitting room or it's lunch in the conservatory in warm weather and in the winter in the small dining room off the kitchen. We usually only eat in here if we are entertaining."

"So, you're entertaining tonight?"

"I certainly am…"

"And am I the guest of honour?"

"You certainly are!"

"Then, might the guest of honour start his dessert, as the ice-cream is calling to him?"

Arthur laughed and said, "Most certainly, My Good Man!"

Merlin looked at him his eyes sparkling and reaching for Arthur's hand nearest to him, saying, "Arthur, I do love you." He then gave Arthur's fingers an ice creamy kiss and then proceeded like a cat to lick up any trace of ice-cream from them.

The licking was such a surprise that Arthur dropped his spoon and the ice-cream splattered on the table and over his shirt. Merlin said with a grin, "If we were completely alone I could clean that up for you too. Your shirt that is not the table!"

It fascinated Arthur, that Merlin could make spilt ice-cream so much fun. He wished they had been eating upstairs as he would have removed his shirt and challenged him to clean it up. Then his mind took a couple of leaps and he blushed hoping that Merlin hadn't noticed. He glanced at him and he was smiling directly at him and nodding his head at the same time.

'Good God!' he thought. 'Can he even read my mind?'

Arthur had thoroughly enjoyed having supper alone with Merlin. They had gone up to Arthur's rooms and Merlin was impressed. It was really a self-contained suite of rooms that he would have loved to have had. They were located in a wing on the second floor, perfect for entertaining friends.

Once inside, there was a hallway with various doors. There was a small kitchen and adjoining dining room, four bedrooms, one of which was an office cum TV room. A large sitting room occupied the south west corner of the wing with beautiful views over the parkland. Arthur told him that after having furnished his London place in a modern style, he decided to keep this room traditional. All the furniture looked comfortable and the colours reflecting that his was a country home. Merlin approved.

"Do you want to see the rest of the place?"

Merlin nodded. Arthur then opened another door so he could see a blue bedroom, Arthur had laughed adding, "This is the room which Gawaine insists is his. I should think he even has stuff in the cupboards and drawers."

The next room was predominantly green, it also had a large double bed and an ensuite. Arthur added, "Of course, there are lots of other bedrooms in the house so if I have a big party my friends occupy them. He walked across the hallway so he was again on the south west side.

Opening another door, he smiled and said, "Come on in, I promise I won't jump you…" he said with a laugh as he reached for Merlin's hand. "This is my bedroom, it has an adjoining door to my office.

Merlin felt his stomach clench as he saw the king sized bed and the obviously masculine room. One part of him wanted to scream and the other part of him wanted to sigh admiring the beautifully decorated room. He could live here quite happily...alone!

He pulled away from Arthur and headed for the hall, he saw an open door and scooted through it, he was in Arthur's office which had an ensuite, he raced into it and locked himself in.

He dropped the toilet lid and sat down. He was panting, his head was throbbing as he said to the empty room, "God, why does it still hurt?"

Arthur knew where Merlin was so he went through and sat on the sofa bed waiting. Then he decided that might be seen in the wrong light so, he walked quietly back to his living room and stood looking out the window.

His heart was aching for Merlin. He felt hopeless and was worried that his taking Merlin's hand had been seen for something that it wasn't. He had been excited for him to see his lovely room with its antique double testa, red curtained bed, the big strong armoires and Tudor table and chairs...Merlin had obviously misunderstood.

The last thing that he had wanted to do was to hurt his already fragile friend. It had been an absolutely stupid idea to bring Merlin into his own rooms, in hindsight, they should have stayed safely downstairs, on common ground.

He was miles away, when he felt a hand on his shoulder and a muffled voice said, "I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me…but I'd like to go home now, Arthur."

Arthur turned to a tear stained face and without thinking he held out his arms and a sobbing Merlin walked into them.

After a while, Arthur moved to the sofa and Merlin sat beside him. Arthur had yet to say anything. They sat in silence. Finally, Arthur said, "I wanted you to see my furniture most of it is antique. I'm so sorry that I scared you."

"You didn't do anything, it was me and my stupid memories, the walls started to close in and I panicked. When the time comes, if you are still with me by then, maybe we should plan to be in the open air for our first time together." He smiled through his tears as Arthur gently kissed him.

"Come on," he said, "if I don't get you home soon, even though Sam said he'd make sure your dogs were put out, you will have a puddle to deal with and you'll blame me." Arthur added, "My car keys are downstairs in the bowl on the hall dresser."

They walked side by side along the corridors and down the main staircase, Arthur quietly pointing out his favourite artwork and sculptures. They picked up their jackets on the way out.

Arthur stayed in the car until Merlin had let himself into the house. They had arranged to meet Sunday for lunch at Merlin's. Arthur knew that he was going to church but as he hadn't invited him, he didn't offer to accompany him. 'Sleep tight, My Love!' He thought as he drove out the gate.

-0-0-

Merlin let himself into the house and let the dogs out the kitchen door and sat at the table. He knew he had acted like an absolute fool but he couldn't help it. Adam had said that he would regain all his self confidence and probably only have rare flashes of his experiences in Cambridge. However the memories were more than rare; they were frequent.

Maybe, he needed to cut his ties with Arthur and revert to being alone as he obviously wasn't ready yet for any close friendships, especially one that he felt so intensely about as he did his and Arthur's.

He was embarrassed by his behaviour in Arthur's bedroom but he knew that if he had stayed he would have started screaming. It was all too much, his mind had been playing cruel tricks. He had felt that Arthur was going to grab him, throw him on the bed and threaten him. His only recourse was to turn tail and run…which he had.

Arthur must think him a real fool. He had been kind and understanding when he'd finally come out of his hiding place but for how long would he be willing to put up with his behaviour? It hurt so much inside to have found someone he really liked...his mind vetoed saying loved, and to know that he was slowly driving him away. Why would Arthur, who could easily find another man without serious hang ups to love him, waste his time on him?

Tilly barked at the door and he let them in. At least, with the dogs he could be himself, no pretence, they accepted his low moments and rejoiced when he was up for a game of chase.

They made their way to the sunroom, Bouncer flopped down on his blanket beside the bed and Tilly hopped up on the bed. Her body against his thigh was comforting. 'See,' he told himself, 'you're not really alone…'

-0-0-

Arthur lay in bed thinking, 'If Merlin and I stay friends, hoping for a future together, I'll need help. I am often completely out of my depth as to how to treat him. In trying to be friendly, I think I sometimes make matters worse. He's entitled to support and I don't yet understand how to go about it. I'm confused as I want to be beside him as well as giving him the space he obviously needs. I'm hurting not only myself but more importantly him.'

He smiled to himself, turned over and said quietly, "Merlin, I'm like a little puppy which really likes you, but sadly doesn't know when to stop…or even where to begin!"


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 : PICKING UP THE PIECES**

Arthur got up determined to be really low key today. He still intended to spend the day with Merlin and decided to go over there around at eleven, not waiting for him to phone. He was glad he had as Merlin had finished his toast and he was able to join him for a coffee.

To begin with it was as if they were pussy footing around each other. Merlin seemed unsure of himself; Arthur was careful as he didn't want a repeat of last night. However, as the day progressed they were soon back to themselves.

Arthur managed to get Merlin to agree to go to one of the nicer coastal hotels in Folkestone, for lunch by saying, "It'll take around a half hour to get there, and I want people to look at me and see my gorgeous boyfriend."

Merlin had laughed with a sigh of relief as he had been worried that after last evening's fiasco, Arthur had only come over because he had promised to do so. He agreed to eat out and Arthur whisked him away in his father's dark red classic 1976 Lotus Elan 2.

Merlin shook his head when he saw it and was only willing to get in after Arthur promised that he would not be driving like a 'bat outta hell'.

"Do you want me to get all my driving privileges rescinded? My father will be furious if I even put a fingerprint on this car. Come on!" Arthur grinned, "Let's live dangerously and drive slowly!"

The hotel where they had lunch was lovely, right across from the beach. After lunch they wandered along it looked for pieces of sea glass which Merlin loved. He confided, "As a kid I though they were magical and my poor mother received gifts of pieces of glass if I ever went to a beach. Did you know that a good place to find them is Queensferry, on the pebble beach near the Firth of Forth Bridge? They're a gift from the sea."

Arthur stored that information away as maybe one day he would find a special piece of sea glass just for him.

-0-0-

During lunch, Arthur had invited Merlin to London. "I have tickets to the Arsenal-Liverpool match on Saturday. I have invited Gawaine whose an avid Liverpool fan and a friend's nine year old young son Alfred. I'd love you to be there too. It'll be a good game and we are invited back to Alfred's mother's place for dinner. I told her that I would speak to you. You'll like Tess. She's an Afghan war widow with two kids. I've know her all my life, she actually used to pretend that I was her little brother. Her mother Shirley knew my mother and they were good friends. Tess also has a five year old daughter called Libby who is adorable.

"Gawaine is head over heels in love with 'La Belle Tess', as we refer to her. She likes him as well, but don't tell him that! I think she is waiting for him to settle down a little before she makes any promises. And he has…he drinks much less, dresses better and is more involved with the goings on in the world not just his local and how much everyone imbibes."

"I like Gawaine," Merlin said, "I think he is a force to be reckoned with and strikes me as a person who would stick by you even in the worst of situations."

Arthur laughed as he added, "Which situations, he probably created in the beginning! So, it's a yes, then? I can tell Tess that you will be joining us for supper?"

"She won't mind having a stranger in the house?"

"No, she's heard enough about you from me, I'm sure she feels as if she almost knows you!"

Not wanting to create any misunderstandings, Arthur added, "I can pick you up from Adam's if you come on Friday or otherwise at the station if you're coming up on Saturday. I'd offer to drive down to bring you up myself but I have a business do on the Friday night that I can't get out of so I'll be stuck in town."

For a minute Merlin felt jealous as he figured that Arthur would be surrounded by charming ladies then he smiled, as he remembered that he certainly was not interested in the fairer sex.

"What's so funny?"

"Arthur, I am quite capable of getting around. I have my car and if necessary I could drive into London which I won't as parking is horrendous and the trains are faster and easier. I will also be able to get to the Emirates Stadium."

Grinning Arthur said, "And how long have you know about that name?"

Blushing slightly, Merlin had to confess that he had only looked it up recently when Arthur had mentioned his favourite team. "I also know about Stamford Bridge and even Anfield. I once attended a game there with Gaius when I was younger."

"Well, you and Gawaine will have something more in common. We'll be making a football fan of you yet!" Arthur put his arm around his shoulders in a friendly way and was pleased that Merlin hadn't pulled away but had grasped Arthur's hand which was on his shoulder.

On the drive back, Arthur realised that a day at the seaside far from all their problems had been good for both of them. He still thought before blurting out something, which Merlin might in turn consider inappropriately sexual. The more relaxed Arthur became the less likelihood that that would happen. It was strange as he was not the one in the group that was known for such theatrics, that used to be Gawaine's domain.

They parted the best of friends and Merlin seeing that his uncle's car had not yet returned, had placed his arms around Arthur's neck and kissed him. It had seemed the most natural thing to do and soon the kisses were less chaste and more passionate. Merlin arms were now around Arthur's waist and his hands were resting on his hips.

Arthur thought he was in heaven…

It was the sound of tires on the gravel drive which broke them apart and they both looked guiltily at Gaius as he called, "Did you have a good weekend boys? If you move out of the way, I can put my car in the garage."

Arthur then took his leave explaining that he had to get the train back to London.

"And also get that little honey of a car back so it can be washed, waxed and into your father's garage before he gets back…!"

"I had permission to drive it honestly I did, Gaius! Anyway, I really should be leaving, speak to you when I get back to London, Merlin."

He got into the car and with a wave left the drive.

Merlin turned to his uncle and said, "Did you have a good weekend with your friends?"

"Yes, I did and I won't bother asking how yours went as it seems to me, it went pretty well…"

Merlin followed Gaius into the house grinning. He thought, 'Today had ended better than yesterday. Arthur had forgiven his stupid outburst and he felt more confident again.'

Later that evening, Arthur had phoned briefly to let Merlin know that he was safely back in London and already missing him. Arthur smiled to himself remembering what Merlin had said about being in the open. He had a feeling that if Gaius had not interrupted them, things might have progressed a little further.

-0-0-

After hanging up, Arthur stood on his balcony, looking up river past the HMS Belfast. He smiled to himself, he had the best of both worlds, a city flat with fabulous views and a country home far away from the noise and bustle of London. He went back into the flat and looked in the fridge, he wasn't really hungry but he'd skipped supper and just needed something to tide him over until breakfast. He looked lovingly at his Costa pods deciding that if he wanted to sleep tonight he should forgo coffee. He settled for Perrier.

He sat in front of the TV to watch The Fall and his mind jumped to Tess.

They had had a heart to heart one day. He'd told her that he'd found someone he liked. She was thrilled and all for double dating with Gawaine and the new woman. It was then that he told her quite simply, that his date would be a man. She took it in stride. He hoped his father would do the same and he said, "Surely, you have questions, go ahead! I won't tell you any lies."

"Well, I can't say I'm not surprised as you always have a woman on your arm at all events but I'll be interested in meeting whomever it is that had caught my 'little brother's' eye." She grinned at Arthur and said, "Is he nice?"

Arthur blushed and said, "Yes! I've never be drawn to anyone before. He's fun, and we just seem to have similar likes and dislikes. I think you'll like him."

"Does Gawaine know him?"

"Well, Gawaine went to all the trouble of tracking him down and inviting him to join our group for drinks and supper one night."

Tess smiled that was so like Gawaine. He had a heart of gold and was very true to his friends. She felt proud of him, "Where did you meet him?"

"I met him when he was supervising a difficult foaling at Throgmorton. His name's Merlin, he's a vet and the great-nephew of Gaius down at Millsill."

"I always feel kindly towards Gaius, as he looked after Squibbs when Libby's pony stood on him." Tess recalled.

Arthur remembered that horrendous event when Mister had accidentally stood on Libby's rabbit's leg breaking it and sadly it had been Libby's fault as she had been told not to bring the rabbit down to the stable. Luckily, Gaius had been around and he had taken over and soon had Squibb's leg in a little cast and a little girl smiling through her tears.

Tess suddenly said, "…but you were supposedly so great in bed. The girls couldn't stop talking about you."

Arthur said with a grin, "Well, thank you!"

Laughing, Tess said , "Not me silly, my friends…" as she punched him in the arm.

He shook his head, "They carried me along and made it a pleasure but to tell you the truth, I didn't expect anything more and obviously they didn't either. I didn't realise the intensity of a touch from someone when you are both in love." He looked at her and said gently, "You know the feeling, you've been there." Tess nodded suddenly looking sad as a glimpse of grief passing over her face.

Arthur touched her arm gently before continuing, "For me, there were no real feelings involved. Some times, it was two separate people benefiting from the other's body. We were no different than a couple of dogs in the park," he grinned, "minus any bystanders. No, I might have been left breathless but I assure you it wasn't from the company. I was never heart-broken when they left to move on and I don't believe, I ever followed up on any one other than meeting them socially."

"What about what's-her-name, Lord Bayern's daughter, you and she seemed to get on like a house on fire? I was sure that one day there would be an announcement in The Times."

"I really did like her but my attraction was to her brains and her ease in society. She could accompany me anywhere and I knew that she would not be out of her depth and more than able to cope. She was attractive and very understanding. From our second time out, I had told her that I was on the lookout for a really good boyfriend for her. She'd laughed and that had made me feel better and when finally I had introduced her to Melbourne's son, Kit, I could see that he would treat her well and that she was already interested in him. I was at the wedding and she was a beautiful bride and I am sure that she and Kit will be happy together as he looks at her as I never did.

"I was oblivious to how I felt about men until Merlin came along. It was as if he had turned on a light switch and everything had become clearer." He smiled and said more quietly, "Not only did I see more clearly but my body reacted differently."

"Well, I'm looking forward to meeting him here after the game. Which side does he support as I don't want to put my foot into it?"

Arthur grinned, "Not sure, as we have never talked about football!" In his mind he thought, 'Check with Merlin about his favourite team.'

-0-0-

This week, he'd be busy but he'd still make a point of phoning every evening so he could wish Merlin a good night. He had one thing to look forward to, as they'd be going to the match on Saturday.

Alfred had already phoned once reminding him that the match was on Saturday at three o'clock and asking if he was he picking him up or Gawaine? Arthur assured him he'd pick him up and then they'd go to get his friend Merlin.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"I hope that one day he will be, but I haven't know him that long."

"That's OK, Mummy said that when she met Daddy, it was love at first sight. She knew but it took him a little longer. Maybe that's like you and Merlin!"

Arthur thought, 'I hope so, Alfred, I hope so!' as he said, "I'll phone your Mummy on Friday to let her know when I'll pick you on Saturday. Now, be a good boy for her until then. Goodnight!"

-0-0-

Merlin found that keeping busy, helped the weekend and Arthur come sooner. He had mentioned to Arthur that he'd been to the clinic in Ashford for a check up on his leg and they were pleased with his progress. He was now sporting a grey air-cast. It was still a bit cumbersome but certainly better than the plaster contraption he had been wearing.

Each time Arthur attended meetings with his father, he worried about their future conversation when he would tell him about his sexual preference. It was going to be a brutal shock to him. He had decided to make sure he did it before some well intentioned person did.

He'd been exceptionally careful. Merlin's family was no problem but the more he was seen socially with Merlin the more likely tongues would start to wag. He could count on his close friends but was worried about someone who was not a friend noticing something that got them thinking and then trying to be smart-arsed might start rumours.

He would have felt quite confident in having it announced on the front page of The Times but out of respect for his father he knew that he deserved to hear it first from him.

Arthur decided that Throgmorton was the best location as usually his father and he were more relaxed and telling him in his office in London would be equivalent to being hauled up before the headmaster for some imagined or actual misdemeanour.

He just wanted to stop having to hide the fact that Merlin meant something special to him. He hadn't a clue how his father would react as they had never had a one on one discussion about personal sexual preferences, either their own or those of their acquaintances.

Arthur knew that a couple of his father's cronies were same sex partners but he had never picked up any negativity when he was in his father's presence with them. If anything, there seemed to be an apparent laissez-faire attitude. He realised that having a son tell a father that he was gay might be a completely different kettle of fish. He smiled to himself, maybe not the best choice of words for such a momentous family happening.

He planned to remain calm regardless of his father's reaction. He had no way of knowing which way the conversation would go. He hoped that his father would be understanding and supportive once he had got over the initial shock. Maybe, it would be a complete disaster with his father driving him out of the house and his life. Finances were of little importance as he had been the sole heir of his mother's estate as his father had wished. However, he liked working with his father and he would be hurt if he walked away from him.

He'd never discussed his fears with Merlin as his family was completely supportive of him and it was something which he knew he was going to do alone. He knew that he would be there for him whichever way it went but he sincerely hoped that after the initial shock, his father might welcome Merlin without any animosity.

There was a knock on the door and his father walked in. He looked at Arthur saying, "What's wrong with you, you look as if you have the burdens of the world on your shoulders?"

Arthur looked up and smiled, "Maybe not all the burdens but a few of them…"

"Well, get over it as we have a dinner meeting with the Finance Minister tonight. He managed to squeeze us in. If we are successful, it will release more money for our offshore enterprises. Bring you PA with you as he can keep a record of what goes on and for heaven's sake have a more positive attitude as the way you looked when I came in, I would have thought that the bottom had fallen out of the market and we were all up to our necks in debt."

Arthur laughed, "I'll give it my best!"

"Giselle will be sending you pertinent information as to time and place." With that, he was gone and the office door clicked shut.

"Shit!" said Arthur, "No peace for the wicked." He'd be phoning Merlin later than usual tonight but he knew he'd be waiting for his call. How he wished that he was in London with him and it would be just a matter of opening his flat door and seeing him there. 'Maybe one day but sadly not any day soon…' he thought.

-0-0-

Merlin had spoken with Adam asking if he could stay over Friday and Saturday. Adam had laughed, "Sure! However, I doubt that we will be seeing that much of you…"

"Well, probably not as Arthur has invited me to the Liverpool-Arsenal match on Saturday and then supper with Gawaine and his girlfriend. I'm hoping that we will spend Sunday together but I'm leaving it up to him as I don't know what else he might have planned."

"If he's busy Sunday, you could come with us," Adam said, "as we're going to a charity gymkhana for Tim's hospital. Should be fun, lots of classes for young riders. Afterwards there's a barbecue at one of his associate's places and you'd be welcome to come along as after all you are in the _medical_ profession."

Merlin laughed, "I'll have to get back to you on that! If I'm wandering around aimlessly on Sunday, I might accept your offer."

"Anyway, we'll see you on Friday, if no one's around make yourself at home and if you want to be in Tim's good books, you could take Victoria for a jaunt around the square. By the way, how are things going with Arthur?"

"Well, we're still on a friendly footing but with some of the stupid things I've pulled recently, I'm surprised that he hasn't just given up on me."

"No one said, it was going to be easy and he seems very understanding. Give him a chance. He likes you and it's obvious to me and probably him as well, how you feel about him. Try to keep positive. I highly doubt that Arthur is going to force you, Merlin, or intentionally hurt you. Both of you will just have to let things take their own course."

'Easier said than done!' Merlin thought recalling his childish actions at Throgmorton.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14 : CLOSER THAN EVER**

Friday dragged by for Arthur, all he could think of was Saturday when he would pick up Merlin and Alfred for the game. Gawaine had contacted him and it was agreed that Arthur and the others would take the tube from King's Cross to the stadium in Islington a short ten minute trip. Gawaine would meet them in their seats.

Arthur tried to concentrate on work but it was hit and miss. He was determined to be on his toes for the evening do as it was business related and quite important to the firm. The evening was a success on one hand and a flop on the other, as he had been cajoled into accompanying the Australian COE's daughter who was studying in London to a dinner party midweek. He smiled charmingly and he saw his father nodding approvingly. He knew that his job involved socialising but he preferred to attend on his own not as someone's specific date!

-0-0-

Merlin was up bright and early on Saturday. Arthur had phoned late last night and he had offered to meet him at King's Cross at the Costa in the Arcade near the Eurostar. "It'll save you having to drive all over the place." Arthur had agreed and set a time. "Don't worry, if you're late as I read that they're open 24/7."

Merlin was there early so he got a chai latte and sat on one of the tables on The Arcade. He had almost finished when he looked up and saw Arthur approaching chatting to a young boy wearing an Arsenal scarf. They looked like a father and son out for the day. He stood up and Arthur saw him, his face breaking into a grin.

Arthur pulled Alfred in front of him and said, "Merlin, I would like you to meet Alfred. His mother is a long time friend of mine."

Merlin shook hands with the boy who smiled saying, "I hope I'm not being a nuisance as you would probably have been just as happy to be with Arthur without my tagging along."

Merlin had laughed and said, "Well, I think it's a good thing you're going with us as I'm afraid I don't know too much about Arsenal and I was hoping that you were going to point out things I should know."

Alfred turned and looking up at Arthur said with all the wisdom of a nine year old, "Arthur, I like him. Good choice!"

Arthur had looked at Merlin and shrugged smiling before saying, "Alfred, if you don't behave yourself, I'll put you on the Eurostar and your mother can pick you up in Paris!"

"That would be so much fun but I don't think she'd find it was that funny, do you?"

Merlin laughed and said, "I won't let him do that as I need you with me at the game." Alfred looked up at Merlin as if he were his partner in crime.

Merlin enjoyed the game. He loved seeing how intense Gawaine and Arthur were as their teams battled it out. To Gawaine's delight, it ended as Arsenal 1 - 2 Liverpool.

Alfred had asked Gawaine why he wasn't wearing a Liverpool scarf and Gawaine had said, "Do you want me to get beaten up on the tube on my way home?"

"No, you'd be all right because I've got my Arsenal scarf on and I can tell everyone you're my friend!"

Arthur smiled at the boy and said ruffling his hair, "Shame really, as the best team didn't win did it, Alfred?"

Grinning, Alfred said, "Don't worry, Arthur they will next time!"

"Man after my own heart…" said Arthur turning to grin at Merlin who he could see was really taken with Tess's son.

The four of them made their way back by tube to Alfred's home.

-0-0-

Merlin liked Tess as soon as he met her. She was amusing and intelligent, a great hostess and from what he could see an excellent mother. He also met Libby who latched onto him as a child might a new toy. She insisted upon going upstairs to get her giraffe called Arthur and squeezed in between Arthur and he when they were sitting on the sofa.

Gawaine found the whole thing funny but Tess told her daughter to go and put their dog Titus out into the garden and she did what she was told. However, she returned to plunk herself down between them again.

Laughing, Arthur picked her up and put her on his lap. In so doing, he moved over slightly, so that his leg made contact with Merlin's. Alfred had been sitting between Merlin and him during the game and he knew it was childish, but he wanted Merlin beside him.

Laughing Tess said, "You should be honoured, Merlin, as if she doesn't like a person she scampers off once she has been introduced."

Somehow they got to talking about Throgmorton and the name Gaius came up. When Libby found out that Gaius was Merlin's great-uncle. She leant over to whisper to him, "He saved Squibbs when Mister stood on him," adding confidentially, "he's a very good vet, you know!"

Merlin didn't have too much contact with children and he was completely swept away by Tess's two.

They had dinner and then Tess sent the children to watch TV while the adults continued talking. Every so often she'd smile and grin at Arthur and he realised that it was not only the younger members of the family who had been swayed by his boyfriend. Later, she settled the children and returned downstairs to talk.

Finally it was time for them to leave, she thanked Arthur for taking Alfred to the game and also for bringing Merlin so she could meet him.

Merlin said, "I should be the one thanking you for such a lovely supper and congratulate you on your beautifully mannered and entertaining children."

Smiling Gawaine said, "…and all we'll hear for the next few days is 'Merlin said this' and 'Merlin can do that'. You never told me you had that affect on children."

"I don't think I do!"

"Well, obviously you do...children and all four legged creatures," said Arthur as he placed his hand on Merlin's shoulder.

They stood to leave and Tess reminded Gawaine that he was coming for lunch the following day, causing Arthur to say, "Aye aye!"

For once in his life, Gawaine looked uncomfortable and hastily explained that it was Tess's mother's birthday and they were having a celebratory lunch.

Arthur turned and winked at Tess who placed her hand on Gawaine's arm and smiled. She knew that Arthur could be a real tease and had not felt at all upset by his comment.

The three men left together and planned to walk to the closest tube instead of taking cabs.

Arthur said, "It's been a long day for you, are you all right on your leg, I can just as easily call a cab."

"No, this cast is better than the other and I was sitting mostly at Tess's so I'm great."

Gawaine left them together as they made their way to their platform. Arthur hesitated and finally said, "Feel like coming back to my place for a drink. We haven't been alone all day."

Merlin was going to say, 'But, we will be tomorrow.' Then realised that he would like some one on one time with Arthur and said, "That would be nice but on the understanding when it's time for me to go home, I just get a cab. No need for you to see me to my door."

Thinking, 'Maybe one day, your door in London will be my door,' Arthur agreed.

Merlin felt quite at home in Arthur's flat. They sat for some time on the balcony watching the river traffic and the people crossing the bridge. "Does this go on all night?"

"I would think so but not as many dinner-tour boats or water taxis. There are always people wandering around, however they say that London never sleeps so it is understandable. Some nights if I can't sleep, I bring a blanket out here and sit and watch the goings on. I remember one morning, waking up a five realising that I'd dozed off and I'd not spent much time in bed that night."

Merlin laughed and said, "One evening after supper, I went to sit in the little summer house at Gaius's and I woke to something brushing against my chair. I was shocked to realise it was after three, I guess Gaius had felt that I was safe there, he'd thrown a blanket over me and had decided not to wake me…"

Noticing Arthur's puzzled look, he said quietly, "Following my first run in with Neil, I sort of lost all sense of time. Everything, day and night was all mixed-up and I was as likely to sleep from noon until eight in the evening as I was from eleven to seven. Gaius was very understanding and just used to feed me whenever, I put in an appearance."

"…and now?"

"Now, I'm practically back to normal with regular sleep patterns but sometimes I still have problems staying asleep and often wander around the house. Luckily, Bouncer needs to go out in the middle of the night so, if the weather is good, we tour the garden until he is ready to come in again. Should Gaius mention it the next day, I use that as an excuse."

Merlin was on a roll and told Arthur a few more things about his disastrous first love affair. "I was so stupid. Why couldn't you have been there to sweep me off my feet? I would have been happy and safe."

Arthur had his arm across the back of the sofa they were sitting on and Merlin slipped against him. Arthur let his hand close around Merlin's shoulder as if holding him to him. "If I had been there, I probably would have…as you would have made me realise so much sooner that I was gay."

"Why didn't you figure it out sooner Arthur?"

"Maybe because it was ordained that I would meet you and fall head over heels in love without knowing exactly what was happening to me."

Arthur bent his head and Merlin ran his hand up his cheek and into his hair. He felt safe and loved. He smiled as he let his hand rest on Arthur's chest and felt his heart thumping. He said, "Arthur, is my heart thumping like yours is?"

Arthur slipped his hand across Merlin's chest and said, "Yes, I think it is.' He didn't move his hand but left it there.

Merlin now had slipped his hand under Arthur's shirt and was driving him to distraction making circles on his chest. He suddenly pulled his hand out and replaced it with his lips. Arthur's insides started to turn into jelly. He was Merlin's if he wanted him.

Merlin hand finally rested on Arthur's belt buckle and then the chimes from various churches could be heard and he suddenly realised it was three o'clock. He sat upright and said, "I think I need to go back to Adam's. They'll be worried!"

Arthur didn't move but said quietly, "They know you are safe with me. They won't be worried."

Smiling sheepishly, Merlin said, "I know they won't but I am…"

"Stay here, you can sleep in the guest room and it even has a lock on the door."

Merlin smiled lazily as he said, "To keep me in or you out?"

"Not, to keep you in, you have full range of my flat and I promise, I won't stir from my bed."

"Not even to pee?"

"Well, maybe to pee but as both rooms have their own bathrooms that will be no problem."

"I won't be a nuisance?"

"No, Merlin, you'll never be a nuisance here."

Merlin took a few moments and Arthur could see him weighing the pros and cons, He finally said with a little grin, "As it is so late and there are virtually no cabs available in the whole of London, I will accept your kind invitation."

"There's a dressing gown on the back of the door and probably toothpaste and a brush in one of the bathroom drawers. Towels, an extra blanket and pillows are in the cupboards."

"Do you entertain regularly then?"

Arthur was serious as he shook his head and said, "Usually, it's just Gawaine or one of the others who is in no condition to be put in a cab. They sleep it off and then leave after breakfast, they'd do the same for me. If you are up first, everything needed for breakfast is available in the kitchen just help yourself."

Merlin leant over, kissed Arthur and said quietly, "Goodnight, Arthur! See you in the morning…"

-0-0-

Nevertheless, a couple of hours later, Arthur woke to someone tapping gently on his door, by habit he had left it open. He was a light sleeper and he preferred to hear any sounds in the place than sleep with his bedroom door closed. He sat up and said, "Something wrong?"

"No, "I couldn't sleep and I was wondering if you were still awake too?"

'I am now,' thought Arthur but he said, "All I've been doing is dozing on and off. Come in…"

Arthur's heart leapt as he could make out Merlin tousled haired and blanket-wrapped walking towards him. Arthur automatically patted the side of his bed as you would a sofa and Merlin as if in a dream walked around the bed and sat on the side of it.

"Do you want to talk Arthur? If you don't, just say so and I'll go back to the other room."

"Well, neither of us have anything pressing for tomorrow, so why don't we talk until we both fall asleep. Get your pillows and it will be like we are camping."

It was the right thing to say as Merlin wandered off and returned still wrapped in the blanket with two pillows.

Arthur was going to say that he already had a blanket on the bed and that he could have just crawled into bed with him but he didn't. At this stage, he was willing for Merlin to lay down all the rules.

Merlin made himself a cosy nest and then turned to Arthur and took his hand. "Don't lose patience with me, Arthur, I know I'm being difficult but I can't really help it. Do you know how long I stood in the hall before tapping on your door? It felt like hours…we'll be all right won't we?"

"Yes, Merlin, even now we're all right!"

The subject changed as Merlin said, "I liked your friend Tess. Once she decides to let herself fall in love with Gawaine, I think she will make him a happy man. Has she had any other boyfriends?"

"No, she spent a lot of time with other army widows, slowly coming back into the fringes of society but always alone. I sometimes accompanied her if she needed a date but she made it evident to everyone that she was not in the market for a boyfriend. Gawaine always treated her with openness and respect. He was friendly but not overly so. There is something about him that draws people in and I could see that she was not averse to talking to him. He was very kind to her and treated her as special.

"However, if you watched him carefully, he was like a dog, dying for you to pat him but unsure of what your reaction would be if he suddenly came up wagging his tail and tried to lick your hand. I hope that they manage to hit it off as he is a good man and that is exactly what she and her kids deserve."

"Arthur, I loved her kids, Alfred who tries to be the man of the family until the little boy he is slips through. Libby is the sweetest little thing, Arthur, she adores you."

"Well, she was a toddler when her father was killed and she just sort of gravitated towards me. Gawaine gets on well with both of them but…" he laughed, "I fear that he might turn Alfred into a Liverpool fan. I caught him giving Gawaine the thumbs up after their second goal."

Merlin laughed and snuggled closer to Arthur. They lay there in silence, both at ease with the proximity in which they had placed themselves.

Merlin lay facing him, holding onto his hand which he had clasped to his bare chest. Arthur looked at him, he was so peaceful, he refrained from gently tracing the features of his face which he would have loved to have done.

As his breaths became more regular and deeper, Arthur realised he'd fallen asleep, he smiled over at him. He had Merlin in his bed and he felt so protective of him that it almost hurt. Merlin would never receive from him the treatment he had been doled out by Neil. Had that bastard even realised what he would be doing to Merlin's future life?

Arthur had decided that he had probably been an egomaniac, filled with delusions of personal importance and giving no mind to other people's opinions. One of those people who only lived in the moment and he hated the man for that.

Merlin stirred later and Arthur was asleep. He looked at him; he seemed so peaceful that he made Merlin feel safe and surprisingly, intent on protecting him. He raised the hand with the manicured nails and kissed the fingers. They were strong and well looked after. Merlin glanced at his own, they were more delicate but rough and his nails could have used a little care.

He smiled to himself, though he wore gloves in surgery, when he was working in the field and just handling animals he didn't. He looked again at Arthur's hands and imagined them on his body. He closed his eyes and slipped back into the Land of Nod.

-0-0-

Arthur woke first, stretching then realising that there was someone in bed with him. He was annoyed; he hated finding his dates in his bed the following morning, especially ones who practically lay on top of him. He went to pull away and realised whoever it was, was holding his hand.

He turned his head and caught sight of the dark hair, the blanket from the guest room and his heart rejoiced.

He never wanted to wake up alone if Merlin was around. Arthur smiled and turned slightly allowing himself to run the back of his index finger down his cheek and being a little daring, he let his finger ghost his lips.

Merlin murmured something and stretched, Arthur was enchanted as he reminded him of one of the stable cats with movements equally fluid. Slowly, his eyes opened and Arthur could see the look of surprise as he took in the morning sun, the strange room. His head turned and he saw Arthur and a smile of relief crossed his face.

"Good Morning, Handsome!" he said as he grinned at him. "I was a little surprised to see flat walls, no sloping ceilings from home and that the window had moved."

Arthur smiled and kissed his cheek saying, "Did you sleep well?"

"Beautifully, your bed is extremely comfortable!"

"Glad you like it..." Arthur said with a chuckle.

"What time is it?"

Arthur lifted his head to look at the clock radio on his bedside table. He laughed saying, "Just gone ten-thirty but we weren't asleep much before five so that is quite understandable."

Merlin turned his head saying, "Arthur, I can see the White Tower from your bed."

"Comforting isn't it, one of the nicest sights in London to wake up to!" He smiled to himself as he thought, '... but no nicer than dark haired company.' "Are you hungry or do you want to lie here and doze for a while?"

"Breakfast!" said Merlin and with a grin on his face added, "Maybe the next time we camp, we can doze for a while after we have woken up together."

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, stood, grabbing the blanket and his pillows. He walked across the room pausing at the door as he heard Arthur's intake of breath.

He turned and smiled softly, he knew that he was only wearing his underwear and he said, "Like what you see?" and disappeared into the hallway.

Arthur's heart was doing somersaults was that an invitation to follow Merlin into his room. His body told him yes, but his mind cautioned against any interaction that was not instigated directly by Merlin. What if he hadn't meant anything more that what he had said, which might have been a rhetorical question? He lay there; they had all the future together and waiting for Merlin had become one of the most looked forward to moments in his life.

He swung his feet out of bed and made his way to his bathroom. A shower was what he needed.

Merlin had set the table and put out a disc for Arthur's coffee. He had a glass of orange juice in his hand and was contemplating the contents of the fridge, when Arthur finally arrived in the kitchen.

"Methinks, brunch is called for…" he said with a grin. "Then we'll be fortified to face any attacks or assaults of the upcoming day!"

Laughing at him, Arthur said, "The whole works?"

"Yes, please, except hold the bacon as I prefer not to eat my clients."


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15 : HAND IN HAND**

Arthur was impressed with Merlin's handling of his cast. He was maybe walking slower but he never asked for a hand and when Arthur became over solicitous, he'd raise his eyebrows in mock annoyance.

Wherever they went, Arthur hailed cabs, much to Merlin's disapproval, "Arthur, I can walk, you know and you're paying for all the cabs. Let me pay my share…"

'Merlin, I was to blame for your accident. "

"No, I was the one who panicked and asked to be driven home and then realised how I really felt and tried to get back to you."

"Want to run away now?"

"No, Arthur…" he turned and smiled, "not now…not ever!"

"Then, shut up and get into the cab!" Arthur said with a grin.

-0-0-

As they had nothing pressing to do, they decided to wander around Covent Garden and visited St. Paul's Church known as The Actors' Church as it had long been associated with the theatre community. The weather didn't cooperate or they would probably have sat in its churchyard. Merlin struck up a conversation with one churchgoer and he mentioned Corpus Christe on Maiden Lane. Arthur nodded and they went off to find the church.

A Mass was just beginning so Arthur suggested that they stay for it. "It's Sunday, Merlin!" he said.

Merlin looked at him slightly shocked and said, "For some reason, I thought it was Saturday."

"Guess that doesn't bode well for your interest in football. As you cannot remember the day, I guess the match also was forgotten…"

Merlin looked at him figuring that he was annoyed but he wasn't and the grin on his face showed that. Merlin slipped closer to him and put his arm around his waist. "Arthur, I really enjoyed the match just that now that I'm on holidays, all the days blend into one long day."

"If this is how you are when you are on summer holidays, what will happen to you when you retire?"

Merlin shrugged and said, "Life will be one long vagueness as to time, I guess!"

Following Mass, Merlin took pictures of the Church, also known as 'the actors' church' as it is the home of the Catholic Association of Performing Arts. He found too that he had been in the right place at the right time as it was the special Mass for Tourists held only once a month in the summer.

They walked back to Covent Garden and Arthur was playing on his phone. He suddenly said, "Merlin, are you up to going to the theatre?"

Merlin's eyes lit up, "You have tickets?"

"No, but there is a play I'd like you to see and the theatre's only about three blocks away. It's a comedy and I took Gawaine and Tess and her mother to see it and they all enjoyed it. Maybe we can get tickets."

"Is that the one Gawaine told me about? Something about a play that is in shambles?"

Arthur nodded.

"I'd love to see it."

"All right," Arthur leant against the wall near the Apple Store and connected with the theatre.

He asked about tickets and then looked at Merlin who heard him say, "That's all that's available for today? One moment please…" He turned to Merlin saying, "The matinee is sold out but we can go tonight if you like." Arthur really didn't have to wait for a verbal answer as Merlin was nodding and grinning at the same time. "Name is Pendragon. Yes, pick up at Booking Office before the performance, right! Row D 22-23."

Arthur disconnected and grinned at Merlin as he put away his phone, "As easy as that! One of them is an aisle seat so you can stick your leg out if it starts to trouble you."

"Arthur, I can't believe it. I came to town for an Arsenal-Liverpool game and a visit and now we have theatre tickets. You must let me pay for them."

"No way, you're my guest. You can pay when we are in Millsill…"

Merlin laughed as apart from two pubs, a take-away, a grocery store, a butcher's shop and a petrol station, there was nothing much there. "It's a deal, we'll have drinks at the pub, buy something at the grocers, fill up at the petrol station and order a take-away. Let me at least pay for supper tonight?"

Arthur said with a grin, "Maybe! Talking about food, we can eat before or after the theatre. Are you hungry now, it's gone three o'clock."

"I wouldn't mind a drink. Last time I was here, I had a crêpe with oranges and cheese, as I remember it, it was very good and my mother had apple and ice-cream. It was in one of the cafes downstairs in the market."

They asked a couple and the lady said, "Yes, that's Crème de la Crêpe, over there in the corner, you have to go down the stairs."

They had a coffee each and were going to share an apple with ice cream crepe when Merlin saw a Banoffee crepe and decided that might be interesting. Arthur then saw Gone Fishin' and decided he wanted the smoked salmon. Eventually they ordered one of each and shared them, Merlin taking pictures to send to his mother.

They sat talking, it was not crowded and when the server came and removed their dishes, they hung onto their coffee mugs.

Arthur felt that this had been a perfect choice for a day with intermittent rain. He didn't think it was great for taking pictures but he knew that Merlin had done his fair share of snapping away. He was happy just sitting next to him. His mind flashed back to last night and how he had thought upon waking that he had a girl in his bed. He shook his head and smiled.

"Care to share your joke?" Merlin said and Arthur blushed and shook his head. "Oh, it was one of those private moments, eh?"

That set Arthur off and he started to laugh, "I don't know if you'd think it was funny but here goes. When I first woke up this morning I was annoyed." Merlin's brow furrowed and he became worried. "I though that one of the girls I had spent the night with had stayed over. I hated that, I liked to see them leave once we…well, you get the picture. I had tried to move away but someone was holding my hand and when I looked, I remembered…. It was the loveliest feeling, seeing you and knowing that you had stayed until morning."

Merlin laughed and added, "…and I was even offered breakfast!" He became more serious and said, "When I was with Neil to begin with, there would be times when I had wanted to yell, 'Go away, I want to be here by myself', I think I was used to being alone and it felt strange to have someone there the whole time." He paused and then said, "I guess, I must have got used to it but the nicest thing was when he had to work and I had a day off…I had the place to myself, just Daisy and me, we were as happy as the proverbial pigs."

Arthur laughed, he knew exactly what Merlin meant. He was the only person whom he was quite happy to have in his flat, it was as if he belonged there. Even with Gawaine and the others, he was glad when the time came for them to leave so he could be alone.

"It's different with you," Merlin added, "It feels right that you are there even at Gaius's. I'm always sad when you leave and I return to an empty house. I think I spend the whole week thinking about you. It's as if you are in my mind with me wherever I go. It's a continual one sided conversation, "Arthur would like this...Arthur, we could do this when you come to Cambridge. It was funny it felt so natural and comfortable I never even considered that it was a strange way to feel." He paused, "I still feel it everyday that I'm not with you."

Arthur gently turned Merlin's chin and gave him a fleeting kiss saying, "I know, Merlin, I feel the same way. Do you think it means anything?"

"Yes, I think it means that we are meant to be together as apart we pretend that each other is there and…"

The place was filling up again and they were interrupted by a chap carrying a tray and followed by two kids who came over to the table and asked if they had finished. Merlin grinned at him and then at Arthur before saying, "No mate, only beginning…!"

Arthur laughed and moved his stool over and pulled Merlin to his feet and said to the man, "We've finished our meal if that is what you mean. Table's all yours!"

Arthur put his arm around the laughing Merlin and led him out the door. Merlin said, "To be continued?"

"I certainly, hope so. Do realise all the years we've wasted as teenagers, when we didn't know each other? What is it about eleven plus years? "

"Steady on, Arthur, if we had been doing what I think you mean, you could have ended up in prison as ten years ago, I was a minor around thirteen, still wet behind the ears…" he looked at him disapprovingly but with a gleam in his eye, "Certainly not ready for anything you might have been be suggesting, Kind Sir!"

"But not now eh, Merlin?"

"No! Now I'm an adult capable of making some pretty serious mistakes but I have the feeling that this is not one of them."

He stood there with Arthur's arm around his waist, leaning against him as they watched a magician entertaining children in the square.

-0-0-

Arthur thoroughly enjoyed watching Merlin as The Play That Goes Wrong enfolded on the stage. Just like Gawaine had been, he was mesmerized by the actors. Arthur had forgotten a few of the twists and turns, so to a great extent he felt he got his money's worth seeing it a second time. He knew that he would always have happy memories of their evening at The Duchess Theatre.

"I haven't laughed that hard for a long time. It was predictable yet when it happened it was hilarious. Thank you, Arthur I thoroughly enjoyed myself," Merlin said as they took a cab back to Arthur's. They had decided not to eat out but to get a takeaway and eat on the balcony as the weather had improved and the skies were clear and it was now warm. All the people who had been indoors were now out and the streets were crowded.

The Wagamama's near the Tower delivered so while Merlin sat in the cab, Arthur nipped in to order a selection which he thought would suit both of them. He was back in no time and their next stop was his flat.

"You were pretty quick ordering...go there often?"

Arthur laughed, "Well, I'd have to say that I am not a stranger and usually get prompt service when I walk in."

"…and I bet the size of the tips has nothing to do with it?"

Arthur had the decency to blush.

-0-0-

Arthur's balcony had a set of all weather furniture, table, chairs, and a long sofa down one wall. It was very private and would have been lovely for intimate dinner parties, or as Merlin realised he was thinking, anything intimate.

Arthur arrived with some bowls and plates. "Japanese food, so bowls will be useful. I didn't order anything to drink, what do you feel like?"

"A cuddle…" Merlin said which had surprised him. "Will we hear the doorbell out here?"

"Actually, it will be a phone call from the concierge to say that the food had been delivered. I can either go down to pick it up and tell them to send someone on staff to bring it up. I told them to send it up as I came in."

"Arthur, you are completely spoiled. Your lifestyle is way above mine, I would have to wait around downstairs as Mrs. Byrne doesn't like delivery people coming upstairs. She's afraid they would be up to no good."

Arthur laughed, "That, Merlin, is why I pay the big bucks to make sure that no one except those whom I want can access my flat. He smiled as he said, "And, you I want!"

But Merlin was faster and soon had Arthur pinned against the door frame. Their kisses deepened and would have continued but the phone rang…

Merlin said, "Shit!"

"We have all evening, just let me get the door."

"No, Arthur, honestly…shit! I forgot to phone Adam."

"Hang onto that thought," Arthur said, as he walked through into the hall. Merlin heard him talking and then the door shut.

He followed Arthur into the kitchen, "I feel awful. He'll be wondering where I am."

Arthur turned and put his arms around him. He wondered if this was a remnant of worrying that if anything bad happened, no one would find him. He didn't dismiss it out of hand but suggested, "Why don't you, text him that you're having supper with me after a busy day out?"

"Hadn't I better phone?"

"What if Tim and him are busy?" Arthur said with a suggestive look.

"He wouldn't answer…"

"Then a text would be much better." He could see that Merlin had accepted that solution and seemed to relax.

Merlin sent the text and then smiled, "Should we pick up where we left off when we were rudely interrupted or should we eat first, your choice?"

"Let's eat, otherwise it will just be a congealed mess. What do you want to drink?"

"Sparkling water, if you have any…"

"In that cupboard and pass me one as well. Let's eat at the kitchen island, directly out of the cartons and save on the washing up."

Arthur had done a good job selecting the food as Merlin found many things which were to his liking. They put the leftovers in the fridge and returned to the balcony to sit on the sofa surrounded by the large pillows.

Merlin had his arm around Arthur's waist and his hand on his thigh, while Arthur had stretched his arms along the back of the sofa and had his left one draped over Merlin's shoulders.

Arthur said looking into the distance, "It's strange but it's a lovely relaxed feeling as I feel that I have nothing to prove. If we wanted we could just sit here like this all night. I will one day let you sweep me off my feet with no worries that you are judging either me or my techniques."

"Oh great," said Merlin, "all the onus will now be on me to take you to the heavens and bring you back safely…"

Arthur laughed, "There is no onus on anyone. Do you ever think I'll get the hang of being gay?"

"What, you doubt my ability? I promise you, we will only do what you feel comfortable with. Think about it as an expedition into the unknown with me as your guide," he laughed, "in an air-cast, so it'll be baby steps to begin with.' He turned and kissed Arthur teasing him, until he had his head grabbed and was kissed properly. They sat beside each other smiling.

"Do the ear thing again, Merlin, it is so sensual and strange as I'd never experienced it before."

Merlin did as requested and the culminating puff of air in Arthur's ear elicited a moan as did the gentle nips and sucking of the lobe. Merlin had to interrupt to observe that Arthur had the most delicious ears worthy of at least four Michelin Stars.

The wind chime on another balcony announced that the wind had come up. Noticing that Merlin had shivered Arthur said, "Come on, let's go inside, as I believe that sofa in the living room is even more comfortable."

Arthur waked across the room and turned on one lamp, he came back and sat on the sofa toeing off his shoes. Merlin said, "Gotta pee, I'll be back.'

Wondering if he had maybe fallen asleep, Arthur decided to finally go and check on him. He wasn't in his room but his clothes were thrown in a heap on the floor. Arthur checked the bathroom but it was empty. He wandered into his own room and lying back in his bed like a king with his hands clasped behind his head was Merlin. Gone was any shyness, he was grinning from ear to ear.

"I thought I had maybe better make a move or otherwise, we'd not even get beyond the kissing!"

Arthur walked over to him and leant over placing his hands on his shoulders to kiss him and at the same time letting his hands slowly slide down his chest to his waist. "Don't do anything without me," he said cheekily and went to get changed. His heart was literally thumping in his chest.

Merlin said, "Arthur?" He stopped and turned to him, as he continued, "Don't run away and hide. Get undressed here."

Arthur looked at him and for a flash he thought of all the awful things which had happened to Merlin and he put all his shyness on one side and slowly and deliberately stripped down to his briefs, keeping eye contact with Merlin the whole time. He stood there smiling, as Merlin patted the bed, Arthur climbed in beside him, lying on the side he usually did.

For the first couple of moments neither of them moved and then Arthur felt Merlin's foot on his calf and he smiled, he turned to face him and Merlin explained, "I'm a little hampered by my cast but what I want to do tonight, will not put you in any danger of being knocked out by Long John Silver!

"…or Captain Ahab or Silas Wegg!" Arthur added laughing.

"Whose Silas Wegg?"

"Character with a wooden leg in one of Dickens stories, he seemed to fall into the same category as did Alastor Moody."

"Arthur, in comparison to these well know fictional characters, I feel quite inadequate as I only have a stupid cast, which will one day be gone and then…"

"Thank goodness…" Arthur whispered as he slid closer to him.

Merlin ran his fingers up Arthur's side, eventually moving his body to repeat the action and all Arthur's senses were on fire, as he felt skin on skin.

Merlin put his arm across his chest and slid his body closer. He sighed; he'd waited so long and he put his arms around the man he knew he would love forever and pulled him into an embrace.

"Trust me!' Merlin had said and then had been kind and not expected too much. His hands had been gentle yet experienced and soon Arthur was arching into them. Merlin's murmuring to him seemed to intensify the feeling and when he heard him say, "It's all right, I'm here with you…" he let his body carry him away as on a wave.

He came to with Merlin snuggled against him. He sighed and he could feel Merlin laugh against his chest. He lifted his head and said, "Let's pretend, Arthur, we're camping and it's a cold foggy night and no one is around. We've found a cave and the horses are safely tied up. You are the king and I am your willing bed servant. I'm old-fashioned and I say, 'Sire, do unto me what you will.' Would you?"

Arthur looked up at Merlin and smiled, "It would be my honour!"

Merlin laughed, "I've created a monster!" He added with a soft smile, "Do what I did to you, nothing more…I want to save somethings for the future."

Arthur was very gentle with him, in the back of his mind was Merlin's previous experiences. He was there to prove to Merlin that he loved him, that he could trust him to never force him to do anything he didn't want to, never to be cruel or violent. He smiled to himself, he felt like a king as he had his love in his bed. He kept telling him how beautiful he was…handsome just didn't seem sufficient. Merlin was beautiful.

Merlin's reaction when he finally came back to earth had shocked Arthur. He had started to sob. Arthur held him telling him that he was all right and he would never do it again if he was so upset.

Through his tears Merlin managed to say, "Arthur, I felt loved…special and safe. It was what I thought it might have been to have someone else's hands on me...someone who truly loved me and had no ulterior motives."

Arthur smiled, he felt emotional as well and he felt Merlin wipe away a tear which was making its way down his cheek.

They lay there, listening to the city noises from the balcony door which they had left ajar. Suddenly Merlin sat up and announced, "I'm hungry. Let's have some tea and toast. I don't think, I will be going back to Adam's tonight…unless you want rid of me."

"Never!" said Arthur as he followed him into the kitchen…


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16 : MAN ABOUT TOWN**

Arthur disentangled himself from Merlin and carefully slipped out of bed. He had woken around seven and the reality that it was Monday had hit him like a cruel blow from a cricket ball.

He glanced back at Merlin and the desire to slip back into bed almost won over but he hadn't got to where he was in the world by allowing his needs to rule his life. He left the room, planning to shower and get ready in the guest ensuite, making sure that Merlin slept until the last minute.

They had stayed awake after their impromptu snacks, discussing everything from barn owls to the Himalayas. It had seemed so mundane yet wonderfully entertaining. They had then slept never more than inches away from each other. He was woken up once by a sobbing Merlin. Arthur realised he was asleep and held him until the sobs subsided. He didn't try to find out what demons were terrorising his friend, he didn't want to know. When the time was right, Merlin might tell him if not, it was none of his business.

It was his choice, to be with Merlin. It would be Merlin's choice to share his nightmares when and if he ever wanted. Arthur knew that what he had been through was horrendous and he worried that the more involved he became the more difficult it would be for him to hear of Merlin's abuse both physical and mental.

Arthur was not a violent man; he'd never been a cruel child. He'd never bullied anyone while in school, tried hard not to tell lies and owned up to something if he were in the wrong. He was fascinated by all wildlife and he hurt when an animal was injured. He'd learned over the years not to wear his heart on his sleeve but given the opportunity he would marvel at a dragonfly.

He smiled as he got out of the shower and dried himself. He was committed to a man who had similar tastes, united they would face the future and try to make the world a better place.

-0-0-

When he was ready to have breakfast, he went into his room and woke up Merlin whose first word was, "Mmmm…"

Arthur said, "Sorry to disturb you but it is Monday and duty calls. I have to go to work."

Merlin sleepily opened his eyes and seeing that Arthur was dressed said, "You should have woken me."

"You had a disturbed night and I felt that sleep was in order." Sitting on the edge of the bed, Arthur continued. "Do you have anywhere in particular that you have to be today?"

Merlin thought then shook his head, "Not really, I just have to pick up my bag at Adam's and get back to Millsill."

"Well, how about staying over until Tuesday?"

Merlin gave him a smirk, "So that you can benefit from my prowess in bed?"

"No, just so that I can have you next to me for another twenty-four hours. I hate leaving you to go to work but I have no choice as we have a Board Meeting today. How about you have a leisurely day in London and then when I come home we can go out for supper?"

"Arthur, your flat is like fortress, how am I supposed to leave and get back in again?"

"No trouble! I give you a keycard for the lift; however if you would feel better I can notify them downstairs that I have a friend staying and they will see that you are escorted up here."

Merlin wrinkled his nose at that suggestion, "I'd think I was in jail being escorted everywhere."

"Or visiting royalty…" Arthur quipped. "I think it is better for you to have a card to come and go at will. I will have to leave your name downstairs in case they think that you are a burglar who has managed to charm the daylights out of me including my keycard."

"I'll be putting you to so much trouble."

"No, you won't and I'll be able to get through the meetings, knowing that you are still in London. I'm not going to force you and it's your choice."

Merlin took a minute to think it over. "All right, I will stay here until tomorrow but then I must leave. I can't just become your lodger."

"There'd be no complaints from this end if you would!" Arthur said with a grin as he left the room, "Do you want coffee?"

Merlin got up and had a shower, he wrapped a towel around himself and went to the clothes dryer and pulled out the things he'd washed while they were having their very late night snack. He pulled on a pair of briefs and walked towards the kitchen.

He remembered that Arthur had offered to lend him something to sleep in but he'd refused saying, "No sooner on than off…" causing Arthur to blush.

"But what would happen if there were a fire?"

"I'll grab one of the bathrobes better than underpants anyway. If I have to stand around outside, at least I'll be warm!" He smiled to himself. One day he'd tell Arthur about Mr. McCracken's surprise fire drill in the early hours of the morning at school.

Walking into the kitchen he said, "Sorry, my trousers and shirt still need a few more minutes. I can get the bathrobe if you would prefer."

Arthur looked at him appraisingly and smiled, "No, you look perfectly all right as long as it is only me around."

Grinning Merlin said, "So you like what you see?"

"As far as I am concerned, you look perfect in everything you wear…"

"And the less the better, eh?"

Arthur coffee cup in hand, walked around the counter and kissed him, "How come you know me so well and we have only recently met?"

"Maybe because you are a man after my own heart…literally!" he said as he took the coffee. "This morning I will have to go by Adam's to pick up my things."

"Maybe you should leave a few things here as it makes sense."

Merlin said sounding shocked, "Arthur, are you inviting my belongings to move in with you?"

Grinning Arthur said, "Well yes, I guess I am! One day I hope to be able to ask the owner of said belongings to move in as well."

Merlin didn't answer and Arthur realised that maybe it had been a little too soon to make reference to that knowing Merlin's history.

After what seemed like an hour but was in reality only two or three minutes, Merlin looking suddenly serious and older than his years said, "That would be a big step for me right now, I took it once before with disastrous results. Can we just keep the stay overs occasional for the moment? I'm sorry but I'm not ready to commit to anything like that just yet."

He turned to Arthur and ran his fingers down the side of his face leaving one finger over his lips so he couldn't interrupt and had to listen to him. His eyes were tear-filled as he said, "My heart and body are saying, 'Don't be silly, accept the offer you know you want to!' and my mind is sending me flashes of how awful it was…" He paused and looking sheepishly said, "Nevertheless, I would love to leave a few things here and even to stay over when you ask…"

He smiled and leant in to give Arthur a kiss, "Arthur, there are going to be little hiccups in our relationship until my mind has put to rest all what happened previously. If you can accept me and all my baggage that would be wonderful…but if not, I understand, you deserve someone without any holdups willing to make you the happiest man on earth…"

"You do…Merlin!" Arthur said then claimed Merlin's lips and wrapped his arms around his body as if he would never let him go.

They stood like that until Merlin pulled away saying, "If you don't leave now, you'll be late.'

Arthur looked at his watch and nodded. He handed Merlin the keycard reminding him of the code and said, "I'll fix it up downstairs and if you have any trouble just tell the concierge to phone me at work."

Merlin walked with him to the lift door and gave him a peck on the lips saying, "Don't do anything that I wouldn't do." He turned and felt Arthur's hand on his bottom; he grinned turning back to smile at him as the door to the lift closed.

-0-0-

He hoped that he hadn't chased Arthur away with his indecision. He went back into the flat laughing, not many places were you could go into the hallway to see someone off in your underwear. He looked out, it was overcast but still the river was busy. He could make out tour buses and a few people wandering around on Tower Hill.

Suddenly, he felt lonely, he was already missing Arthur. He checked the dryer and his clothes were ready to wear. He walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed to put on his socks. He was on Arthur's side and he grabbed his pillow and breathed in deeply getting a hint of the shampoo and aftershave he wore.

He grabbed his pants and pulled them on then put on his shirt. He'd be glad to change into something different once he got his bag from Adam's.

He listened to the news on the TV. He knew that Gaius would be in the clinic, so he phoned to let him know that he was staying over another night but to expect him back Tuesday.

"You're having a nice time then. Have you seen much of Adam?"

Merlin smiled to himself confessing that he'd spent Friday there, but had spent the rest of the time with Arthur. "We saw the game and went for dinner at Arthur's friend Tess's. Found out that you also know her as her daughter is Libby who owns the pony Mister which is stabled at Throgmorton and you fixed her rabbit Squibbs' leg."

"Of course I know her. She and Arthur have been friends for ages, nice lady and the kids are well behaved and amusing. Such a tragedy when she lost her husband…"

"Well, Libby is a fan of yours as she confided to me that you are a very good vet!" Merlin heard Gaius laugh so he continued, "It was so late that Arthur offered to put me up in one of his guest rooms. I accepted." Merlin omitted the fact that he hadn't stayed there that long. "Yesterday, we went to the theatre and I stayed here again. Arthur's gone off to work but we're having dinner together."

"I hope you told Adam where you were? Not right that he should worry about you."

"Yes, I sent him a text and will see him later if he's there when I get my bag."

"Be careful, Merlin..."

"Gaius, I'm not the innocent young man I was. I've experienced more in my short life than many men will in a lifetime. I have to learn to trust my feelings, otherwise, I'll die a bitter withered soul devoid of feelings."

He waited but Gaius said nothing so he said, "Gaius, please understand, that I want to live a normal life. I've found someone I like who likes me. I think we might have something special. You know, he's kind and supportive but only time will tell. Be happy for me, I am more content and feel more positive than I have been for years."

He heard Gaius sigh before saying, "Just promise me, that if you have the slightest feeling that everything is not right that you will, let me know. I'm an old man but fiercely protective of my great-nephew whom I love very much."

Merlin felt his throat closing up and he managed to say hoarsely, "I know...you've always been there for me..."

Gaius said, "Now, go one doing what you have planned and hopefully, I'll see you sometime on Tuesday. Give Arthur my regards and tell him he'd better treat you well or he'll have me to deal with and I am…even if I say so myself, a dab hand with surgical instruments and have many years experience in agricultural procedures."

Merlin burst out laughing, "Gaius, you wouldn't?"

"I would and I'm just sorry that I didn't have the chance to deal with Neil that way. Now, enjoy yourself."

"Goodbye, Gaius, and I'll keep what you said in mind, even though it scares the balls off me!"

He heard Gaius laugh and he hung up.

-0-0-

Merlin had his plan for the day. It included a tour of the City Hall and a little shopping so he could leave a few things at Arthur's, just socks, underwear, pj's and some tops, maybe a pair of pants. They would be city casual as opposed to academic distressed.

The more he thought about it, the more fun he decided it might be. 'No green!' he thought, reminded himself of Arthur's story. He knew he couldn't compete in style with Arthur but he deserved some new clothes.

Slipping the keycard into the interior pocket in his jacket, he patted it, he couldn't afford to lose it and have to wait for Arthur in the lobby under the watchful eye of the security. He had his phone and his bank card and his camera, he smiled thinking, 'Never go anywhere without it!'

As he passed, he nodded at the concierge who said quietly, "A cab, Dr. Emrys?"

Merlin said, "No, thank you! I'm just going to the Town Hall to look around."

The concierge smiled, "I'm sure you will enjoy it, Sir." He then turned to a woman who had come up to the counter and Merlin managed to escape.

He wondered how he had known his name but realised Arthur would have notified the man that he had given him a keycard. He also probably had a security camera at his desk so he would have seen which floor the lift had stopped when he had called it. He stepped out into an intermittently cloudy London and walked back along the Thames to his first stop the new City Hall.

He was impressed; he liked the ramps along the interior glass curve of the building as an option to lifts. As a sphere, it had no front or back and he learned that ground water from bore holes, threaded through the building cooling it, before becoming part of the sanitation process. Vents below all the windows could be opened to allow fresh air in. Heat generated by computers and lights was recycled. He was able to find Arthur's condo and Adam and Tim's house on the fixed satellite photo of London in the exhibition area.

Regent Street was next and he left the area with shirts and a pair of slacks and jeans. He'd had a good laugh in Brooke's Bothers as it had suddenly struck him that his underwear although clean was well worn and maybe not very exciting. He allowed one of the sales staff to show him something more fashionable and he splurged buying three pairs. He blushed as he wondered if Arthur would approve of his new fashion sense.

It was close to two o'clock when he decided to make his way over to Adam's. Victoria was pleased to see him and as no one was home he took her for a short walk around the block. He then made himself a cup of tea and Victoria was all for snuggling next to him on the sofa in the kitchen but he explained to her that he had to repack his overnight bag and then get on his way. He changed into the new dark jeans and a clean shirt, bundling what he was wearing into his overnight bag.

He left the house carrying one overnight bag, a camera case and one shopping bag. Getting on the tube at Russell Square station in no time he was at Tower Hill. He took his time walking across Tower Bridge and glanced up to see if he could see any visitors on the glass walkway but he couldn't.

As he made his way through the lobby doors, the concierge looked up and nodded at him saying, "Dr. Emrys…" and walked forward to open the lift door. "You have the keycard?"

Merlin said, "Right here!" and showed it to him.

The man nodded, "Slip it in and enter the code to start the lift and remove it once the lift has stopped at Mr. Pendragon's entry hall." He then made his way back to his desk as his phone rang.

The lift was quick and quiet. There was no stopping and it went directly to Arthur's floor. He hoped that he could get the door to open without having to backtrack to the lobby and ask for help. It worked on the first try and he removed the card as he recognised Arthur's hallway with the antique bench and the horse painting. He walked forward and opened the door into Arthur's condo.

-0-0-

He heard Arthur before he saw him. He was putting his new purchases away in the guest room when he heard a voice say, "Honey, I'm home!"

Excitement coursed through his veins and he grinned. Trust Arthur to come up with that often used phrase but he had to acknowledge that it made him feel special. He closed the drawers and walked into the hall.

Arthur was putting his coat away and turning to see Merlin in front of him said, "I missed you."

Merlin slipped his arms around Arthur's shoulders and received a welcoming kiss. "Did you have a busy day?" he asked.

"Not anymore than usual for the first day of the week! Gawaine asked after you at lunch insisting that we should get together and do all the London pubs one weekend."

Merlin shook his head, "Not that I don't like Gawaine as I do, but I'm not one for drinking. Couldn't we meet up for a movie after one drink? Are you going to invite Tess here for dinner one evening, that could be fun?"

"Actually, she and the family are going to their place in Millsill so maybe they could come to supper at Throgmorton next weekend. I know Libby will expect to be able to show you Mister and The Squibbs. Alfred is going away with the Scouts. So it will just be Libby and her…and Gawaine whom I know will expect to be invited to Throgmorton for the weekend."

"Arthur, that could be fun. We'd still have the evenings to ourselves …" he blushed most adorably and looked nervous, "I'm not trying to organise your weekend but…"

"Merlin, I would be only too happy to put myself into your capable hands, so that you could organise my life…!" He leaned in and gave him a peck before continuing, "That was what I was thinking. Gawaine will be busy with Tess and Libby and we will be all on our own for hours during the day and even…the night?"

Merlin smiled shyly and nodded, "Yes, especially the night."

Arthur's next kiss was less than chaste and Merlin found himself up against the wall, with his hands pinned above his head and Arthur kissing the life out of him. They had to stop for air and then Merlin said, "We have some time before going to the restaurant, don't we?" He put his hand in Arthur's and led him to the sofa in the living room.

Behaving like a real gentleman, Arthur allowed Merlin to make all the decisions. He knew that what Merlin had been through with Neil was still governing his actions and he was willing to wait. When the time was right, he would happily accept whatever Merlin wanted him to do. He was a little apprehensive but then chided himself, he had absolute confidence. He trusted him; he'd have no second thoughts.

-0-0-

Merlin enjoyed supper; Arthur talked about his day and Merlin told him about his shopping adventures, holding back on the underwear purchases. As they left the restaurant, Arthur said, "Did you find your way around, all right?"

"Yes, no problems! Leaving City Hall, I walked to the Millennium Bridge and took the Yellow line to the Brown and went to Regent's Street then on the way back I took the Blue to Yellow!"

Arthur laughed, "We'd say, "District Line to Bakerloo Line and then Piccadilly to Circle but I like your way of putting it as well. At least you arrived back safely, did you see Adam?"

"No, only Victoria, we even went out for a little constitutional together. I'll phone Adam later in the week and apologise for being an invisible house guest."

"He'll think I'm a real nuisance commandeering all your time."

"Not unwilling so," Merlin said as he slipped his arm around Arthur's waist. "Anyway, he has Tim and Victoria for company…and you have me!"


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17: STAND AND DELIVER**

They meandered along in the general direction of Arthur's place, happy to be in each other's company and oblivious to the time as people were still on the streets as the bars and some restaurants were still open. Arthur glanced at his watch saying, "If we don't get home soon it will be time to get up."

Merlin glanced down at his watch. It had already gone twelve thirty. At this rate, Arthur was going to be crawling out of bed in the morning. "How much further is it?"

"Maybe another twenty minutes...how's the leg?"

"It's all right! Let's keep going. It will be memory that we will be able to refer to in years to come as the night we walked home from Le Vigneron." Arthur nodded and they continued on their way. The crowds thinned out and they were walking in more residential area with a scattering of closed shops.

They had crossed diagonally to one of the main roads and Arthur decided to take a shortcut. "There are two of us, it's a bit rough around here but it is a more direct way to Tower Bridge Road."

The words were hardly out of his mouth when a voice yelled, "Oi!"

Merlin turned to see two figures behind them. Arthur said to him under his breath, "Don't do anything foolish!" He then turned to the taller of the men and said, "Yes, mate! How can we help you?

"You can't help us none…what ya doing on our street?"

Merlin said, "I thought this was a public highway!"

"Shut up smart arse! Or my mate here will cream you! We don't go for poofs around here!"

The other lout, much larger and more menacing came up behind Arthur and said in a cultured voice, "Good evening, Gentleman, I believe you have something of ours?"

Merlin opened his mouth but Arthur laid a hand on his arm. Arthur turned saying, "…and what would that be?"

"You have our phones and wallets."

Feeling Merlin stiffen, Arthur said indignantly, "We are not looking for trouble; we're on our way home."

"Well, hand over the stuff and you can go on your way!"

Merlin was not too happy at the way, the chap slipped a hand into the pocket on his jacket and held it there. He had visions of a weapon being introduced into the argument. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, it was locked it would cost them to have it opened. He looked at it sadly, it was his first iPhone and he was attached to the photos which he had taken that evening and which would be lost.

He glanced at Arthur who nodded as the second man said, "Does he always check with you to see if it's all right to do something. You've got him nicely trained! …and your wallet."

"I don't have much money in it."

"Probably, because Rich Boy here carries all the funds! Give it over…"

Merlin winced thinking, 'They're not going to be satisfied with twenty quid. Did Arthur carry a lot of cash around with him? If he did, that might satisfy them.'

Arthur passed over his phone to the chap who towered over him. He'd give them anything as long as they didn't hurt Merlin. Not satisfied with the phone, the man held out his hand wanting more and Arthur handed over his wallet. He hated parting with it as it would mean notifying all the card companies to cancel his cards and he'd have to deal with the DVLA for a replacement license.

However the teenage louts were only after cash and when they found two fifties and three twenties they were satisfied. They rifled through his wallet for more money and grinned when they found a condom. "Poofter!" the bigger lad said chucking Arthur's wallet in the kerb.

Merlin didn't really know what happened next, Arthur had swung around and there was a choking sound and the chap was on the ground holding his neck and gasping for air. The other chap stood by shocked as Arthur grabbing Merlin's hand said, "Let's get out of here!"

Together, they ran down the road in the direction from which they had come. Three streets over, they stopped and leant against a wall.

"Are you all right? How's your leg?"

What did you do to him? Did you kill him?"

"No, but he is not going to be a happy camper for a few days as his throat will be very sore."

"How did you know to do that?"

"I took a course in self defence and it just seemed the right thing to do in the circumstances."

Merlin grinned and reaching for the inner pocket of his jacket, pulled out Arthur's wallet and said, "So was this! Shame to have left it for another unscrupulous person to find."

Arthur started to laugh, shaking his head he said, "This alone will make me indebted to you for the rest of your life!" He put his arms around Merlin and held him close, "Come on, let's get home before anything else happens to us. What had you been saying about the walk home from Le Vigneron as a night we could remember?"

"Yes! The night we were beset by thugs and Arthur's ability to defend himself saved me…"

"…and your quick thinking saved me, or rather Laurence hours of getting replacement cards."

"We were lucky weren't we that they were only kids? I thought one of them might've had a knife."

"Not exactly what I had in mind and hopefully an experience we won't repeat in a long time." They could see traffic in the distance and soon they were walking on Tower Hill Road.

Merlin flinched as Arthur put his arm around him. Arthur didn't notice and opened the door to the condo lobby and walked in. An ever present security man nodded at him as he crossed the lobby to the lift, "Good evening, Mr. Pendragon."

The lift whisked them upstairs. Arthur sighed once he was in the flat, he leant against the door closing his eyes, "I don't want to experience that again." He pushed himself off the door and walked into the living room.

Merlin stood near the island in the kitchen, flexing his leg. He winced again and sat down, Arthur glanced over at him and Merlin said quietly, "Arthur, I think I was hurt...

Arthur knelt before him, "Where?"

"My thigh, it's burning and it feels wet."

"Take off your jeans and let me see."

Merlin loosened his belt and managed to wiggle out of them so they fell to the floor. Arthur could see blood on his right leg. He told Merlin to stay where he was and went to grab a hand towel from his bathroom. Merlin was still where he had left him with his pants around his ankles when he returned. Arthur could see that the source of the blood was higher on his thigh, he rolled up the leg of his underpants to reveal a cut of about an inch. It wasn't that deep but it was still bleeding.

"I'll get a mirror and you can decide if it is a trip to A&E or if Dr. Emrys can deal with it himself." Arthur returned with a mirror and Merlin managed to see the wound himself. "It's a good thing it bled, isn't it, as it'll help carry away any infection, right?"

"Yes, it seems minor and nothing important was involved. Now if it had been more to the front and the knife had hit the femoral artery, I mightn't have been here, admiring the view." He looked at Arthur who seemed puzzled by his words.

He asked quietly, "What would have happened?"

"I would probably have bled out and it would have been curtains for me!"

Arthur couldn't believe that Merlin was so calm and being flippant but decided that in his work he must have seen much worse injuries. "What do you need?"

"Hot water, soap not perfumed, and antibacterial ointment."

He went to move but Arthur said, "Stay here, I'll get everything. I was a scout you know, we learned all sorts of things, like lots of boiling water and towels if someone is going to have a baby.

That made Merlin laugh, "I'm not bloody pregnant, I have a minor puncture wound…" he could hear Arthur laughing in the kitchen. "Arthur, I don't want to mess up your sofa, I'm going to the bathroom. I can sit on the edge of the bath and we won't make such a mess." He stepped out of his jeans.

Arthur followed him with a bowl of water. Merlin washed his hands thoroughly before washing the wound with antibacterial soap which Arthur had found in his First Aid Kit. This started it bleeding again but that didn't worry him. He said, "Sorry, Arthur, there are going to be a lot of towels to wash."

Arthur offered to help and after he had washed his hands, Merlin asked him to continue pouring clean water on the wound to help irrigate it. He then patted it dry and the bleeding lessened.

Arthur had also found some antibacterial ointment and with Merlin's blessing carefully applied it to the area. He followed this up with a square adhesive bandage making sure that it was large enough that none of the adhesive went anywhere near the wound. He sat back on his knees and looked up suddenly as Merlin said, "My new jeans! Arthur, I only bought them this afternoon. Now they're ruined…"

"Merlin, I'll buy new jeans for you. Don't worry as they might be able to be repaired, then only you and I will know about the hole."

Merlin relaxed and Arthur tried to lead him into the bedroom. "I think you'd be better lying out flat."

Shaking his head he said, "Arthur, I might bleed on your sheets. I'll stay here."

"No way! I'm not leaving you in the bathroom overnight. I'll put a bath sheet on the bed and you will be fine. As Peggy says, 'What's so hard about laundry when you have plenty of soap and hot water?' We have soap, hot water and a washer and drier. I'll throw all of this stuff in the washer right now."

Arthur was like a mother hen; he waited for Merlin to pee and then helped him sit on the bed, carefully removing his shirt.

"I think I'll stay in my underpants, the leg part will hold the bandage more securely," Merlin said and Arthur nodded, handing him two paracetamols and a glass of water.

"If you want anything during the night, wake me up. Do you want to sleep on my side of the bed?"

"No, I'll be fine on this side. Can't have it being said that, 'Not only did I occupy your bed but took your side as well!' That would be what Gaius would call an example of a guest from hell."

Arthur searched the top drawer in his chest of drawers and came up with another phone. "It's old but it still works, just needs to be charged," he said, carrying it over to his bedside table. He stripped off and crawled in beside Merlin, he left plenty of space between the two of them and just held his hand.

"Merlin, I'm sorry, the next time that I have a hare-brained idea, remind me of this. I honestly didn't see it happening."

"He must have got me when I bent down to get your wallet. He was probably aiming higher and I stepped into the direction of his thrust. Arthur, it wasn't your fault as I didn't feel it at the time, it was after we finished running. I guess the adrenaline was pumping and I just wanted to get out of there." He stretched his legs, the pain had subsided. "What time is it?"

Arthur glanced at the clock; it was nearly three o'clock. He lied as he said, "One thirty…!"

"Good, you'll still be able to get some sleep before you have to get up to go to work." Arthur smiled to himself, he had already decided not to go in until noon.

-0-0-

Arthur could hear Merlin's steady breathing, he had already fallen asleep; however he couldn't...he kept seeing the blood on Merlin's leg. He blamed himself as he had known that the streets of London like any large city could be dangerous. The two of them were so involved with each that he had let his guard down and had become complacent. It was just an unhappy coincidence that they had come to the attention of two 'asbos', demonstrating their anti-social attitudes.

What he wouldn't have done to the two of them if he had realised that Merlin had been stabbed! He was also thankful that it wasn't Merlin's left leg which had been hurt in the wall incident. He still couldn't believe that they had been robbed, luckily of just their phones and a few pounds. He had slipped his bank card into his inside pocket after he had paid in the restaurant. He must check tomorrow if they had taken Merlin's bank card as he had not mentioned it but they had had more pressing matters at hand.

He dozed but his mind remained active. Glancing at the clock it was almost four and already the sky was lightening. He remembered learning about civil twilight when the sun is still below the horizon but the sky is light. He realised that Merlin had changed his position and he was now lying closer to him with his arm draped over his chest. Not wanting to waken him, he just found his hand and held it.

He felt suddenly possessive of the man beside him. He would protect him, love him and try to do what was best for him through his life. The closest he had ever felt like this was to his first pony. No person had ever elicited these feelings in him.

Suddenly Merlin had pulled away from him and clearly said, "No! Don't!"

At first, Arthur was confused and then he realised that Merlin was dreaming. He smiled sadly as Merlin continued arguing with whomever was in his dream.

"Don't! You can take everything I have, but not him! Please don't take Arthur…" he sobbed.

Arthur could see that Merlin was getting more agitated and had begun to moan and thrash around. He decided that even if it meant waking him, he was going to try to settle him. "Merlin? Merlin, you're here with me. I'm not going to let anyone take me away." That had no result so he slipped his arm around him and held him, "Merlin, you're safe! Wake up, I have you…it's me… Arthur."

Slowly Merlin settled, his breathing became more regular and he fell silent in Arthur's arms. Arthur slid his arm from under him and stroked his cheek, saying softly, "I'm sorry, that our special evening ended like this. You deserve so much better. I'm so proud of how you dealt with the stab wound. I was really scared as I thought I was going to be sick."

Merlin murmured something and Arthur realised he had said, "...that's why I wanted you involved so you didn't throw up all over your furniture or worse over me…"

"You're awake! How is your thigh?"

"At the moment, I don't feel anything," Merlin said turning to the window and looked out seeing the lightening sky. "You forgot to kiss me last night when we went to bed!"

"I was preoccupied with your medical emergency; however I can remedy that now if you like…"

He hoisted himself up on his elbow and leant in to give Merlin a chaste kiss.

"Come on, Arthur, you can do better than that. I'll let you know if my thigh starts hurting!"

Arthur didn't need more encouragement and Merlin didn't complain about any pain in his leg.

-0-0-

They drifted asleep and were wakened by Arthur's phone. Merlin heard him say, "Good Morning, Laurence! No sorry, I forgot to say that I wouldn't be in this morning." He turned to Merlin and smirked, running his free hand over his stomach and grinning. "Is my Father in the office today? Can you check with Giselle? I think I'm due a day off. All right I'll wait..."

While waiting, still holding the phone to his ear he took the advantage of multi-tasking as he gave his attention to Merlin. Laurence must have come back on the phone as Merlin heard him say, "Perfect! Get finished whatever you are working on then take off. See you tomorrow."

He lay back satisfied with his conversation. He intended to drive Merlin home and spent the day with him. He'd decide later whether he'd drive back to London that day or early the following morning.

He grinned at Merlin who had said, "Bunking off?"

Arthur laughed, "I decided that after your incident yesterday, I should deliver you safely back to Gaius." He laughed as Merlin went to swat him. "My father is in Paris overnight so while the cat's away… Breakfast or brunch?"

Merlin sat on the edge of the bed elevating his right leg and gingerly touching his thigh. He nodded at Arthur saying, "So far, so good! It isn't hurting but I'll check it again before we leave." He hobbled off to the bathroom, calling over his shoulder, "Some juice if there is any and then brunch later sounds good."

Putting a few things in his overnight bag, he smiled as he carefully placed a few things in the drawers in the guest room. Arthur came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him. Merlin pushed back into him and felt his breath on the back of his neck..

Arthur kissed the nape of his neck and ruffled his hair. "Glad to see you taking me up on my suggestion. Let me see your jeans."

Merlin had already decided that the little slit would not be noticed. "I'll have Gaius's daily help have a look at them." He held his leg up and Arthur had a hard time seeing the rent.

"It's not really noticeable. How's the leg underneath?"

"Looks fine, no heat, no bleeding but I will need to replace the things I used from your First Aid kit."

"No need to, I'll do it."

"Don't turn down free supplies, you and I will raid Gaius's clinic!" Merlin said with a laugh.

-0-0-

They stopped off for lunch at an old mill that served as a pub. Arthur laughed as Merlin chattered throughout the meal. Two young women sauntered by and Arthur realised they only had eyes for Merlin. It sent a shiver through him and he chuckled knowing that they didn't have a chance.

Soon there were pulling up to Gaius's. Arthur grabbed Merlin's bag and followed him into the house. Tilly went crazy when she heard Merlin's voice and Bouncer came over to check out Arthur and stood lazily wagging his tail at him as the Border jumped all over Merlin.

Arthur could tell that Gaius was relieved to have Merlin back in one piece. He knew that his dealings with Merlin when he first returned after Neil were still fresh in his mind and he was worried that he might again get hurt. Arthur wasn't looking forward to his reaction when they told him about the stabbing and theft.

Merlin mentioned it first as Gaius had mentioned that he had never seen his black jeans before. Tilly was being a nuisance and she kept sniffing at the hole and trying to lick his thigh. "I got them in London, think they fit better than any I've ever had before. Get off, Tilly!" He looked at his uncle and said, "I might as well be up front about it…Arthur and I had a problem with a couple of trouble makers, they stole our phones and cash and one of the scratched my thigh in the process."

Arthur's eyebrow raised at the word scratch but Merlin glared at him daring him to tell Gaius otherwise.

Gaius was old but not stupid, he'd seen Arthur's raised eyebrows so repeated, "Scratched?"

Merlin stood up to show Gaius that he was all right. "They made a slit in my jeans, the first time I even wore them! It was just a little scrape and I took care of it."

Gaius glanced at Arthur as if to say, '…and you promised to keep him safe!'

Merlin continued, "Arthur laid one of them out cold and the other took off."

"And here I was thinking you were safe in London with someone who lives there. You do realise that you could have been stabbed and badly injured. Lucky they didn't get you straight on. Did you at least notify the police?" They both looked guilty and didn't answer.

Merlin finally said, "No, by then it was over and I was scared that if the police were involved the one whom Arthur floored would press charges for assault." He smiled at Arthur and said, "Gaius, you should have seen him. He caught the guy in the neck with the side of his hand and he dropped. You would have been impressed." He turned to Arthur with a smile saying, "Did I ever thank you?"

Arthur blushed slightly and said quietly to him, "Yes, many times over, if I rightly remember…"


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18 : TELL ME ON A SUNDAY PLEASE**

Arthur was invited to supper. They offered to do the washing up; afterwards making their way to the little garden house where Merlin had spent so many hours when he had returned from Cambridge, that first time. Bouncer had stayed with Gaius but Tilly had followed Merlin and was now curled up beside them on the wicker sofa.

"Thank you for having me stay with you in London. I had a really nice time apart from the stabbing!"

Arthur laughed, "Well, it will be something to tell Gawaine about as I'm sure he's never had to defend someone's life like I did!"

"That's a bit of a stretch as I didn't even know I'd been hurt until we got back your place."

"True, but I would have if I had had to…"

Not waiting for him say anything more, Merlin kissed him. Arthur relaxed, there was a feeling of absolute security when Merlin took the lead. The two of them were still respectful of each other and Arthur knew that when Merlin decided he was ready to really commit fully to the relationship that he would go along willingly. He smiled into the kiss as he thought maybe willingly was an understatement. He wanted Merlin so much that sometimes it hurt.

"Something funny about the way I kiss?" Merlin asked laughing.

"No, I was just thinking how much I love you. I love you and your lips, your hands, your whole body. I love your neck, your nose, your earlobes, your chest, your stomach and your hips, your poor thigh and…"

Merlin smiled, snuggling closer to Arthur, he said, "You omitted my feet. I have very attractive feet. I'm surprised you haven't noticed. I could be a foot model if the opportunity arose."

Arthur laughed shaking his head and said something else, which made Merlin grin as he stretched out, knocking poor Tilly on the floor. She gave a grunt of disgust and walked over to the steps and lay there to keep an eye on two of them.

Merlin said, "Sorry, Tilly Old Thing, I guess there wasn't enough room for you after all."

"Do you think she's attack me if I ever hurt you?"

"I wouldn't want to risk it, she is very much a terrier and might even decide to go for your neck and shake you as she does any rats she catches. It's her job you know."

"Well, I'll be careful then just in case. Now, tell me more about your beautiful feet!"

So Merlin took time, showing the proportions of his foot, his well defined arch, the shape of his toes and the beauty therein. "The love of feet is called podphilia," he told Arthur, "with written records from the 1200's."

They heard Gaius calling to Bouncer in the garden and Tilly got up and decided that nothing much was going on and that she'd return to the house as if Gaius were in a generous mood, she might even get a biscuit.

Merlin was oblivious to her departure as he was complete absorbed by what Arthur was now doing to his toes. The children's nursery rhyme had never taken on such significance. His whole body was turned on and loved what Arthur referred to as an 'Arthurian pedicure'.

"Surely that would have been more like tying up and torturing the offending members before beheading them," he grinned, "not pampering them!" No one had ever shown him how sensitive toes could be. He was experiencing something new, it was a novel experience…in no way tied to anything he had already experienced. He embraced it wholeheartedly.

Arthur said, "Considering you know so much about the beauty of feet, I'm surprised you hadn't previously experienced it."

"I'll have you know that my forte is more 'The Form Function and Importance of A Healthy Equine Foot'!"

Arthur laughed and for a second a flash of disturbing memories flitted across Merlin's mind, he suddenly became serious and then his face relaxed and he said softly, "However, I much prefer your knowledge of the human foot as I'm happy having experienced something new with you…"

Arthur understood the unvoiced words and whispered in his ear, "Merlin, as far as I am concerned your love life began with me. We are learning together. I love you so much just thinking of you when you are not with me hurts physically."

"You know, Arthur, I had a horror of allowing myself to even consider loving anyone ever again. Then I met you, and the attraction turned into desire...and when I didn't repulse you, even after you learned my dreadful secret, a seed of hope flourished that together we might make it. As silly as it sounds, you were as a life-line to a drowning man."

"Well if I am a life-line, you are a candle in the darkness. I'm sure that if I hadn't met you, I would still be living a loveless life, not sexless but certainly loveless." He let his teeth run along the shell of Merlin's ear and hear him gasp for breath, as he did he continued, "Did I tell you that one of the young ladies with whom I used to attend functions and the like, phoned to ask if I was all right as she hadn't seen me around?"

With Arthur's arms wrapped around him, Merlin felt secure enough to ask, "What did you say?"

Arthur whose fingers were now possessively twisting curls in his hair said, "I explained that I had met the love of my life and that I was otherwise occupied."

"Did she ask who this paragon of virtue and love was?" asked Merlin coyly.

"She did, and I told her truthfully that I had met my soulmate…"

"One to last forever?"

"Yes, Merlin, one to last forever and ever."

It was quiet, in the distance the tops of the trees were rustling in the breeze and Merlin remembered how he had run away when Arthur had told him of his past life. He ran a tentative finger over Arthur's chest and said, "Falling in love is exhausting, falling in sex is not. Why do you think that we are sometimes fooled by other peoples' delusions? I went willingly into my first relationship, eyes wide open and a heart just asking to belong to someone.

"I was stupid, I had always belonged to my Mum and Gaius, I didn't need to seek love. I should have waited until love found me…until a rather handsome blonde accosted me verbally in a barn and literally swept me off my feet.

"When I saw you at supper that night, you took my breath away. I had the hardest time forming words and talking to Gawaine and your father. It was as if you had already claimed me. I was on one hand thrilled and on the other terrified. Were you going to break down the defences which I had around my heart, take me and then throw me away?

"Your nearness drove me crazy, it was frightening as I hardly even knew you…it was as if it were predestined. I glanced up and saw you looking at me with the look which gave me hope that it was not all an illusion on my part."

Arthur let his forehead rest against Merlin's and he confided, "I was terrified as well. It was as if the door to a room in my heart had opened into which no one had ever been and I desperately wanted you to be the occupant but I hadn't a clue how to invite you in." Merlin was listening intensely with a loving smile on his lips, Arthur continued, "I didn't know what men said to each other to let them know that they were interested. During the following week I was conscious of nothing but you. I had at one point thought of going on the internet to check out if there were a site called Gayness 101."

Merlin snickered adding, "You were hopelessly in love!"

"I was and still am." Suddenly Arthur sat up and his whole demeanour changed as he became deadly serious. He said quietly, "Merlin, if ever the day comes when you don't want me anymore, break it to me gently, don't leave a note or just walk out and abandon me." His eyes filled with tears and he whispered, _"Don't leave in silence with no word at all, Tell me…!"_

Merlin realised as Arthur now sobbed, how hard it had been for him not knowing, what he had realised as a thirteen year old, that there was something beyond girls. He turned Arthur's face toward him and gently wiping the tears from his cheeks. He sang softly to him,

 _'I'd like to choose how I hear the news,  
_ _Take me to a park that's covered with trees,  
_ _Tell me on a Sunday please._

 _Don't leave in silence with no word at all  
_ _Don't get drunk and slam the door…_

 _Don't run off in the pouring rain  
_ _Don't call me as they call your plane…  
_ _Take me to a park that's covered in trees  
_ _Tell me on a Sunday please'_

Smiling through his tears, Arthur said huskily, "I didn't know you could sing."

"Arthur, there are many things about me which will pleasantly surprise you…and one is that I will never hurt you. People might try to part us but always we will find each other. I will be at your side at the best of times and during those that are not so great and God willing, I will be holding your hand when you leave me after a full lifetime together."

He smiled to lighten the mood and confided, "My mother had the CD and when I was rummaging around I came across it and that song broke me up. I must have been around sixteen and never forgot it. When times were bad, I'd lock myself in my room and play it over and over. Maybe it didn't solve any of my problems but I always had a good cry and felt better."

Arthur had to smile; he'd been there and done that too.

-0-0-

They sat curled into each other in silence, Merlin's finger exploring Arthur's chest and Arthur's running his fingers up the back of his neck into his hair creating little shivers of excitement throughout his body.

There was a kerfuffle in the garden punctuated by a sharp squeek and the flapping of wings. It brought both of them back to the present. "One less mouse in the worId," Arthur said, then stretched and added, "I should be leaving…"

"You can stay, Gaius won't mind."

"Merlin, if I stayed, we will get little sleep and I have to drive to London early tomorrow morning with my wits about me as my father will be back." He gave Merlin one long last kiss and stood up. "Remember that in ten days, I have my holidays and we still haven't finalised what we want to do…"

"Wherever thou goest I will follow," said Merlin smiling.

"To the ends of the earth…?"

"…to the ends of the earth and beyond, if necessary."

"I'll get back to you on that! However, I do want to take you to my mother's family place in Cornwall. It is beautifully and when I show you the secret you will be blown away."

"Hopefully not into the sea!" Merlin said as they reached Arthur's car.

"No, never into the sea…maybe into the heavens and beyond!" He held Merlin to him telling him again how much he loved him and that he would phone on Thursday. Merlin stood there until he could not longer hear Arthur's car. He shivered; it was cold in the wind, so he turned and walked back into the house.

-0-0-

Arthur's father was in a foul mood by noon on Thursday. The Paris meeting hadn't gone well and upon his return, one of his best qualified executive accountants had applied for his two weeks paternity leave. He said to Giselle, "Downright selfish of him especially as we now really need his expertise. Send him into me later this afternoon and I'll see if he can't take it later in the year."

Uther was of the age when men worked outside the home, providing the wherewithal for the women to raise any children the couple might have and to make their house a home. Times had changed even if Uther had not.

Giselle had once heard one of the older members on the board complaining, that women of child-bearing age shouldn't expect the company to assign them places of importance if they were going to absent themselves every three years. She's mentioned it to Arthur who had said that it was a woman and man's choice to have a family and the company should try to accommodate them.

He'd grinned and added, "And that, Giselle, is why I have a male PA! If you weren't such a saint, and the company couldn't do without you as you can cope admirably with my father even when he is in one of his moods, I doubt that you would have retained your position over the years. Did you know that two girls took over your position when you were on holidays last year? Too much work for one person, they claimed."

"I should ask for a raise…" Giselle said with a smile.

"…and if I were in the position to do so, I'd give it to you!" Arthur said with a grin.

Giselle was exceptionally well paid and loved her job. She was not ready to retire and she had decided that when Uther made the decision to do so, she would follow his example. Her husband was in full agreement.

Arthur walked back to his office, a group of them had already been brought up to date on the happenings in Paris with Uther stating, that they had all better be ready to leave in a minute's notice if things didn't change. Arthur's holidays were coming up and he was damned if he was going to reschedule because of some problem in Paris.

Reading his father's mind, he decided that now was not the time to mention holidays. He was meeting Gawaine for lunch so he told Laurence he'd be back around two and left.

-0-0-

It was good catching up with Gawaine again. They met at one of the local restaurants as Gawaine felt that it was a sin to eat in a pub and limit yourself to one drink. That was not what God had intended when people went there. Arthur had argued that pubs were really more like restaurants during the day as kids were allowed in with their parents. He continued, "I know that Tess and her family are going to be in Millsill this weekend and she's accepted to come for supper on Saturday. Thought I might invite you to spend the weekend at Throgmorton. I don't intend to plan anything except supper so you can spend as much time as you want with her but have somewhere to sleep…that is unless you will be staying at her place.'

Gawaine looked affronted, "I can assure you that I would never impose upon her. In two weeks, we're going to visit her kid's father's family in the Lake District and I offered to share the driving. She accepted and I assured her that I would stay with friends so as not to upset anyone."

"So, is she is still the only one for you?" Arthur asked.

"That's like asking you if you still like Merlin. Of course she is, but the situation is complicated by the kids. I know Shirley accepts me but Tess is still holding back as she feels she has responsibilities to her late husband. Libby was hilarious last weekend as she took me on one side and asked me, if I liked her mother and if I could be her new Daddy?"

Arthur laughed as Libby had also told him that her mother loved Gawaine and she wanted to be a bridesmaid. "It's so much simpler when you're young. Libby informed me that one day she was going to be a bridesmaid…and she was going to wear a yellow princess dress! You've got your work cut out if you take on that family."

Looking at him seriously, Gawaine had asked, "You think I'm making a big mistake?"

Arthur clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Not at all, I think you deserve to be happy and you can consider the two youngsters as added joy. I am confident that you will make a lovely husband and father."

Gawaine looked away and then said, "Arthur, this is the first time in my life that I want to do it right. I love her, I enjoy her company and I believe she enjoys mine. I also love the kids and I can see us a family in the future."

"Right then," said Arthur finishing his coffee, "I'll let Peggy know that you'll be coming so she can have your room done up."

"Arthur, I can sleep in one of the other guest rooms if I will be encroaching on you and Merlin."

Shaking his head, Arthur walked onto the street saying, "Merlin still stays at his uncle's. We've not yet reaching the cohabiting stage, just the sleep over part. Neither of us is ready just yet; we have few things to iron out. Did I tell you that he's agreed to come with me to Cornwall for a week?"

"He'll love the place and its ties to the history of Cornwall's smuggling families."

"Thanks that's my mother's ancestors you're referring to!" Arthur said laughing.

"We used to have so much fun there. Have you told him about the place?"

"Not a word and I'd like you to keep mum as well so I can surprise him."

-0-0-

The weekend couldn't come soon enough. Arthur left at three o'clock meeting Gawaine at the station. In no time Dromo was picking them up and Arthur delivered Gawaine into Peggy's hands saying he'd be back with Merlin for supper around seven.

Merlin was waiting for him outside the house and Arthur seeing that Gaius's car wasn't there, ran over to him and picked him up whirling him around.

Merlin laughed and said, "Arthur, put me down."

"I will for a kiss?" Arthur said as he let Merlin's feet touch the ground and then gave him a kiss and a bear hug. "Where have you been all my life?"

"Right here, waiting for my Prince Charming to arrive, by the way, thanks for the phone call as I just had time to clean up and get out here." He slipped his arm around Arthur's waist and pulled him to him again.

They walked into the house and Arthur noticed that Merlin was limping, his first thought was that the stab had become infected. "What's wrong with your leg?"

"Nothing, it's my foot, some irate bull decided that if he were going to lose his family jewels, he'd fight back and get revenge, so he knocked over the farmer and then to add insult to injury stood on my foot while he was in the press. Broke the third and fourth toes." He sighed, "One of the disadvantages of the job as our clients can bite, kick…"

"…and stomp!" Arthur offered. "Don't worry, later I'll kiss it better! But first I have a few other ideas as a welcome. Supper is at seven so I promised Gawaine we'd be there." He looked at his watch smiling, "When do you expect Gaius back?"

Merlin grinned and ran his hand low on Arthur's back, "Tomorrow!"

"…and he left you here all on your lonesome…trusting isn't he?"

Gawaine didn't make any comment when Arthur and Merlin finally arrived hand in hand, closer to seven-thirty.

 **Lyrics: Tell Me on a Sunday Please. Don Black,  
** **Music: Andrew Lloyd Webber, 1979**


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19 : AS LOVED AS HIS OWN SOUL**

Arthur drove Merlin back home after supper. Gawaine had been in high spirits and he and Merlin entertained Arthur. He was pleased that his best friend liked his boyfriend, then he had thought, How could anyone not like Merlin?'

Gawaine mentioned his trip to the Lakes and Merlin told him that Arthur had invited him to Cornwall. Gawaine said, "You'll have fun; on summer holidays I often went there with Arthur and it was a blast. Peggy and Dromo went to look after us. Sun, sea and sand, it was young kids Ibiza."

Arthur nodded proud that Gawaine had kept the secret.

Soon Merlin yawned, Arthur smiled and suggested that he drive him home. "Arthur, I should have brought my own car, that was stupid of me."

"Not necessarily, we will be able to be together longer."

Gawaine laughed, "I'm going up, I'll leave you two lovebirds to settle your differences."

"Don't wait up for me," Arthur said with a smirk causing Merlin to blush.

They were left alone and Arthur decided that the leather sofas in the library would be better than standing in the dining room. Merlin murmured that they would be better off in bed. Arthur needed no second invitation, "Let's go upstairs?"

Merlin shook his head, "Not here, come back to my place. No one will be there. Please, I'd like to have memories of your being in my room."

"Merlin, I slept in your room for a week."

"I know...but I wasn't there!"

Arthur gave him a smile saying, "I hadn't noticed!" Merlin glared at him then saw the smile. ''Kidding, Merlin, as when I'm with you I remember every nuance of our actions, every word, every kiss, every touch..."

Merlin kissed him before he could continue and said, "Got your keys?"

Arthur motioned to the large table in the hall and stepped over to pick them up. "Let's go…before I change my mind."

Laughing, Merlin purposely leant against Arthur saying, "As if…!"

The ride was short and Arthur had smiled to himself as Merlin had his hand on his thigh the whole time. They kissed before getting out of the car and then again when Merlin was fumbling with his key.

"Why did you lock the door with two bruisers like Bouncer and Tilly inside I doubt that any intruder would have stayed for long?"

"Gaius often has drugs in the little fridge in his office for emergencies so both the fridge, his office and the house have to be locked."

"Anything I might be interested in?"

"None, which I am willing to dispense. Some are analgesic…and I believe that would hamper the reason why we came here…!"

They walked into the kitchen and Merlin said, "Wait here, I have to let the dogs out and they like company as then they come in quicker."

"Can't they wait?"

"Not unless you want Bouncer arriving in the bedroom and peering at us over the edge of the mattress. Might prove off putting to say the least." He ran his arm across Arthur's waist letting it slip lower and as Arthur sighed, he slapped his bottom and waltzed out the door. "Don't start without me!" he said grinning.

Arthur wandered around nothing new in the kitchen except for a rather nice dresser and a collection of Blue Willow. He tried to remember what had been there before but he couldn't. He sat at the table and then thought of something which might be funny.

He wandered upstairs to Merlin's room. He was surprised to see another antique sideboard in the upstairs hallway. Gaius had obviously been doing the rounds of the estate sales. Strange that Merlin hadn't mentioned it in passing.

Merlin's door was open so he went in without turning on the light and sat in the little easy chair which had been moved to the corner. He waited. He heard Merlin shut the outside door. He waited!

Merlin not finding Arthur in the kitchen suddenly panicked, his heart was beating hard and he experienced the thought that the whole thing had been a huge hoax, Arthur for all he had said and for all the good times they had had, must have had a change of heart. He ran to the front door and the car was still in the drive. His heart resumed its normal beat and he felt a little better.

He shook his head, why did he let himself get a such a state? He knew but he wouldn't let his mind dwell on it. He quickly checked all the rooms downstairs and then made his way to the second floor. He was going to check all the bedrooms and then had an idea that there would only be one place were Arthur would be.

The door to his room was slightly ajar and he walked in quietly and a disembodied voice quietly sang, "How green you are, how green you are!" then as he approached the chair which he had moved into the corner, it whispered, "How green you are!"

His mind flashed back to playing this as a child and he knew that one more step forward would bring him to the prize.

He reached for Arthur and pulled him up, "Don't do that again, Arthur, as I felt sick thinking that you had left me. I couldn't bear that happening."

Arthur realised that he was upset, he felt rotten, he hadn't meant to hurt Merlin it was supposed to be a game of hide and seek. "Would I ever leave you, Merlin?"

"Possible not?"

"Look at me! The answer is certainly not, an unqualified not! Merlin, I love only you!" He smiled and tried to lighten the mood by adding, "…and my Father, and Peggy and my car and my…"

But Merlin had heard enough and tilting Arthur's head up with a finger under his chin had kissed him.

Arthur when they had to stop to breathe had smiled, "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do…"

"Then why are we wasting time, show me…!"

Merlin said, "I want to see you and for you to see me." He walked over and turned on the bedside table lamp.

Arthur grinned, "Merlin, you've get a proper big boy bed. Where did it come from?"

"Gaius knew an elderly man who was downsizing and he brought it for me, telling me that he thought I could probably do with a bigger bed. As I splurged on a good mattress, we'll have to judge how comfy it is." He reached out and pulled Arthur, pushing him flat on the bed.

"God bless Gaius!" was all Arthur said.

-0-0-

Looking back, Arthur realised that Merlin more freely demonstrated his love in his own home. He had undressed Arthur kissing him continually as more of his skin was exposed. He'd felt useless and had said, "Let me help!"

However, Merlin had said, "Not tonight, Arthur, tonight you are my guest and if you are willing, I will take you places where you have never been and show you things which you have never experienced. Do you trust me?"

Arthur had looked up at the man he trusted with his life and nodded.

"If for any reason you want to stop, just tell me, I'll understand. This is not something that only one person should enjoy, it is an act of love between the two of us." Merlin soon had Arthur pleading and he knew exactly how to sustain the sensations Arthur was experiencing.

Arthur had felt that he was on a wave, not cresting but being sucked back into the sea, leaving all earthly things behind and building steadily until finally he crested and rushed forward in a whiteout of colours.

He came to in Merlin's arms. Merlin was there for him, holding him until he got his breath back and his heartbeat returned to normal. Merlin smiled softly and said, "Are you all right?"

Arthur said, "Again?" and Merlin laughed he knew then and there that he had been right to wait until they were in his own bed. It just seemed the right place to show Arthur the extent of his love.

-0-0-

The neighbour's roosters woke them early and Merlin had again taken Arthur to the heights however this time Arthur made sure that Merlin also received attention which he had decided that he rightly deserved.

Afterwards, they lay there talking. Merlin fully explaining in technical terms what Arthur had experienced. "Don't know how comfortable you will feel today…"

Smiling Arthur had said, "I'll survive…if that's what it takes, but I feel hungry."

"For sex or for food?"

"Both…!" Arthur said.

Merlin grinned and said, "I think I might have created a monster." He leant over to kiss him, before springing off the bed and walking around to Arthur's side to give him his hand, saying, "Sire, I insist that you let me help you up!"

Arthur pushed him away laughing.

"We can shower after breakfast, let's eat first." Merlin wandered off in his underwear and ran downstairs whistling. His eyes had been opened last night, he'd had sex with someone he absolutely loved and he'd not been ridiculed or belittled. He felt wonderful.

Arthur finally joined him in the kitchen, moving slower than normally but his eyes lit up when he saw Merlin. He grinned at him and his heart expanded in his chest and he knew that he was loved by the most brilliant person in the universe.

"Scrambled eggs and toast, with tea or coffee?"

Arthur nodded, "Either…I'm famished!" He looked down at the chair and saw that Merlin had put a cushion on it. He nodded at him and then they both laughed.

-0-0-

Their shower took longer than expected but finally they were both presentable and made their way over to Throgmorton.

Gawaine was sitting in the garden surrounded by dogs. He got up and walked over to them looking at them carefully and said, "So, Arthur, as you never came back, I presume that everything was to your liking!"

Merlin instantly protective said, "Gawaine, leave him alone…you're embarrassing him!"

Hoping that his heightened colour wasn't too apparent, Arthur said, "Above and beyond what I had expected…" Gawaine ginned and thumped him on the back, as Arthur put his arm around Merlin's shoulders and gave him a hug. "And notice is given, Gawaine, that I intend to get you back at a suitable moment for that comment. I'll be keeping a watch on you and Tess."

"That would be sacrilegious as ours will be church sanctioned. Well, a bridesmaid in a yellow princess dress is not going to be satisfied with a trip to a registry office or a ceremony in someone's parlour. No, Tess and I when the time comes will be married in church."

"…and will we be invited?" said Arthur.

"Of course, you will be my best man and Merlin can be the ring bearer as Alfred has already refused the position. Although he doesn't know it, I think as Tess's father is dead, both her mother and Alfred will escort her to the altar."

"Hey, I thought this was just a budding relationship?"

"It is but we both know what we want."

Arthur said, "Gawaine I would be honoured to be your best man." He turned to Merlin, "I saw the cutest Little Lord Fauntleroy blue velvet suit with lace. I think you will look stunning." He grabbed Merlin and whispered something in his ear and Merlin blushed.

"Hey, you two stop acting like sex-crazed lovers, I'm ready for lunch."

The three of them, arms around each other shoulders, trooped off to the kitchen to find Kitty and get something to eat.

Peggy was watching from an upper window and she thought, 'You'd be happy with Arthur's choice. He's perfect for your son.' Then on a more serious note, she's added out loud, "Let's hope his father sees it that way as well."

-0-0-

Tess, Libby and Shirley arrived at Throgmorton just after six o'clock. As the evening was beautiful, Arthur had asked for the table to be set in the conservatory. Peggy had nodded and smiled saying, "It was a favourite place for your mother and father to entertain friends."

Libby was thrilled, "Arthur, it's like eating in a huge glass castle."

Merlin agreed as the plants and flowers were numerous and he was sure that it was twenty-four feet wide. Down one end was an octagonal shaped area in which the table sat. There were other alcoves set up as private reading areas. He'd never been in it before and he was impressed. He'd only recently learned that there was also an indoor swimming pool at Throgmorton.

Arthur noticed his look and squeezed his hand, "It's quite something isn't it. It was here when my parents bought the place but it needed quite a few repairs. My mother loved flowers and some of the plants are the same stock she purchased when it was set up, especially a lot of the orchids.

"That far section, is where my Father likes to relax. He told me when I was little that the area was special and not a play area but a place of memories. It took me a long time to figure out what he meant but I loved him all the more for feeling that way."

Tess looked stunning in pale yellow, Gawaine couldn't keep his eyes off her and his manner with her openly reflected his love. Arthur had a flash of Gawaine and he at the altar watching Alfred proudly bringing his mother down the aisle. It was a bittersweet moment as he glanced at Merlin.

Merlin had been commandeered by Libby. She looked up to him with shining eyes and told him that if she had had to pick a boyfriend for Arthur it would have been him. She then threw him off guard by offering to be a bridesmaid at his wedding but in a different dress than she intended to wear at her mothers.

Smiling Merlin thanked her for the offer and promised that if ever Arthur and he were to get married he would take her up on the offer. That satisfied her and she then decided to talk about praying mantis as one of her friend's brothers had one as a pet. "Did you know that he mustn't let it outside as it is too cold in England for them and sadly it will die. I think that when I grow up I will be a vet."

Merlin assured her that if she studied hard in school, she could be. Arthur came over and whispered in her ear that Merlin was his boyfriend and not hers. She laughed and hugged Arthur saying, "I know and he says that I can be a bridesmaid at your wedding."

Arthur looked at Merlin and raised his eyebrows while Merlin grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

Following supper, Shirley said that she and Libby had to go back to their place as there was a nine o'clock Mass on Sunday. Libby went reluctantly but not before giving the men a hug. When she reached Merlin she whispered, "I will be one day and then I'll come and work with Gaius!"

Never having known any little girls, Merlin was blown away. She was so innocent and loving. He wished that when she grew up her life would be filled with the happiness she deserved. He felt that Gawaine would be wonderful as the father figure in the household and a little part of him thought that maybe it would have been nice to have a little girl of his own.

The four remaining adults sat around talking. Arthur looked at Merlin and raised his eyebrows slightly.

Merlin said, "I really should be getting back to put the dogs out," he laughed, "my Uncle's Pyr has an old man's problem and needs to go out frequently."

Tess smiled, "Well, it was lovely seeing you, again! I hope Libby didn't make a nuisance of herself."

"Not at all, she's a sweet little girl."

Gawaine said, "Well, Tess, let's get you home." He turned to Arthur and said, "I'll see you at breakfast!" He winked at Arthur who had the hardest time not to laugh.

The others left and Merlin stood with Arthur in the hall. He'd pinned Arthur up against the wall, holding him there with his body, he kissed him until he moaned.

On the way home, Arthur wondered if maybe it was something in the water at Millsill which had given Merlin the desire to show how loving he was.

-0-0-

Saturday night was a satisfying repeat of Friday's. Arthur less apprehensive and more at ease, felt completely immersed by Merlin's attentions. They lay there just enjoying each other's closeness and Merlin smiled, the experiences and awful memories which still lay close to the surface clouding a part of his mind, were slowly being eclipsed by what he had with Arthur.

With Arthur, he could do no wrong. He had never judged his performance and like a headmaster, commented on his inaptitude and non-responsive behaviour. He smiled again as he responded almost immediately to Arthur's lips and hands. It was a natural response to something lovingly given and lovingly received. He never doubted Arthur's response to his requests, it was always immediate,

He lay beside Arthur as he slept and realised that this was love not just sex to relieve a need. It was love and he wished that everyone who fell in love would one day feel the way he did. He thought, 'I knew nothing of this feeling, I was beaten down if I tried to voice my feelings and I was controlled so I had no choice. Please, never let Arthur experience that.'

Arthur cuddled closer into him, their legs were tangled and he loved the intimacy of such simple things as skin on skin. He laughed to himself wait until Arthur found out that he was one of those people whose feet were like blocks of ice in winter, Wonder how much entangling of legs they would do then?' He decided that he would be wearing fuzzy socks to bed.

He dozed off still enveloped in their love making which drifted through his mind like wisps of fog.

Merlin was woken by Arthur returning to bed, "You look so adorable lying there all tousled and content." He smiled at him and crept back into bed, "I saw that Gaius's car is back so he must have returned late last night. Not that we would have heard him as you are not the quietest person in bed."

"Be glad we don't live in Japan, some of those houses have paper screened walls…" Merlin said, grinning at him. "Anyway, I can't help it as you are to blame!"

Arthur ignored him and ran hid hand down his chest continuing in the architectural dissertation, "…or in a Hawaiian palm leaf hut!"

"Arthur, not everyone in Hawaii lives in palm huts, they have wood and brick houses as well."

"Well, I'm glad that our houses are stone built and soundproof. Hate to have someone banging on the door wanting to know who was being murdered."

"I don't sound like I'm being murdered, do I?" Merlin said sitting up.

Arthur grinned, "No, not to me…you sound as someone who is enjoying himself." He paused looking up at Merlin coyly, he reached out his hand and added seriously, "Merlin, I'm willing if you're able!"

Laughing Merlin said, "Don't be melodramatic!" He smiled down at him and said, "Remember, as my friend Engelbert said, 'All you have to do is ask'…!"

"He's not your friend, he's too old."

"Well, he could have been!"

"Are you stalling?"

Merlin said, "No…!" Before leaning down and giving Arthur a kiss. Temporary silence ensued.

-0-0-

They explained to Gaius that they were meeting up with Gawaine for a late breakfast but that they would be back mid afternoon and have a barbecue for supper.

On the way over to Throgmorton, Arthur again mentioned the Cornwall Cottage. "If it sounds good to you, we can go midweek for a week or so, we can always stay longer if you want?

"Anything special I should bring, beside my camera?"

Arthur grinned at him, "Clothes might be a good idea, not for my benefit off course, and something warm and swim wear. I'll let the chap who looks after the place, know to get it ready for our arrival. Anything you particularly want in the way of food?"

"You know me anything that grows in the ground," he glanced at Arthur's troubled look before adding, "and maybe we could buy some fish locally. Where are we going exactly?"

"Just outside Trevena which you would know better as Tintagel. The scenery is wonderful, the people are friendly and it's full of history."

"The secret…?"

"It would no longer be a secret if I told you. Now, would it?"


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20 : FISHERMEN, MINERS AND SMUGGLERS**

Arthur explained to Merlin that way in the past, his mother's family were miners and fisherman. They were honest hard working folk. They rented a cobble stoned, slate roofed cottage from a local mine owner.

"Is the cottage still there?"

"No, over the years it was abandoned and fell into ruin, then the locals used the stones to repair buildings and walls. In later years, the whole terrace was torn down. According to the records, one of the women in the family went into service at the big house. She worked there for years and married one of the grooms. The master and mistress of the house had a sickly daughter and the young girl from my family was moved in to play with her and be her companion. She was educated with the master's daughter and made a significant marriage. Finally in later years, one of her descendants married becoming the mistress of the big house."

"Sounds like a BBC historical show. Where did you get the information?"

"County and parish archives mostly…my father also had a lot of information as it was my mother's family home. Her long distant ancestors had made money in tin mines and according to Uther...smuggling." He looked at Merlin and raised his eyebrows.

Merlin grinned, "Wait until Mum hears that you are a descendant of smugglers, that will give her more clout in her book club which last year read Winston Graham's Poldark. Is the big house still there?"

"Yes, but it is leased out. It was left to me but as my father and I rarely used it, it was more of a home for the staff than us. Financially, it became a burden which I didn't need.

"A real estate agent approached me wanting to buy it and develop it as flats but my father was against cutting the ties completely and advised me to consider finding a long-term tenant for it. He negotiated a rental lease with a friend of his who is a member of the founding family of the golf club. It was renovated as a hotel for the club. Although part of the deal included our family being able to stay in the hotel, I prefer the smaller family cottage closer to the sea and part of the deal is, my guests and I have recourse to all the club's private facilities and two life memberships. Have you ever had a massage, Merlin?"

Merlin froze, the idea of allowing a stranger to run their hands over his body did not appeal to him, Arthur's yes but not a stranger's.

Arthur had glanced at him and realised that it had been an insensitive question. He added, placing his hand on his knee, "We could use their thermal pool instead if you prefer."

Merlin nodded saying, "I'd like that."

"That road leads to the club," Arthur said motioning to a well kept gravel road but if we turn off here, we'll reach the cottage. Hang on as it's bouncy in places. The road is little more than a track but it's quite passable."

Merlin had fabulous views of the sea as they climbed a little higher entering a copse of trees which opened up to show them the slate and stone cottage. It came complete with a garden wall hanging with yellow alyssum and ivy. Against the wall of the cottage was a group of stately dahlias and on the other side of the door blue delphiniums on their second flowering in the autumn. Merlin was impressed, he knew Gaius who loved gardening and flowers would have been envious of Cornwall's climate.

-0-0-

Merlin loved the cottage upon sight. It was cradled between the folds of a hill and was small, so unlike everything Arthur owned. As you walked in, there was a fair sized living room, a kitchen with a large table, a little hallway with a toilet and shower, and much to Merlin's surprise when Arthur opening another door a passageway to an outside toilet complete with overhead cistern and chain.

"Nice touch!"

Arthur laughed, "That must have been an 1880's addition, it still works. The family would've been considered rich because of it. When the big house was rented, I wanted to keep this place, so my father suggested an extension be added with a proper downstairs bathroom and a second bedroom with ensuite upstairs.

"I love this place it seems to hug you and look after you and more importantly, it is a link to my mother. My father said they had never stayed here but I think she did," he paused before saying quietly, "because when I'm here, I dream of her. I have only ever seen photos. Peggy has shared the ones she has with me but my father doesn't want any around so I only have them here."

There were two bedrooms upstairs, the ensuite with a double bed, the other with twin beds. The walls were sloping and you had to be carful as the downstair lintels were not only low but of stone. Merlin was careful to duck each time he entered a room.

He walked over to the stone hearth in the living room, there was a photo of a young couple; he recognised a young Uther and then realised he was looking at Arthur's mother. He said, "Arthur, she's beautiful." He looked back at him and said, "You have her smile and blond hair."

Merlin knew that Arthur was pleased as he said, "Both Peggy and Gaius tell me that..."

"Arthur, tonight, tell her about me and how much I love her son!"

"I already have..." he turned to Merlin and held out his hand and Merlin joined him on the small sofa. "Sorry, it's not more spacious but maybe couples were smaller in the old days."

"That's all right, I'll get to sit closer to you."

They decided to eat at the cottage. Their meal was simple but nutritious. Merlin loved the gingery Cornish fairings topped with marzipan.

After supper, he found a book about Tintagel and decided to read it; Arthur cuddled into him as he read the interesting pieces aloud. They were conscious of heavy rain on the slate and suddenly jumped at a peal of thunder.

-0-0-

Merlin found out something interesting that night. Arthur was scared of storms. He hardly slept, tossing and turning and sighing. Merlin tried to tell him that they were certainly safe in the cottage safer than they would have been in a caravan or under canvas. "Think of all the people who at the moment look like drowned rats," he told him. Arthur had tried to grin but Merlin knew he was still apprehensive. "Let's count the time between the lightning and the thunder. It will tell us if the storm is coming or going."

"You do it, I'll just listen to you…"

Merlin who was fascinated by storms and would have stood at the window not wanting to miss anything, propped himself up against the headboard with Arthur resting his head in his lap, he played idly with his hair and decided that if Arthur had been a girl, her friends would have been jealous of her thick blond hair. He smiled to himself as he preferred brown hair but he had to confess that Arthur's hair was beautiful and perfect for him.

The storm had moved on and Arthur was asleep. Merlin slid down in the bed so Arthur's head was now on his chest, he kissed his forehead but way off centre and smiled. He was sure that it was how his mother felt for him, an all encompassing love and a deep seated desire to protect.

-0-0-

They woke late the following morning to a bright sunny day however, Merlin could see that Arthur had not completely forgotten the storm. Merlin listened as Arthur explained that as a child, he had awoken during a violent summer storm, he was eight years old and petrified. There was continuous sheet lightning making it almost daylight and the thunder was sharp cracks echoing around until replaced by another peal. He was truly scared. He'd tried to find his father but he couldn't.

"It was Dromo as he made his final rounds, who found me hiding under the hall table, shivering and crying my heart out. He took me to Father and was horrified as he started to give me a lecture about what happens to cowards.

"Dromo must have left as Peggy arrived and took me away telling my father something about a little boy afraid of a storm not a soldier deserting his troops during a battle."

He looked at Merlin with his eyes full of tears. "Peggy was so kind, she told me not to worry as my mother hadn't liked thunder storms either. She then took me back to bed and gave me fresh pyjamas as I'd wet myself and stayed with me until the storm had passed."

He stopped and finally said, "Father and I never discussed what had happened. Maybe if what Peggy said was true about my mother it was too painful for him to see his son afflicted by the same fear, I don't know!"

-0-0-

Merlin would never forget his first visit to Tintagel, the heights, the waves and a strange feeling that he belonged there. On the drive over he had felt an awakening within him which he couldn't explain. He wondered if Arthur felt the same way. Something was going to happen not as much frightening as settling.

Arthur had been laughing telling Merlin that they should certainly visit the cave which had his name. "It's more like a passage way than a real cave. It goes right through the cliffs between Castle Beach or Merlin's Cove which is also called Tintagel Haven and Westside Cove."

Merlin said, "…and what about the castle, it's often referred to as King Arthur's?"

"Well maybe, but the ruins don't lend to that fact, as what is there now are ruins from 1200's; however it was built on the ruins of Roman and Celtic fortified camps of the 5th century. Sad really as scientists feel that with erosion and forces of nature, one day the narrow strip of land will be so damaged that the rocky prominence will be separated from the mainland."

Merlin felt on a natural high. He would have loved to have been able to have been in the ruins alone. He felt connected to the very ground they stood on. He was so far into himself that he was not conscious of Arthur talking to him until he put his hand on this elbow and said, "Are you all right? You're very quiet."

He turned to him, saying with a smile, "Thank you for bringing me here, Arthur! It's wonderful, can you feel it?"

After three hours and innumerable photos, some taken of the two of them by a friendly Japanese tourist, they climbed back up the stairs to the village of Tintagel. Merlin loved the cottages which reminded him of Arthur's.

They had lunch in a quaint restaurant and then looked into going to Castle Beach to visit Merlin's cave. The tide was in their favour and after a steep descent they were able to make their way to the cave. Because he didn't know about it, Merlin was pleasantly surprised by the carving in the rock face of the wizard Merlin. Arthur mentioned that there had been some local controversy about it but insisted upon taking a photo of Merlin and his rock faced namesake.

The light was favourable and Merlin as a photographer was in his element. His photos of the interior of the cave were later to impress Arthur as Merlin and his camera had caught things to which Arthur's naked eye had been blind.

They sat on a rock watching the bathers and then faced the steep incline back to the village.

Just before they turned in for the night, Merlin knew that he was likely to dream. He was still affected by his visit and checking his photos had only intensified the feeling. Arthur had assured him that if he had a nightmare, he would watch over him and if it seemed to be getting too intense, wake him up and hold him

However, the dreams if they happened were sweet and relaxing as Merlin woke the following morning refreshed and not wracked with guilt or sorrow.

Arthur was the one with troubling dreams. He was in the cave drowning and he couldn't get his breath.

He woke fighting for air only to find out that Merlin's arm was across his face smothering him. He moved it gently, kissing his fingers, frightened to let go. Merlin was quiet, his sleep must have been dreamless.

-0-0-

The sun has risen when Merlin woke, he smiled at Arthur who was still asleep, a worried frown on his face. He smiled, he knew exactly how to chase that frown into away.

Later, lying side by side, Merlin says, "What are we doing today?"

"If the weather is good, maybe we could walk along the beach. It is beautiful, there are secret coves…"

"Sound like that might be useful…" Merlin said with a wicked grin.

Arthur ignored him and laughed, "We can pack a lunch and eat it down there. Then climb up to the coastal trail and walk home. I want to take you to a quaint fishing village but it'd better to go when it's sunny. Tomorrow might be good. Anyway, this afternoon I have a surprise for you."

Arthur refused to be drawn into divulging the secret, even though Merlin tried his hardest.

He laughed at him finally saying, "In Court, that might be considered unlawful coercion."

"Not from my perspective, it isn't as it feels more like fun!"

They never did get to the beach.

After lunch, Arthur asked Merlin to follow him across the headland toward the sea.

"Is this the secret?"

"Yes," said Arthur as he stopped at a mound with an iron grill set into it. Looking up at Merlin he said, "Trust me?"

Merlin looked down at the man who knew all his secrets and had remained by his side. He trusted Arthur with his life, he nodded saying, "Wither thou goest...!"

Arthur smiled, he would never put Merlin into danger. He put the key into the well oiled padlock and it opened. He swung back the grill and waited for Merlin to step forward. He then slipped the shank back into the lock. He turned to Merlin explaining that as the owner of the property he would be liable for any injuries sustained even to trespassers.

They were faced by a gravelled slope and an iron door. More keys opened it and Arthur with a torch under his chin, snarled, "Welcome to my lair!"

Merlin trembled saying with a laugh, "Ooh...I'm scared!"

"Don't be, 'cause I am a soft-hearted example of the smoke-belching occupant…you can ask St. George if you need a reference."

"Well, actually, I am rather partial to dragons so maybe I'll just take my chances. Tell me, will there be any beautiful captive virgins that need my help?"

Arthur laughed, "I don't believe that you would be of any use to them!"

"I might, I love all animals from stoats to sea slugs. I could look after them and then find them a 'forever' home.

Turning, Arthur ran the back of his index finger up Merlin's cheek and said, "But what about me? Would I also be relegated to a re-homing list?"

"No, you are definitely a keeper!" Hadn't you figured that out yet?"

Merlin felt Arthur's lips against his and he smiled into the kiss. Suddenly, the dragon's lair was filled with promise.

Arthur pushed the door open and stood back to let Merlin walk into the tunnel. On the wall before the door had closed, Merlin had seen a light, 'Well,' he thought, 'At least we won't be in pitch blackness.'

Arthur threw a switch and there was light. Well, Merlin decided a weak excuse for light but he could make out that the tunnel was quite long.

They continued their descent, Arthur explaining that the passageway led to a disused mine shaft that went out under the sea. "We can't go that far as my great-great grandfather was ordered to seal it off. However, that isn't our destination…"

They reached an intersection, an iron grill covered what looked like a set of stairs beside another passageway which they took. The floor remained level and they walked from one pool of light to the next.

Merlin was sure that there was light ahead but there was another padlocked grill which Arthur open and reached back to turn off the lights.

The passageway opened into a large cave, the mouth of which was open to sea. Merlin was mesmerised, he walked forward to the edge and looked down, they were above the water but had a wonderful view of Tintagel in the distant on the left.

"What is this place?"

"In the estate records, the property was listed as one large home, a farm and tin mine with an assortment of workers cottages. The hall is rented, the cottages are mostly gone and this is a part of the mine. No reference was ever made to this in the records maybe it was used for storage. As kids, we used it for parties and sleepovers."

He got no further as Merlin said, "Can we…?"

"I don't see why not. We'll have to use sleeping bags and bring in water and food. If you're game, I am..."

"Can we do it tonight?"

Arthur walked over and looked out, "Not such a good idea as rain is forecast. You'll want a clear night for the sunset. It's fun sitting up here and watching people on the beach below."

"Can it be reached from the beach?"

"No one seems to know it's here, so it's our own secret hideaway."

Merlin turned saying, "To do anything we want?"

"To do anything we want!" Arthur repeated with a smirk.

Arthur made sure all the metal doors and grills were securely locked before they took the path back up to the cottage.

"Have you ever been in the actual mine shaft and tunnels?"

"No, but there are historic mine sites, the Poldark Mine for one. They have models and it is explained quite well. You know, air supply and distance and depth of tunnels. We can go later this week, if you are interested? There are underground tours. It's part of the Cornish World Heritage Sites."

"Do you want to go out to eat or stay here?"

"Stay here…but continue about the mines."

"There was even some talk about trying to reopen the industry as tin ore is washed out of all the mines mixed in the sand. The machinery would not unlike a huge sieve to separate the particles. I can see that it would be pretty annoying for the locals who depend on surfers and tourist, but possibly financially viable as the metal is in high demand in the Far East."

"I'd rather see pristine beaches and sand hills than machinery," Merlin decided.

The weather was cloudy with intermittent rain so they lit a fire and had supper in the living room. Merlin got up and cleared the dishes promising to do them the following morning.

The sound of the rain pelting on the slates prompted their cuddling close together. Merlin grinned, he never needed an excuse to cuddle into Arthur. They watched a little TV but soon they were way beyond watching anything so Merlin suggesting that they would be better upstairs as the bed was larger than the sofa.

-0-0-

Next day, Arthur decided that a day touring around the area might be entertaining for Merlin. They had lunch in Padstow and sat watching the fishing vessels in the outer harbour. They then took a boat trips as far south as Tintagel. They both agreed that seeing the headland and beach from the sea was worthwhile.

On their return to Padstow, they visited the National Lobster Hatchery. Merlin had his chance to see baby cuttlefish. He became a fan in seconds and referred to them as his little spacemen.

"Guess that means that you won't be eating cuttlefish in the near future?"

Merlin felt guilty as he had tasted baby cuttlefish in an oriental salad and actually quite enjoyed it but these were different he told Arthur as they were alive. He marvelled at the coloured adult lobsters, the blues, the tangerine, the pure white and fell in love with the newly hatched babies. As a vet, he appreciated the job being done by the marine experts in conservation and research.

As it was a charitable organisation, Arthur left a healthy donation and as a surprise arranged for Merlin to be enrolled in the 'Adopt A Baby Lobster' scheme. He received a packet of information and would be notified when at three months old, it would be released and where it would enter the sea. He was impressed to read that one mother lobster called a hen lobster produces annually between three and twelve thousand eggs a year.

Surprised by the gift, Merlin told Arthur that whenever, they come to Cornwall in the future, Padstow with its hatchery, inner harbour and fishing fleet was to be day trip.


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21: A SEASIDE SOJOURN**

It was raining when they woke up the following day and Arthur decided that a trip to the golf club made sense. He made a reservation for lunch and notified management that he and a guest would be taking advantage of the spa facilities.

After breakfast, they made their way to Arthur's Links. Of course, Merlin wanted to know if it was named after him but he laughed explaining that the owners were a conglomerate which also owned the Camelot Hotel above Tintagel. They had chosen the name. It had originally been known Ashburnham Manor.

Merlin was impressed with the set up. They were given a complimentary hotel room for their use while they were there including complimentary toiletries, fabulously thick bathrobes and terrycloth slippers. Laughing happily, Merlin said, "Travelling with you, Sire, has its perks."

Arthur pulled him over and threw him on the bed. He smiled down at him and said, "Learn your position, Boy, now up you get and fetch my swimming trunks."

Merlin fetched their sports bag, turfing everything out on the bed and in typical Merlin fashion aimed the trunks at Arthur's head. He caught them one handed grinning.

"Now, now, Merlin, play nicely."

They got into their trunks with Arthur making uncalled for comments about Merlin's physical attributes. Merlin took his time changing, daring Arthur to make a move, but he didn't just admired him from afar.

Once they were ready, they made their way to the pool. It was an indoor-outdoor pool but due to the weather, the adjoining doors were closed. Merlin happily did laps, Arthur was surprised. When they passed in the pool, he flagged Merlin down and mentioned that they had never discussed swimming.

Merlin said, "I don't discuss all my abilities with non-athletic calibre athletes." He dived but grabbed at Arthur as he swam away, surfacing ten feet away and turned grinning before settling into an excellent crawl.

When Arthur was tired swimming, he moved onto the thermal pool. It was a heated saltwater and mineral pool. He was sure he could feel the heat seeping into his bones. It was quite buoyant and he just let his head rest against the supports and gave himself up to the feeling.

He'd left Merlin doing back strokes down the pool. He looked fabulous and saw other visitors interested in his progress. Two of the lifeguards were watched him with interest. Arthur smiled thinking, 'Best of luck, men, but he is already spoken for.'

Arthur was conscious of movement in the water and he opened his eyes, to Merlin climbing in beside him. "Hello, Stranger, did you miss me?" he said reaching for him.

"Arthur, if you keep that up, you will be a persona non grata here. They'll throw us out."

"Well, you started it!" Arthur said.

Merlin grinned, "Close your eyes and enjoy the heat because the next step will be a freezing cold shower."

Hating cold showers, it took Arthur the longest time to actually turn on the tap. He decided maybe that the anticipation was worse than reality. He put out his hand to reach it but someone beat him to it and a voice said, "Let me do that for you, Sire!"

The cold water shocked him but after two minutes, he stepped away invigorated and wrapped himself in a towel. He could see Merlin sitting on the edge of the shower stalls smirking.

-0-0-

They returned to their room and changed. Merlin had certainly worked up at appetite and he was ready to go to the dining room. As the weather had improved noticeably since they had first got in the pool, they sat on the terrace and watched as swimmers passed through the tunnel into the outside pool. Golfers were also appearing on the course and it looked as if the afternoon would be nice.

"Did you check the weather for this evening?"

"Yes, Merlin, I did and you will be able to get great sunset shots from the cave." Arthur said with the patience of a saint.

"So we can still spend the night there?"

"Yes, unless you would rather spend the night in a comfortable bed in a lovely little cottage with me."

"I thought you were going to go as well?"

"Doesn't seem to make much sense, as I have slept there millions of times. I will however open the place up for you and lock all the doors once you're there so no unwelcome stranger arrives and accosts you!"

"That's not funny!"

"Yes it is, Merlin, just to see the look on your face…of course I intend to sleep in the cave with you. What would I do in that comfy bed all be myself in the cottage?" Merlin gave him a knowing look. Laughing Arthur continued, "Anyway, it will be another memory to add to our history of being together. If we are not too tired, we could plan something for tomorrow."

Arthur, I'm never tired!"

"So, I've noticed…" he said, allowing his foot to rub up and down Merlin's leg.

"Arthur if you get us thrown out of here, I will die of embarrassment."

"What?" said Arthur putting his elbows on the table and holding both of his hands in plain sight. Merlin just shook his head.

The waiter arrived. "Have, you gentlemen, had time to check the menu? And if so are you ready to order drinks." Merlin glanced around and many of the men and women in the restaurant had drinks from the bar.

Arthur said, "I'll have a Stella, please. Merlin?"

"I'd be happy just to have a sparking Pelligrino, thank you."

They both decided upon fish dishes. Arthur had the mussels. Merlin was interested in Starry Gazie Pie until the waiter explained that it was a fish pie with fresh sardines which were placed so that their heads poked up through the top level of pasty. Merlin's stomach flipped and he chose scallops instead.

Arthur laughed, "I'm agree that pie sounded dreadful. They are held captive in the pastry and are watching you as you go to eat them. You're better off with the scallops as at least they won't be looking at you!"

Following lunch they returned to their room to pick up the sports bag. Arthur handed the keycard in at the reception and the manager came out to see that everything had been to their liking. Arthur thanked him and they left to walk back to the cottage.

-0-0-

"Merlin, do you like swimming in the sea? There are a few beaches around here that are safe and very poplar. Maybe if the weather warms up a bit, we could go there one afternoon. Have you ever tried surfing?"

"Yes, it was embarrassing as although on dry land, I could stand with no trouble in the sea I seemed hopeless. Spent most of my time either below my board in the waves or being dragged into shore by it."

Arthur laughed. He'd not had much luck with surfing though he had enjoyed wearing a wetsuit and carrying his board up from the beach. It had been a great excuse to meet girls. He smiled, those days were well passed and looking at Merlin beside him, he knew he had no reason to meet anyone else.

As soon as they got into the house, Merlin said that he'd like a cup of tea. To Arthur, this sounded a good idea so he made his guest sit on the terrace overlooking the sea while he put on the kettle.

By the time he had the tray set, and went outside, he couldn't see Merlin. Then he noticed him kneeling in the sand dunes with his camera. He laughed thinking, 'If all guests were as easy to entertain as he is, life would be simple.'

He hollered and Merlin raised his head and waved back. He came running back to the terrace and showed Arthur what he had been photographing. It was a half buried anchor.

"Do you think it's a historic artefact or just something old?

"I don't know, it certainly looks interesting and it's not modern."

Merlin was on the roll so he said, "Maybe it's from a ship that years ago was wrecked and the smugglers decided that once they had all the valuables, that someone should go back and get it because of its iron content. Today, someone would just put it in their garden as decoration but in those days, I guess they'd sell it. Let's try to pull it up. It would look nice leaning on your stone wall near the little gate."

And, that is exactly, what they did, Arthur got shovels and a wheelbarrow which proved useless and finally they managed to uncover the whole things and slid a tarpaulin under it and dragged it up to the cottage. They stood back admiring their work and Arthur agreed that Merlin's idea of putting it against the wall was a good one. They searched for a manufacturer's name or a date but found nothing.

Arthur looked at his watch and realised the afternoon was practically over. He wanted to get together the camping things they'd need in the cave so he went into the house to get things together. "We can take everything down in the wheelbarrow because it is better on grass than on sand."

Once everything was transferred to the mound door, Arthur checked on the cottage and locked it up. Merlin had all his camera equipment including a tripod as he wanted to take night time shots and the sunset.

The last thing Arthur brought with him was kindling, "If we want a fire we always take some wood in as I never remember how much is already there." It took them two trips to get everything down to the cave. Arthur had insisted that they take warm sweaters as well and Merlin noticed that it was a few degrees colder in the cave than outside.

He stood looking out over the sea and he suddenly said, "Arthur?"

Arthur who was busy trying to make order out of the mound of supplies in the middle of the cave said, "Yes!"

"Did any of your friends ever fall out of the cave? The rocks across the mouth are not very high and if Gawaine was here, I bet he was all for climbing out as far as he could."

Arthur laughed, "Actually in some aspects, my father was very parental. He had an iron grill placed across the opening just in case kids decided to imitate the seabirds. Dromo was usually here with us as an added precaution.

"Before the big house was rented, we used to have great fun in it, we had free rein and could do what we wanted as long as we turned up on time for mealtimes and stayed in our bedrooms overnight. Now entertaining in the cottage is more difficult as there's not that much space but we've managed. Close friends don't mind bunking down on the floor and when there is no more space we have some tents we can put up in the garden, or they can stay at the golf club.

"Ever since, I took it over, Peggy and Dromo spend ten days here in the summer and one Christmas when my father and I were in the US. They spent Christmas here."

"I think I'd like that…" Merlin said.

Arthur left Merlin to his own devices. He took photos and studied a nautical map he'd found in one of the cupboards.

Over the years odd bits of furniture had made its way to the cave, there was a table with four mismatched wooden chairs, a couple of cupboards. Peggy didn't think that lying directly on the rock floor was a good idea so a sleeping shelf had been constructed along one side. In a pinch it could sleep seven children…plenty of room for the two of them.

Arthur lit the fire and put the old pot on the metal grill over it. Supper would be basic; a hearty vegetable soup, cheese, bread fresh this morning, some pre-cooked pasta a great marinara sauce and tinned peaches. Arthur told him, "You eat what you want and the rest we feed to the gulls but only before we leave as otherwise they keep walking around while we're in bed, pecking at us trying to find more scraps."

"Will they eat pasta and sauce?"

"Yes, if there is any left. I think they have stomaches like iron, they eat all sorts of things. One of our teachers called them the scavengers of the seashore. It's better not to delve too far into that thought."

Merlin smiled, "We always used to have peaches and ice-cream on my birthday at home. It was sort of tradition. The first time Gaius brought home fresh peaches, I was less than impressed as I didn't particularly like them."

They pulled the chairs over to the fire and ate there. Merlin entertained Arthur with more things about his childhood having him in stitches a few times. Soon they were both ready to turn in. Arthur allowed Merlin to choose which side of the bed he wanted. Understandably, he chose the sea side. "I want to be woken by the gulls at sunrise. Do you mind?"

"Not really, and if I did we could have always changed halfway through the night!"

-0-0-

They lay there not touching, listening to the waves slapping the rocks below the cave mouth. It was almost hypnotic and Merlin as Arthur expected fell asleep. It was a full moon and at sometime during the night not only would it be high tide but the cave would be flooded with moonlight. Arthur rolled onto his side and watched Merlin.

Tonight the cave held a special significance as he was there with Merlin. Merlin, the sea, the moon and probably somewhere marauding gulls…

Merlin woke as the moon reached his face, he smiled. He loved the moon it made him feel special. He glanced over at Arthur who was wide awake.

He said softly, "I was waiting for you as I knew you would wake up and I didn't want to miss anything."

Smiling Merlin rolled closer to him saying, "…and do you think, I would have let that happen?"

Their lovemaking was calm and slow, ruled by the rhythms of nature especially the sea. They lay there slowly coming back to earth and Merlin smiled at Arthur and said, "Has your bed servant, performed well tonight, Sire?"

"He certainly has, someday I might even lend him to you!" Arthur said playing along.

"Oh no, Sire, he belongs to you alone. It would break his heart if you dismissed him."

Merlin, I'm kidding as I have no intention of dismissing anyone especially you. For as long as you want to be, you are mine and mine alone. Together, we will face all the problems of the world."

Reverting to bygone times, Merlin said with a smile, "No problem, Sire, for as long as I can be in your bed each night, it will be sufficient." Then switching to the present he said, "By the way, Arthur, yesterday in Tintagel, I could have sworn I saw a statue of King Arthur that looked just like you. I meant to tell you but then we went down to the beach. Can we go back to the shop tomorrow to buy one? It will be a souvenir of our first visit together to Cornwall."

"Yes, now if you could stop chattering, I have a brilliant idea of what we can do…"

When Arthur finally woke up, Merlin had been up for an hour taking photos. "This is a great place Arthur just one problem, I need to pee!"

"Feel free! Just use the ocean…" Arthur waited until Merlin turned towards the ocean and then added as an afterthought, "…better first check the direction of the wind."

Merlin started to laugh, "Last time I ever trust you, Pendragon!"

-0-0-

They returned to Tintagel to pick up the Arthur statue which had entranced Merlin. Arthur couldn't see the likeness but the main thing was that Merlin liked it and it made him happy.

Merlin also wanted to get more shots of Ruben Eynon's _Gallos,_ a slightly larger than life bronze creation which resembled King Arthur with a sword and helmet. He would have loved to have gulls in the photo but that was not to be. The title was Cornish for power and Arthur deciding it was suitable for his namesake, liked it. It was not a solid cast as it had been sculptured in a way to make the figure spirit like and allowed the sea winds to blow through the flowing cloak and almost skeletal body.

By standing to the left of the statue Merlin managed to get a shot with the rocky cliffs and sea in the background.

Not satisfied with that, he insisted that Arthur stand beside it adding, "Shame you're not dressed as an Arthurian knight, the photo would have been great."

"Excuse me! If I intended to dress for the occasion it would be as the king himself."

"If you did that you would be besieged by tourists wanting their photos taken with you. Might be a way of making some cash when you're skint, you'd make a pretty penny, just like the Roman Centurion characters do in Bath."

"Well, why stop with me? You could do a Merlin impression and bring in money too. Maybe the two of us could retire on the proceeds."

"Not with your expensive tastes, Arthur!"

They returned to the car and made their way to Newquay. "A bustling metropolis…" Merlin remarked as the street were crowded with holidaymakers. The beaches to the north however were fantastic. Miles of golden sand and in many areas just surfers.

However one house caught Merlin's attention, it was a little red-roofed house on a high rock on Towan Beach, connected by a gaited suspension bridge to the mainland. He did a little checking and found out that it had recently sold and become rental accommodation. Not for the faint of heart as the gaited suspension bridge was ninety feet above the beach and the weekly rent was £6000 ($10 0000) in season for a party of six. Arthur had laughed at him when he had suggested that they could rent it for a week and have a mega party. He's said, "Merlin, considering you are not really a party type, I don't think that would work!"

"I could learn to be more social just for that week…" Merlin insisted as he continued looking at his iPhone and finally said, "…or we could just rent it for the two of us at £1800 a week in the off-season." He took time to look Arthur up and down and then, sidling over to him so they were touching, he said quietly, "We'd be closer to heaven than anyone else in the area and I bet the sex would be great."

Arthur burst out laughing. Merlin certainly has a novel way of selling a week away in Cornwall. He shook his head laughing at him, "I thought you loved the cave at the cottage."

"Yes, I really do but remember that Variety is the Spice of Life."

Arthur said, "In the off-season the weather might be foggy for days, the seas stormy and I bet that bridge sways in the wind."

"Who said anything about leaving the place? We could have it stocked with food and be isolated by choice."

Arthur just grinned, seven days in a secluded hideaway at £257 a night actually sounded reasonable when compared to the five star Canary Riverside Plaza executive suites which his father used for visiting business partners at around £400 a night. He might look into this but he wouldn't say anything to Merlin until it was a fait accompli, he could take a week off in December and see if they really would be marooned in Merlin's idea of paradise.

It was their last day in Cornwall and they drove back to the cottage to pack and leave things in order. Tom and his wife would come by the following day to take care of any food left there, do the laundry and lock up the place until Arthur's next visit.

Their route via Bristol would take them just over five hours to get back to London. The drive to Bristol took them two and a half hours and Merlin's eagle-eyes had seen the sign for Glastonbury and talked him into making a side trip.

Arthur said, "Knowing you, you'll find somewhere else to visit so how about we spent a couple of nights here?" Merlin had suspension bridges on his mind so Arthur offered to visit Brunel's Clifton Suspension bridge so he could take photos.

"I'm happy to spend nights anywhere as long as you are beside me!"

In the end, they booked into the lovely Bristol Marriott Royal for two nights. They played tourists and took a city tour, sat in the Centre and had ice-cream, walked the length of the suspension bridge at sunset and had a very interesting night in the hotel.

Arthur wondered if he would be able to get out of bed the following morning.


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22 : A TIME FOR THEMSELVES**

"Mum it's me...Merlin…"

Hunith laughed, "I guessed that! Are you having a nice time in Cornwall?"

"We had a lovely time. Cornwall is beautiful and Arthur's cottage is in one word, quaint. Actually, we were on our way back but I saw a sign to Glastonbury Tor so we made a side trip then visited the little town including the Abbey. Weather was good and I'll have some great photos.

"Arthur then decided that we'd stay over in Bristol for two days. You've been here, haven't you?"

"Yes, before you were born we spent a weekend there. I loved the houses painted in various colours and the zoo. We walked over the Suspension bridge, I was scared and hung onto you father."

Merlin laughed, once again realising the difference between Uther and his mother. Arthur's father kept silent about his wife but his mother often talked about his father.

"Today, we're planning to spend the day in Bath. Just going down by train, it takes no time. Tomorrow is open but I said that Arthur could choose where he wants to go and he said, 'Wells.' So, Wells it will be. I'm really excited as I intend to take full advantage of my camera, I already have my sights set on the Cloister stairs."

"Merlin, you'll love Bath and make sure you visit The Weir."

"Got to go now, as Arthur is ready. Speak to you when I get back to Gaius's."

"Bye, Love and say hello to Arthur."

"Will do! Bye, Mum!"

Hunith hung up the phone happy to hear Merlin so upbeat. Arthur was good for him and she thanked God that Merlin had found someone to love who truly loved him.

-0-0-

Bath according to legend founded by the Romans around 860BC as a thermal spa, was everything Merlin had expected, original Roman remains and great Georgian architecture. He was thrilled with the Roman Baths. He was in his element as he was able to able to wander to his heart's content as Arthur had sat on one of the benches around the geothermal pool chatting with an Australian family. They even exchanged addresses but Merlin thought it was a bit of a distance to go just because someone had said, 'Well if you're ever in Sydney, make sure you do the Harbour Bridge Walk and drop by for tea.'

Arthur said, "But we might, who knows where the next few years will take us. Anyway if the Sydney Bridge tour is as good as that chap said, I'd willingly give it a go." Merlin just laughed and told him to stay where he was and then walked around the pool and positioned himself so that he could focus in on Arthur between two of the columns with the pool in the foreground.

As they entered Bath Abbey which was founded in the eighth century, Merlin mentioned, "The Anglo-Saxon King Edgar had his second and formal coronation here in 973 as King of the English."

"I know someone who would have liked that…" Arthur muttered.

Merlin had been miles away so he said, "Pardon?"

"Arthur would have liked to have been crowned King of all England."

Looking quizzical, Merlin finally laughed saying, "At first I thought you had regressed to baby talk, you know 'Arthur is tired and Arthur doesn't want his supper.' However, I'm now back on the same track as you, and I agree that King Arthur would have been in his element as King of England.

"I also found out that King Edgar was later buried at Glastonbury and there have always been rumours that that is where your King Arthur is buried as well. This Abbey was also originally an Anglo Saxon monastery, which the Normans replaced with a massive cathedral."

Merlin then reminded Arthur of his history classes about Henry VIII's dissolution of all monasteries throughout England and the abbey had then lain in ruins like Glastonbury. However by the early 1600's, the church was again being repaired and flourishing exterior touches were added such as the flying buttresses and pinnacles which Arthur felt sure were to keep the pigeons and seagulls off. Merlin just looked at him and shook his head.

Arthur insisted with a grin, "But you saw the signs from the Bath Council asking people not to feed the seagulls. Maybe pinnacles were a very old pest management programme."

Merlin laughed, "Sometimes, I wonder about you?"

"And you realise that I make you laugh and you love me for that." Arthur smiled as he cheekily took his hand and brushed his lips against it. "Have to remember where we are!" he added quietly.

Merlin squeezed his hand and smiled back thinking, ' _Adeodatus_!'

They saw the West Front with its stone ladders with angels climbing between earth and heaven. The Bishop of Bath Oliver King had seen the sight in a dream and when the church was rebuilt he had stonemasons include his idea. This was the last great medieval Cathedral to be built in England.

The ceilings were worth the visit and a strategically placed mirror table enabled Merlin to take photos of the ceiling stone work without learning too far back, overbalancing and chancing an undignified back flop.

"You should be a tour guide. You even make it interesting for me!"

"As difficult as that is!" Merlin said with a grin.

"Well, if you know so much which is the oldest church in England?"

"St. Martin's Church in Canterbury, not the Cathedral but a parish church. Goes back to the times of Augustine. King Ethelbert gave it to his wife Bertha as a place to worship."

"You're a fount of information…how do you have so much space in your brain for all these things? Nevertheless…how do I know that you're not just stringing me along to keep me here so you can take more photos?"

Merlin nudged him asking, "Ever heard of Google? When you're not busy one day, you might look it up and see if I have been telling the truth. I think there might be older ruins but St. Martin's is certainly the oldest church still being used as a place of worship. I'm finished here, do you feel like lunch?"

"Yes, let's find a Costa's."

"But, Arthur, there are other eating establishments. Do you have stocks in Costa or something?"

"You're brilliant; I'm going to look into that once I get back to London!" He gave Merlin a grin and put his arm around his shoulder and gave him a manly hug.

Merlin twigged, "Arthur, you do! I should have know it. However, let's try to find something quaint and stay around here."

The idea of eating at the oldest house in Bath, appealed to Merlin. Sally Lunn had invented the Bath bun there and her house was really close. It was very small and very popular with the visitors and they would have had to queue, instead they ate in a little cafe nearby decorated with all things Lewis Carroll.

Merlin was impressed with his sandwich, it was a toasted full grain bread with Somerset Brie and grapes and he made such a fuss of it, that Arthur threatened to abandon him there until Merlin insisted he try a little of it and he was converted.

"But, it is so simple, Merlin, we can make them at home and eat them to our hearts' content!"

"Then they would no longer be a treat. I know my mother would enjoy it but Gaius would think it was sissified and prefer a crusty country roll, with Red Leicester and sour apple chutney," laughed Merlin.

"A man after my own tastes. Blue Stilton and pickle with a good lager, or Wensleydale with a plum chutney, that's a good lunch."

"So when the four of us go out, I can drop you and Gaius at a local pub while my Mum and I go to find a nice tearoom with more exciting sandwiches."

"You wouldn't do that as you'd miss me too much." Their round table for two was small and in the corner and Arthur managed to reach Merlin with satisfying results as he almost dropped his cup of tea.

"One day you will go too far and I'll disrupt the whole restaurant with my squeals of distress. The management will come running and you will be thrown out on the street for inappropriate touching."

"As if…! It takes a little more than a well-placed hand to illicit cries of distress from you, ask me…I know!" Arthur glanced at him and said, " Why, Merlin, I do believe you're blushing…you look adorable…are you sure we couldn't just rent a room instead of visiting the Weir?"

Merlin laughed out loud causing a young kid at a nearby table to turn and look at him, he smiled and the kid went back to his dessert. "Arthur, how did you get so far in the world of business, when you have a one tracked mind?"

"Because, my dear Merlin, until I met you, my mind was trackless…"

Merlin smiled thinking, 'Someone was watching over me the day, I agreed to supervise a foaling.' He said, "Although your offer is interesting, could we postpone it until later in the day, as I really do want to photograph the weir and its bridge?"

They walked down to the North Parade Bridge, so Merlin could get shots of the weir with Pulteney Bridge in the background. It consisted of three arches and is one of a handful of bridges worldwide with shops on both sides across the top, it had originally joined the old and new parts of Bath.

The weir was spectacular as instead of a straight fall across the whole Avon River, it was in the shape of a 'V' and from the 1600's, had been used to create a head of water to run the wheels used to power the mills. Arthur at one point felt that he should hang onto Merlin as he leaned far over the wall in an attempt to get a perfect shot.

As they sat on the train making their way back to Bristol, Merlin said, "Did you know that you can row from Bath to Bristol? I like Bath, I can see myself coming here every few years to refresh my spirit."

"May I come too?"

"That will depend if you can promise to behave yourself, Arthur."

"What…?" Arthur said.

"Maybe hanging onto me like a bear as I tried to get shots of the Weir was a little excessive."

"But I didn't want you to topple over, I found looking at the rushing water had made me feel slightly dizzy and I couldn't bear the thought of your falling in and being carried out into the Atlantic Ocean.

Merlin laughed, "I would have hopefully come ashore before then as I would have had to float past Bristol and surely some kind Bristolian would have fished me out. Then again I could have floated under the Suspension Bridge." He thought for a few seconds and then added, "But, thanks for worrying about me… _ti amo, Arthur_!"

They were sitting opposite each other on the train and Arthur leant forward and smiled saying, " _Sei l'unico per me_!"

"God, I hope that isn't what it sounded like, I understood 'a eunuch for me'."

Arthur started to laugh and couldn't stop, "That's rather frightening as I'm pretty sure it means, 'You are the only one for me!' I'd better check up on that before I use it again. I had no intention of altering your masculinity…"

"I should think not as then you would be without the benefits which I believe, you have grown quite accustomed to!"

Arthur blushed and Merlin thought his heart was going to burst.

-0-0-

A taxi took them from Temple Meads to the Hotel. Arthur made reservations for dinner on the way upstairs.

Merlin walked into their room grinning, last night they had almost had a fight as Merlin insisted they didn't need to be put up in such a luxurious suite. "Arthur, there must have been other less expensive rooms available."

Arthur had looked around the suite which in his mind was well decorated and where he would have expected to stay on business trips. "Possibily…! But we are still on holiday and you deserve the best of the best. If you like I can phone reception and see if I can find another smaller room for you. Mind you, you will then be lonely and so will I in this king sized bed, all by myself."

Merlin had looked at Arthur and had realised that to him this _was_ a suitable room. He wasn't trying to impress him. He had decided to accept that and had said, "It's a lovely room, Arthur, I was just a little surprised by its size."

"I don't do things in half measures, Merlin, I have big plans for tonight."

Next morning Merlin had to agree that the bed had been especially comfortable and the en-suite with its double showers and jetted spa bath was wonderful. They'd had room service for breakfast.

-0-0-

"Arthur, I was checking the route. Let's not take the car, it says here we can take the train to Weston-Super-Mare and then a bus. The Wells bus goes through Cheddar and we can get off to visit the Gorge. Interested?"

"Yes, I was in Cheddar as a kid with Tess and drove Dromo mad by climbing up the rock face. Think he was scared I'd wander off and he'd have to phone my father, that his 'one and only' was missing in the wilds of the Cheddar Gorge. Tess was much better behaved as after the caves she stayed with Peggy and they wandered around the mill pond gardens and the souvenir shops. I remember that there is a great ice-cream parlour and the caves were fun. Is there a Costa's?"

Merlin said, "Hang on…" He took his phone and smiled saying, "Well, actually there is! It's up near the caves. Let's include that in our plan for the day. You can be the tour guide as I have never been there."

"I don't think I retained enough about the place to make it worth repeating but there is a double decker that goes up the Gorge, we should certainly take that."

Merlin kept searching and suddenly said, "Arthur, they have donkeys on the beach at Weston." His eyes lit up, "As a kid, I went on donkey rides when Gaius took us to the seaside. Arthur…?"

"You want to go to Weston instead of Wells?"

"Both, please."

Arthur looked at Merlin, he asked so little and he was in no hurry to get to London so he patted the side of the bed. As Merlin sat down beside him, he said, "How about we extend our holiday by another night? We can stay over in Weston, then we are halfway between here and Wells. You can visit there and also play with the donkeys on the beach."

"I'm a little old for that…" Merlin said sadly.

"Well, you could give them the once over health wise and then you could take photos of them. I think they love having their pictures taken. How long will it take to get there?"

"By train, it's thirty-five minutes."

"Well, we're ready so why not go? I'll cancel this room. Can't guarantee that our next will be of this calibre though."

They quickly repacked, putting what they would need for an overnight into one bag and arranged to leave the other luggage in the hotel's care and Arthur's car in the hotel parking garage.

"Arthur, if necessary, we can sleep on the beach."

"Don't think the council will approve of that. I'll find a hotel, right on the ocean. So we can hear the waves at night."

Sitting on the train, they both searched for hotels. Nothing suited Arthur as he didn't want to be separated from the sea by the Promenade. Merlin was the one who found a hotel separated from the ocean by its private terrace and a public seaside path. He phoned and they had a cancellation on a seafront room. Arthur nodded to him and Merlin gave the receptionist his information. Mentioning that their bag would arrive by taxi and he would phone from the station with the cab company and driver's number, didn't seem to be a problem.

"The hotel usually deals with the WSM cab and car hire company. We recommend them. Will you be wanting a dinner reservation?"

Merlin mouthed 'Dinner?' Arthur nodded so he said, "Yes, please."

They left their luggage in the capable hands of a taxi driver and took the eleven o'clock bus to Wells. The trip was interesting and Merlin was surprised to see Glastonbury Tor in the distance. He pointed it out to Arthur who would only comment, "Oh, my poor legs remember that trek."

They drove by the Cheddar Gorge and Merlin got a glimpse of the rock formations. "If we have time on the way back, we can stop for coffee," said Arthur with a smirk.

-0-0-

Wells was worth the trip. They walked through the old town and into the market place. There Merlin took over and Arthur happily followed him around. They entered through the Bishop's Eye and were drawn towards the moat with its swans and the ruins of the Great Hall. They visited the Bishop's Palace and its gardens before arriving in the area of the Cathedral. Arthur hadn't seen anyone so excited by cloisters and porches. He had to acknowledge that the 12th century cathedral was impressive.

Melin was in his element, he had his good camera and the light was perfect. He was mesmerised by the literally hundreds of medieval statues on the West Front. Finally they entered the Cathedral and Merlin purchased his photographer's permit. Arthur was shocked at how beautiful the interior was. He was fascinated by the scissor arches once Merlin had pointed them out. They wandered around and Arthur read the wall inscriptions and the names on the graves which lined the aisles.

On the hour, they watched the knights on the medieval clock, chase each other. An old door nearby led them to the Cloister stairs and Arthur stopped in astonishment, they were regal and led to the Chapter House. Merlin confided that he'd read, that they were the most photographed stairs in England. Arthur was impressed, the natural stone seemed almost blue and he hoped that one of Merlin's photos might be worth framing as he was so taken with the sight.

In the chapter house, the ribbing in the ceiling was lovely however, it was the stairs to it which had captured Arthur's heart.

They went outside and walked along through the Beggar's Porch back into the town. Merlin had Arthur standing there dolefully with his hand out but decided that his demeanour wasn't such to convince anyone that he was actually penniless. So, Merlin posed, hunkered down and actually could have passed as an affluent beggar because his jeans and his good jacket gave him away.

He kept stretching out to Arthur pleading, "Sire, a farthing for a poor man," which had Arthur in stitches especially as a passerby getting in on the act threw him a five pence coin which he adroitly caught.

"Thank you, kind Sir, you will be in my prayers."

"And you in mine…" the stranger said as he smiled and left.

"Arthur at this rate, by the end of the afternoon I might have enough to buy you a coffee."

They turned and made their way past the market stalls where Merlin bought his mother a tea towel with sketches of Wells. Arthur said, "Merlin, surely you can do better, how about a glass paperweight or even some jewellery."

"No, she wouldn't be happy. She always says, 'Don't you go wasting your hard-earned money on me!' However I do, especially on her birthday and at Christmas!" He laughed and patted Arthur's shoulder, "Guess I should be saving up for your Christmas present as well."

"No need to, as your being with me is a daily present. Nothing could be better than waking up and finding you beside me or phoning you and having you answer the phone." He leant over and quickly kissed Merlin on the cheek.

Merlin glanced at him and saw out of the corner of his eye a young couple giving them the thumbs up. He smiled deciding that there were some understanding people in the world. He wasn't one for public displays of affection but he slipped his arm around Arthur's waist as they walked back to the bus station. It felt nice walked along so close to Arthur and any unfriendly looks they received, they laughed off as they would probably never see those people again. Arthur wished it had been nighttime and the streets had been empty and Merlin and he could have slipped into a doorway and exchanged kisses.

In no time, their bus arrived and they settled cozily against each other. It was gone five o'clock so they decided against stopping in Cheddar. Arthur promised instead that once they got back to London, he'd order Merlin a wheel of aged cheese from the specialty shop in Cheddar

"What am I going to do with a wheel of cheese? For one thing, carrying it would probably give me a hernia."

"I'll have Kitty cut it into quarters or even eights. It lasts a long time and certainly Gaius would be thrilled to have a portion, your mother also. We could give some to Tess and Peggy and Dromo even Gawaine. Then I'd want one and you would soon only have a small portion for yourself. Yes, the more I think about it the more I think I am rather brilliant at buying useful presents."

"Great, you giveth with one hand and taketh away with the other!"

"Don't worry," Arthur said running his hand along Merlin's thigh, "tonight I will demand nothing for myself and generously treat you with all manner of boundless wonders."

Merlin removed Arthur's hand and placed it squarely on his own knee saying, "I think this belongs to you. Better claim it before it gets you into trouble."

Arthur looked disappointed, the bus was half empty and realising that no one was near them, he turned his head and said, "I guess public transport does have its limitations!"

Merlin laughed, leant over and gave him a quick kiss.


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23 : NEVER LETTING GO COMPLETELY**

The Waves Hotel didn't compare to the Marriott but it was clean and the view which Arthur wanted was great. It had a large conservatory dining room and as advertised the water was right there. Arthur threw open the bay windows so they could hear the waves. To his left in the distance he could make out The Pier, where tomorrow they would find the donkeys.

"I hope it's stormy tonight as it will remind me of the cave in Cornwall," he told Merlin, before exploring the bathroom which was small but clean. Arthur called, "Merlin, it only has one shower head and a rather small shower."

"We'll manage. We can take it in turns."

"What does that mean?" Arthur asked innocently while trying to seem difficult.

Merlin grinned as he explained, "Well, Arthur, in houses that only have one bathroom the family has to queue up for their allotted time for a bath. That probably sounds unbelievable to a rich kid like you. What we'll do is flip a coin and whoever wins, gets the bathroom first."

"And if I need to pee while you are showering…?

"If you ask nicely, I will let you in and keep my eyes closed."

"Well, _my_ eyes will be wide open."

Merlin went to say something and found himself pinned against the wall. "What time did you reserve for supper?" he heard Arthur say.

"Seven thirty… Why?"

Arthur laughed, "You need to ask? If I let go of your hands will you stay there?"

Nodding Merlin waited patiently and as Arthur slipped his hands down his body, he spun around and Arthur was now pinned to the wall. "Arthur I'm hungry and there isn't time for what I intend to do to you." He kissed his neck and his chin but kept pulling away as Arthur tried to kiss him.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a tease, Merlin?"

"No, everyone, including my Mum, Gaius and my friends, see me as a paradigm of goodness, kindness and respectability? How about you?"

"Well, Gawaine told me I was mean when I refused to let him drive my father's Lotus. Telling the others I was no fun as he would have let me drive it if it had belonged to his father. He made a big fuss about it."

"But not so big a fuss as your father would have made if he had returned to find that the car's paint work had been scratched."

Merlin relaxed and Arthur took the opportunity to claim his lips. He pulled back when he needed breath and said, "All right, we'll toss to see who gets the first shower but I want to sleep on the side of the bed nearest the window.

Merlin just laughed.

-0-0-

They didn't return to their room immediately after supper but sat out on the terrace enjoying the view. They found out that the lights in the far distance to the right were Cardiff. One of the waiters told them that in daylight they should be able to make out the Millennium Stadium by its white supporting frame. Merlin laughed and confessed that earlier he had thought it was an oil refinery.

There was entertainment in the lounge and they sat where they were, listening to the music and the singing, before finally deciding to turn in.

Arthur did get the window side of the bed, he fell asleep with a smile on his lips. Merlin was sprawled over him and he could feel his breath on his neck.

Merlin only woke him once during the night talking in his sleep carrying on a conversation with someone about donkeys. He mumbled and finally settled again. Arthur remembered the times he'd held him as his nightmares had become more than he could manage. He knew that they were becoming fewer and far between but he wondered if they would be a lifetime occurrence.

If Merlin could cope with them, so could he…the sound of the waves lapping against the seawall eased him back into sleep.

-0-0-

It was dawn when Arthur awoke. He went to the window and the tide was out leaving rocks and mud where it had been, no golden sands in this area. He saw two men setting up what appeared to be a series of nets across one section of the bay obviously hoping to catch fish and crabs as the tide turned.

He crawled back into bed and lay there quietly, running his hands lightly over Merlin waiting for him to come to, which he did with a little huff and whispered, "Arthur, it had better be your hands taking advantage of my body as whosever they are, they are getting a little personal."

Arthur smiled whispering back, "If I ever hear of anyone one else taking such liberties with you or even lifting a finger to hurt you, I will ship him off to Warwick Castle and he can be used as a quintain during the knights' next training session."

"Ooh, that would hurt!" Merlin was touched that Arthur felt so deeply that he would consider physical abuse and possibly murder to protect his innocence. The strange thing was that he knew in a way that Arthur was serious. For a second, a dark cloud of remembrance floated across his mind but no sooner had he acknowledged it than he was distracted by Arthur's hands.

They almost missed breakfast; however, they managed to slip in before the kitchen closed.

Arthur's hair was still damp as he had lost the toss and Merlin had had the first shower.

-0-0-

The weather was lovely and they walked down to the main beach area, Merlin taking the opportunity to take photos of Knightstone Island and its harbour. "I'd like to have a little flat here and my Mum and Gaius could come here whenever they wanted."

"Not while we are here though, it would be a bit crowded and cramp our style."

"Arthur, you have a one tracked mind."

"No, I don't, I meant that the table in the kitchen mightn't seat four adults."

"Right!" said Merlin not at all convinced.

They continued walking. Sure enough on the far side of the pier, they found Merlin's donkeys. Arthur was impressed as they were saddled and bridled but just stood around not tied up. If they had wanted to run away they could have.

Merlin noticed the large horse van used to bring them down to the sands. Far gone were the days when the owners just used to walk with them through the streets to the beach. Shame really as he'd read that they used to have favourite houses along the way where the donkeys would stop for handouts on their way to work. That would have been a great photo opportunity. He was impressed with their set up. There were large heavy plastic containers with hay as well as water containers. All the donkeys seemed in great condition. He was a little sad that he was not there in the spring as he knew that once the foals were old enough to spend the day on the beach, they did so in the company of their mothers.

He had a great time taking their photos and chatting with one of the owners. He asked about runaways and the man laughed and said, "Why would they want to run away from fresh air, good footing, great company, good hay and plenty of drinking water, not to forget a lift to and from home?" He did acknowledge that not all donkeys were suitable to be beach donkeys and he always had plenty of people hoping to get a retired donkey of their own. "They're great company for horses and live to a ripe old age."

Merlin laughed and said that he would keep that in mind, if he ever had enough space. The wheels in his mind were clicking over that maybe Gaius would like a retired donkey for his paddock in Millsill.

He walked back to Arthur who was now seated on one of the benches on the prom checking his phone and keeping an eye on their overnight bag. "Did you 'donkey yourself out'?" he asked.

"I got some great pictures and the chap was so easy to talk to." He looked at his watch it was nearly eleven thirty. "Do you feel like a coffee?" Merlin asked sitting beside him. Arthur smiled sweetly and said something unsuitable under his breath. "That's not likely to happen here," Melin said laughing.

In the end, they walked into town for a coffee and got sandwiches to eat on the train. They made their way to the station and got the next available train to Bristol. On the trip, Merlin went through his photos and Arthur smiled to himself, as with his phone he had taken a picture of Merlin on the beach surrounded by inquisitive donkeys. Hopefully, it was of good enough quality to print off as he'd like to give it to him on his birthday.

Merlin wasn't surprised when the taxi took them back to the Marriott as they'd left Arthur's car there and the rest of their luggage but he was surprised when Arthur returned from the reception desk with a keycard and the concierge offered to take their bags to their room.

"We're going to stay over another night as I have an exciting idea for tomorrow." Merlin perked up he liked anything exciting if it involved Arthur.… "Thought this afternoon we should have closer look at Bristol, you can choose where we eat supper and then tomorrow leave for London via Cirencester as I have always wanted to see the source of the Thames and whenever I've been returning from Cornwall with Gawaine, he's never been interested as he was always eager to get back to London and his social life."

Merlin was all for it. He'd like to see the source of the great river which flowed past Arthur's condo on its way to the North Sea. If the Thames source was near Cirencester, it would be fun to go there and check it out.

-0-0-

While in Bristol that afternoon, they visited the SS Great Britain a passenger steamer from the mid 1800's designed by Isambard Kingdom Brunel, with Arthur commenting, "He really got around didn't he, Clifton Suspension Bridge, Temple Meads Station, and the Great Western Railway and all before he died aged fifty-three."

Arthur also drove Merlin around Totterdown and Clifton giving him the chance to photograph many of the coloured houses for which Bristol had become known. Arthur assured him that if he lived in one of them, he'd paint it florescent orange.

Merlin said, That's almost a sacrilege, anyway you wouldn't be very popular with your neighbours would you?"

"Maybe not, however I'd be happy!"

'Selfish sod!' said Merlin as he ducked out of the way of Arthur's elbow.

"All right, Mr. I-Appreciate-Peoples'-Feelings, what colour would you choose?"

"Hugs and Kisses…"

"Merlin, that's not a colour, that's a rather pleasant activity."

"No, it is actually a paint name for a rather creamy mocha."

"Great! Well, I'm not living with you in a house painted that colour. Can you imagine the neighbours would call one of us Hugs and the other Kisses?"

Merlin looked out the window and laughed thinking, 'Arthur, you are so easy to get going.'

-0-0-

They left Bristol after ten and after driving just over an hour, were soon at the supposed source of the Thames. Arthur was disappointed as he expected to see a gushing spring and all there was beside a monument was a basin of dry stones. They were later to learn that there was only water visible after a bout of really wet weather.

Merlin was quite happy as he took a photo of Arthur standing under the ash trees beside the monument. "My Mum will be impressed even if none of your friends are. Nevertheless, I think we'd better be quiet about it in front of Gawaine as it would reinforce for him the fact that he never wanted to come here anyway." Merlin put his arm around his shoulders and Arthur laughed as Merlin continued, "Now, take a photo of me kneeling near the stones and I'll photoshop it to make it a bubbling spring!"

"Can you do the same for mine?"

"Of course, Sire, your wish is my command. Did you know that there is an amphitheatre in Cirencester not as grand as Caerleon though. Let's drive by it and hopefully see something. We have time don't we?"

"Certainly, though I'd like to get back to London tonight. You check the GPS and direct me."

They found the site with no trouble. There was no parking lot but an information board told them what they needed to know. It was fun as people were standing on the inclines and the acoustics were great as someone could stand in the middle of the amphitheatre and talk normally and everyone could hear what they were saying.

Arthur was all for going down and doing the same but Merlin tried to persuade him not to as he had visions of Arthur professing his love for him in front of everyone. He smiled and said, "I have a feeling that you might say something that would embarrass me."

"Smart man!" Arthur said and as the group of visitors thinned he ran down to the centre and turned around saying clearly, "I love someone dearly!" The few listeners who were left smiled and Merlin just shook his head. However, if he had been asked he would have acknowledged that hearing Arthur saying that in public had brought home to him the extent of his love. He just hoped that no one was there who recognised Arthur Pendragon and might carry the news back to London.

-0-0-

They arrived back in London on Thursday having taken nearly four hours to drive from Bristol, to Cirencester before backtracking to the M4. "Always wanted to do this but I would have had to force Gawaine if he had been with me." He laughed and turned to Merlin saying, "You are certainly more excited about places and things than he is."

"…and other things!" Merlin had added with a straight face.

Arthur still had a week's holiday and they had decided to do nothing too strenuous and spent one night in London. They lazed around the whole day and as it was nice decided to take a city tour of London. Arthur reading a newspaper as Merlin snapped photos, he glanced at him frequently thanking his lucky stars that his father had ponies.

There was a dark space in his mind as he knew that one day he would have to tell his father about Merlin and him and the sooner the better as someone might talk. He hadn't a clue as to what type of reception the news might evoke. He knew of a least two of their business associates who had sons who were gay but how Uther would take it was another matter.

Merlin broke into his thoughts as he said, "We should go to the Royal Mews as you might get some tips on stabling horses." Arthur had laughed as he'd promised that once they got back to Throgmorton he and Merlin would go riding. Merlin had assured him that he was a capable rider but that was to be seen.

-0-0-

When they returned to Millsill, Gaius told Merlin that he had been contacted by a solicitor who had been trying to track him down. He'd explained that his nephew was away on holidays but due to return that week. The man thanked him and said that he would call back.

Within a few days of returning, he was contacted by Mr. Malcolm Baxter of Penneyfeather, Baxter and Tuttle. He explained that he was a court appointed estate lawyer and he would like to meet with him.

"What is it in reference to?" Merlin asked politely.

"Until, I meet you in person, I'm sorry to say that I am unable to discuss anything but I assure there will be no court hearing involved. I just need to confirm your identity and have you read and sign some paperwork. You will receive a letter confirming this phone call within the week. If you prefer, I can come to your home at your convenience. However, should you have a solicitor I can speak with him instead."

Merlin explained that he did not have a solicitor and when the time came he would prefer to meet at Mr. Baxter's office. That seemed to satisfy him and he said that he would await Merlin's call.

Later when he saw Arthur, he mentioned it to him. He had laughed saying, "Sounds like a scam, probably a front for an off-shore illegal business. Wait until you get the letter and if it still makes little sense, I can run it by one of our men at work."

The letter finally arrived and Merlin was shocked. He just wanted to ignore it but Arthur said that he couldn't.

It seemed that in his last notarised will, Dr. Neil Carver had named Merlin as his sole heir. The amount of money and properties he was to receive were substantial but not welcomed by him.

Upon Arthur's lawyer's advice, a solicitor accompanied Merlin and the papers were signed just as quickly as Mr. Baxter had promised. He became a rich man with the flourish of a pen.

Mr. Baxter went to congratulate him but could see that he was upset and glanced at the solicitor who shook his head.

-0-0-

"I don't want his stupid money!" an upset Merlin insisted later that night.

"Then put it to use, give it to someone or something that needs money."

Merlin did as Arthur had suggested, dividing it between the Cambridge Vet School and the National Equine Research Centre. He never handled one penny of it. Neil's apartment in Cambridge and the house in Suffolk which he had never even visited, were sold with the money going to cancer charities and the ABF The Soldiers Charity.

Arthur knew that it had taken a lot out of him to even deal with the financial statements as he had mentioned one night that it was as if Neil was visiting him from the grave. All the memories, Merlin had successfully buried risked coming to the fore.

Arthur had contacted Adam to bring him up to date on what had happened. Adam told him that if Merlin needed to talk to him he would be available.

One night, Merlin had said something to Arthur which brought home the full force of what he had suffered. They had been talking about thatched roofs and how expensive they were to repair and replace them as it was a specialised job. "Thatchers are artisans," Arthur had said.

He thought Merlin had dozed off when he suddenly said, "Why won't he leave me alone?"

Arthur was a first confused but then he realised that the 'he' was Neil. He rolled over to face him saying, "He has, Merlin, he left that night at the hospital."

"Then why do I still feel tied into him?"

"It's just the money, you were fine before that and I think it will get better over the next few weeks. We have things to look forward to and this money mess will soon be nothing more than an annoying memory. You're over the worst part. Would you like to talk about it with Adam?"

He felt Merlin shake his head, "Did I do the right thing with the money?"

Although Arthur felt that some of money, such as the sale of the flat, might have been considered punitive damages, however he had stood behind Merlin's decision to get rid of everything. He was certain that he would have felt differently and would have wanted to use the money to his own advantage but then he realised he had not experienced what Merlin had, for him the money was tainted with his fear, his lack of self respect and his pain. It was his money and it was right that he did with it what he wanted.

He said, "You did the right thing, Merlin…"


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24 : TRUTH NEVER HURTS THE TELLER**

He woke and cuddled closer into Arthur. He knew that Arthur was the best thing which had happened in his life, when he'd mentioned an unwillingness to return to Cambridge. Arthur had supported his decision and encouraged him to take his time before looking elsewhere for a position.

Arthur deep down knew that he just liked having Merlin around. Financially, he could support both of them but he realised that that was not the answer. Merlin needed to have something to occupy his time.

Over the last months, Arthur had become friendly with Adam and Tim and they socialised frequently. Adam was pleased to see his Merlin taking a more active decision on his own life and he applauded Arthur for his support. He could see the change in Merlin as he was once again more like his own self. He was making his way in life and becoming more independent.

Adam condoned his wanting to separate himself from Cambridge, his two encounters over the last nearly four years had made him fearful and his unwillingness to face the memories in Cambridge, made perfect sense to Adam. He'd been through a lot and time was the only healer. So, he agreed with Merlin that leaving Cambridge might be a good idea.

"It doesn't have to be forever, why not request a two year sabbatical? That will give you time to sort out the more important parts of your life."

-0-0-

Merlin had taken a year sabbatical and then returned to Cambridge but to work in the Veterinary Research division. He had explained to Arthur that he loved the university and was unwilling at the moment to work anywhere else. He'd said, "I haven't forgotten what happened but I'm ready to leave it behind and I know that my future is at the university. I know there'll be times when I second guess myself, but that's why we have cell phones and I'll call you for a little encouragement."

Arthur had smiled, "I'm open 24/7 for phone calls from my Love."

However, Merlin was to find that he missed the students and within six months was lecturing again.

Arthur had insisted that as he was going to be invited to visit him, he wanted to choose where Merlin was going to live and he found him an upscale flat in one of the better areas of the university town.

Merlin had liked it but he wasn't convinced. Nick had told him the Mrs. Byrne's house was on the market. He liked that area of the city. He gave a lot of thought to it, until finally he had got up enough courage to tell Arthur that he had considered buying the building, planning to renovate it and rent out the third floor to overseas guest professors.

Surprisingly, Arthur after he had visited the house had agreed that it would be a good investment. He wondered how Merlin was going to cope with the cellar but he seemed upbeat and happy about the purchase price which he and Mrs. Burns had agreed upon, therefore he didn't mention it.

Merlin explaining that he would like to keep the ground and first floors for himself. He made no reference to the cellar. He wanted to put in a private staircase to access the top floor if there was room.

Arthur asked if he needed the second floor as Mrs. Byrne's flat on the ground floor had two bedrooms, bathroom, a fair sized eat in kitchen/living room. There was also a seasonal glass enclosed extension on the back.

Merlin explained that he wanted to have an office, on the ground floor and a large en suite bathroom up stairs along with a two smaller guest rooms, Arthur looked puzzled, so Merlin said, "One for my Mum and the other for Gaius. Sorry, but you will just have to share mine."

"Well, that's a relief as I thought I might have been sleeping on a roll-out in the conservatory."

Knowing the conservatory at Throgmorton, he though his extension was nothing more than an add-on which had a high proportion of glass. He laughed as he said, "It's all right Arthur, you won't hurt my feelings by calling it a seasonal room."

They walked upstairs and Merlin told him what plans he had in mind. The kitchen would be removed, an en suite would be built for the larger room and his old bathroom would be a guest bath.

"I want to keep as much of the original style as possible that's why I want to put in a separate staircase for the third floor."

"Don't know how much space there is, maybe you'll have to consider a lift."

"A house further down got planning permission to built an exterior staircase. It can be done but it is not a priority. Come upstairs!"

He walked back into the upper hall and opened a newer door and was faced by a flight of stairs. The unit had two bedrooms, a tiny bathroom, a kitchen and small living area.

Arthur was surprised, "How many people lived here?"

"A couple and their two young children..."

"Why don't you scrap the idea of it as a rental unit and turn it into two guest rooms, keeping the kitchen facilities and bathroom?"

"I don't need the space Arthur..."

"On the first floor, we could make a large master, with a great sitting area and wet room... Oops!" He laughed putting his hand around Merlin's waist, "Go ahead remind me that this is your house not mine and that I should mind my own business."

"Arthur, I really like having you involved, it will make it easier to live here. I spent two very happy years here until...know it sounds silly, but I'm scared of going into the cellar. It's so stupid...when I think of it I wonder if it made sense buying the place..."

Pulling him to him and wrapping his arms around him, Arthur said, "Give it a chance, you like the house. After you have finished the renovations and you find that you are not happy, you should be able to sell it for maybe twice what you paid for it. This whole area is being redeveloped. You've bought into a little gold mine."

They walked back down to Merlin's old flat, his furniture was still there. Merlin poked around in his belongings, showing Arthur various keepsakes. "These are my great-grandfather's war medals."

"Merlin, he got the Victoria Cross, why didn't you mention it?"

"It never came up in conversation, he's buried in the Pozières British Cemetery in Picardy, actually not too far from Pierrefonds. Maybe one day we could go there, he was with the King's Regiment (Liverpool) 17th Battalion."

-0-0-

Actually, the work progressed quickly. Arthur was excellent with blueprints and they had an architect and site manager working with them. Once every few weeks they went up to see the progress.

Merlin would get an open spaced, living room, kitchen dining area on the ground floor with a separate office. The conservatory as Arthur called it was to be demolished and a proper all season sunroom put it its place. Upstairs in Merlin's old flat, the master suite would be spacious, with an adjoining living room, a top of the line bathroom and attached area for the washer and drier.

As Arthur had suggested the top floor would also be renovated, updating the kitchen and bathroom area. Two bedrooms and a small sitting area would complete the floor. Merlin insisted that his Mum could have his room when she visited. "That's a lot of stairs to climb when she gets older," he told Arthur.

"Told you, you should have put in a lift!"

Merlin never mentioned the cellar and Arthur had taken it upon himself to see that it was spruced up. He had the floor redone, storage cabinets placed around the walls, the staircase was replaced and the room where Merlin had been kept had the door removed proper lighting installed and the whole place was whitewashed in a warm cream colour. A laundry sink and toilet were installed in one corner.

Once the work was finished, they had the fun of decorating the house. Strangely, they were both happy with what the other person suggested. Merlin laughed happily as within two weeks of it being completed, two real estate agents had approached him to see if he were interested in selling.

-0-0-

The first night they had spent there, Arthur was determined to chase away any shadows of Merlin's past life. He had wined and dined him and then they had returned to the flat. He had sat beside Merlin on the bed saying, "These last two years have opened my eyes to a completely new world. I want to thank you for letting me into your heart and helping me take the biggest step any man will ever take." He had smiled and added, "Happy Birthday, Merlin!"

Merlin had grinned back, "I was wondering if you were going to remember."

"Well, I could hardly forget with calls from Hunith, Gaius and even Nick. Open your card."

Merlin read it and threw his arms around Arthur's shoulders. On his lap lay two open plane tickets to Africa with the greeting, "Happy Birthday to the person who has made me what I am today, the world's happiest man."

Arthur was bowled over onto his back as Merlin threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. "I think we should celebrate…!"

Merlin lay looking at the man in front of him; he loved Arthur, there was no once else who made him feel whole. He smiled in the direction of the chest of drawers, where the little giraffe Arthur had given him had place of honour. Arthur and he would go to Kenya and he would get to take photos of giraffes with the Nairobi city skyscrapers as the distant backdrop.

He opened the package that Arthur had put on the bed. It was a picture of him and the donkeys on the beach at Weston. He did the stupidest thing that he had ever done as he burst out crying.

"Well, I didn't expect that reaction, is it that bad a photo? I thought you'd be so pleased."

"I am but to think that you have kept it a secret all this time and that you thought enough to take the photo in the first place."

He swung his legs over the edge of the mattress and Arthur said, "What's the matter?"

"Well, if I'm going to Kenya, I had better check my camera!"

Arthur laughed and grabbing him pulled him back beside him, "Merlin, it's an open ticket and I don't think that now is the time you should be leaving me in bed all alone. Do you?"

-0-0-

Arthur asked him to officially move in that Christmas, "Come down as often as you want, you can correct papers on the train!"

"But what about my place in Cambridge?"

"It's not going to run away it will be there when you need it during the week."

"Maybe I should get my own little place…?"

"Wouldn't that be a waste as you'd be here most of the time anyway? I'm not forcing you, just if you would like to…it would be nice." Arthur thought that maybe nice was the understatement of the year, as it would be bloody marvellous.

"Is it too soon? We've only known each other just over two and a half years. I've heard of people who wait a long time before taking that step."

"My dear Merlin, you are the one for me and whether you move in now or in five years, I want us to be a real couple."

Merlin turned and smiled at him shyly saying, "If you can put up with me for 24/7, I would love to live with you, Arthur."

-0-0-

The following spring, Arthur had a real blowout with his father.

Whenever, they were in Millsill, Merlin now always stayed at Throgmorton. He had decided that during a week when Merlin had gone to stay with his mother that he would tell Uther about the two of them. He had told Peggy and she had advised him to speak from his heart and hide nothing.

"You're an adult, Arthur, you are not asking his permission you don't have to, you are clarifying a matter and stating a fact. However, your father might have difficulty understanding but I believe that he will probably come around in the end."

As it turned out 'might have difficulty' was an understatement.

It was at lunch on a Sunday, when he took Peggy's advice and led into it slowly with, "I have been spending a lot of time with Merlin."

"So I have noticed…" his father had said looking up from his newspaper. He folded the paper and put it down on the table in front of him, "You know, you're cutting yourself off from your other friends."

"Father, Merlin and I…" Arthur blurted out the current situation. His father's face went deathly white and then red.

He stormed and yelled and threatening and yet he never touched Arthur. He left the room and Arthur sank down on the sofa. What had he done to his father? Arthur would have felt better, if his father had raised his hand to him but he hadn't. He'd left the room a broken man.

There was a tap on the door and Dromo entered and walked over to the cabinet in the corner and said, "Peggy thinks you could do with a drink…"

The fact that Peggy cared had him in tears.

Dromo said sympathetically, "Arthur, he's in shock. He's not a mean man he needs time to understand it."

He didn't see hair or hide of his father for the next couple of days.

-0-0-

Arthur could not function and he certainly couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned and wished that Merlin was closer as Cambridge seemed at the other end of the world. He'd spoken to him on the phone but he had not told him what had transpired with his father. Uther had said a few things about the two of them that hurt deeply and Merlin didn't need to be pulled into it just yet. Maybe by the weekend he'd have a clearer idea of what he was going to tell Merlin there was no need to get him involved right now. Time supposedly heals and maybe in time he would be able to face his father without the dreaded feeling that he had let him down. He hadn't; he just needed a way for his father to understand that.

He couldn't settle. His mind was racing in circles, not staying long enough on one thought to allow him to even get the facts straight in his head. As awful as it sounded, he knew one thing, Merlin came first in his life...before his father or his job. He was getting a headache, he got up and wandering into the bathroom and took two paracetamols. He went back to bed and tried to clear his mind so he could fall asleep and when he finally did, the sun was beginning to rise…

 _He's in the dark but knows that it's Merlin's cave in Tintagel._

 _The voice keeps whispering 'He is not for you!'_

 _It gains in force until Arthur has to clasp his hands over his ears but he cannot block it out._

 _He realises it is in his head as it growls, 'Your life is predestined, he will not be in it!'_

 _Then later a pleading, 'You are made for better things!'_

 _Followed by a threatening whisper, 'I will not accept this!'_

 _These words continued echoing in his mind…over and over again._

He woke with a start and then reality flooded in and he understood…

The next time they met face to face was at lunch in the executive dining room. Uther ignored him beyond acknowledging his presence and acted as if nothing had happened. Arthur who should have felt better, had the uncanny feeling that the executioner was behind him prepared to do whatever he was supposed to do when Uther gave him the signal.

It was two weeks before Uther even made reference to Merlin and it was in the context of asking if Hunith was going to be at Gaius's over Easter.

-0-0-

The first time Uther saw Merlin after his son's announcement was a month after Arthur's telling him about the two of them. Merlin joined Arthur, his mother and Gaius at Throgmorton for the traditional supper over the Easter weekend.

Arthur marvelled that Merlin and his father had not met up even though they had been often living in the same house on weekends.

Merlin had told Arthur that afternoon he was scared shitless. "Maybe, I should excuse myself and go to Gaius's." He smiled grimly and added, "Does Uther keep a gun in the house?"

Arthur smiled and said, "No, just a couple of hunting rifles in a locked cabinet. He's not going to hurt you, he blames me. Anyway, Gaius will be here and he and my father respect each other so I'm pretty confident we'll get through the meal fine...that is unless someone's poisoned the food."

They both laughed and Arthur hugged him saying, said, "Come on, let's be brave and go downstairs and show my father what we're made of…!"

They went downstairs together meeting Dromo making his way to answer the front door. He said, "Your father is in the library."

However, Arthur stayed in the hall to welcome the two guests. Hunith and Gaius stepped inside and Merlin hugged his mother, he'd only left her a couple of hours ago but she knew he needed the hug more than she did.

Arthur said, "Hunith!" nodding at Gaius while he gave Hunith a hug.

She whispered to him, "Chin up, Arthur! It's going to be all right..."

"I hope so as I won't leave Merlin."

They walked into the library, Merlin with his mother and Arthur with Gaius. Uther got up, walked towards Hunith and shook her hand. She smiled at him warmly.

Arthur was sure his father steeled himself before nodding at his boyfriend.

Gaius greeted him and smiled at his old friend, putting his arm across his shoulders and giving him a hug. Uther had contacted him yesterday and they had a heart to heart talk about their two young men. Uther acknowledged that his son had seemed more at ease since meeting Merlin.

Knowing about Merlin's secrets and problems over the last four years, Gaius had honestly said that he hadn't seen his nephew happier. "Times have changed, Uther, when we were younger, people kept relationships hidden. I knew young men in vet school in the '70's forced because of what society would say of them and what their families expected, to make unhappy marriages to keep face. Today, young people are braver.

"Merlin has know since he was a teenager that he was gay. His mother and I accepted that and loved him all the more realising the problems he was likely to face in his life." Without revealing anything beyond that, he said, "He has had some rough times in his young life."

"I have nothing against him, Gaius, he seems a pleasant young man. It's just that I had hopes that Arthur would have married and raised children to carry on the family name and the company. But now…"

Gaius nodded adding, "Just think, it must have been very difficult for Arthur. His whole world must have been thrown into disarray when he realised the truth about himself. Yet, he kept control of himself and continued working for you without even letting on. You have every reason to be proud of him as Arthur is a good man, he is strong and brave, you did well raising him. His mother would also be proud of him and happy that he has found someone special. He once told me in passing that Merlin had opened his eyes to the world."

Uther nodded saying quietly, "Deep down, I know my wife would have loved Merlin. Arthur chose well."

"One day, when you feel comfortable, you should tell him that, Uther!"

They finished their whisky and Uther finally stood up and Gaius went with him to the door, "I'll see you tomorrow night, Gaius, you can tell Hunith about our conversation but let's not mention it to the boys, just yet."

Driving back to Throgmorton, he had felt a little better maybe he would be able to get through tomorrow night's supper without making a fool of himself.

Once the guests were seated in front of the fire in the library, Uther had asked Arthur to see that his guests were offered drinks. Hunith declined saying she'd be happy with the wine at dinner. Gaius had a whisky like Uther and Merlin settled for a beer, which he had no intention of drinking just sipping as he was on edge. Arthur to give himself courage took a whisky, the best that his father had. Uther noticed but said nothing.

They ate at the table in the formal dining room. Peggy herself served the meal with Dromo in attendance. Because of their presence, Arthur felt quite at home and he readily joined in the conversation. He was surrounded by people he loved and by a father he respected.

Gaius and Hunith were easy to entertain and his father seemed to be playing the genial host without any misgivings even including Merlin in the conversations.

For Arthur and Merlin the evening was a success. Everyone had got on nicely and if Uther had any reservations, he had kept them to himself.

-0-0-

Back in the city, Uther was surprised at how little attention was paid to Arthur's being gay. Business carried on as usual. No one seemed overly surprised or perturbed when Arthur invited Merlin to attend office gatherings.

Following the Pen-D Annual General Meeting at the luncheon attended by all directors, one of Uther's closest friends had even confided to him that Arthur's young man was very personable. He'd shook his head saying, "I wish my son had found someone like him instead of the moron he hangs around with! He's split our family in two. The younger family members and his mother accept the situation but I can't...I had hopes that he would have achieved better things in life." The man had paused before adding, "Maybe if his friend was like young Merlin there, I could have accepted it better!"

Uther had nodding and said, "It takes time...give the two of them a chance they might surprise you."

All the client's wives adored Merlin and there was an open invitation that Arthur if he were coming to their homes would bring Merlin as well.

Arthur had once heard his father happily comment to a family friend that it was handy having a vet in the family. Arthur was thrilled and later that night shared his father's words with Merlin, who grinned and said happily, "I knew my good looks and bubbly personality would win him over…!"

-0-0-

Years seemed to fly by and one weekend, Merlin and Arthur attended Gawaine and Tess's wedding at the Brompton Oratory located in Knightsbridge. The same church where years earlier Tess had married Alfred and Libby's father. Merlin had mentioned that Gawaine had told him that the Monsignor celebrating the Nuptial Mass had also officiated at the children's father's funeral Mass. He was a friend of the family and at first had not been taken with Gawaine but he had finally seen the good in him and the love which he had for not only Tess but Alfred and Libby.

Arthur was Best Man as he had agreed when Gawaine had asked him years ago. To his relief, Merlin wasn't asked to be the Ring-Bearer. Libby looked beautiful in her yellow bridesmaid's dress and Alfred looked smart and grown up for a sixteen year old as with his grandmother he had accompanied Tess down the aisle. Smiling at Gawaine, he had given him his mother's hand. Arthur had heard him whisper, "Take care of her!" and Gawaine had smiled saying, "Always!" He knew that Merlin had been taking pictures and he hoped that he had managed to get that shot.

Hunith and Gaius had been invited to the wedding as had Uther who had accepted and in so doing had renewed his friendship with Shirley Tessa's mother, his wife's friend all those years ago.

Arthur's speech had gone over well and in keeping with the ages of assembled guests he had not said anything to embarrass either the bride or the groom. He had congratulated Gawaine on finding such a wonderful woman who was willing to accept his offer of marriage and also made in passing a mention of Tess's first husband mentioning his bravery and the wonderful children they had had, Tess had nodded and given him a beautiful smile. He had already run this by her as he knew that the paternal grand-parents were also among the wedding guests.

Later in the evening, an older gentleman had approached him introducing himself as the children's grandfather and thanking Arthur for mentioning his son. My wife and I felt that we might have been outsiders at the wedding but we were welcomed and both your and Gawaine's mentioning our beloved son was appreciated by both my wife and I."

Merlin later told Arthur that he had never seen Gawaine looking so happy, "I'm so pleased that the two of them got married, they make a lovely family"

Arthur agreed adding that his father had recently said that Gawaine had surprised him as he had turned out to be a real gentleman capable of taking on responsibilities so unlike the terror he had been as a teenager. Merlin had laughed, he remembered Gawaine as having some crazy ideas even in the early days when he had been trying to impress Tess. "One nice thing, with Gawaine living in Millsill with Tess and family, we will now no longer have overnight guests in our rooms at Throgmorton."

Arthur had smiled saying quietly, "Not that I ever remember it cramping your style, Merlin!"

Merlin smiled, he knew that he was blushing but he didn't care. After all, what Arthur said to him was not anyone else's business. He had been so proud of him from the moment he had walked down the aisle with Gawaine until he had sat down to applause after he had finished his best man's speech and asked the guests to toast the bride and groom. That was his Arthur and even after all these years, just looking at him made his heart beat faster. He couldn't wait to get back to their condo.

-0-0-

Arthur and Merlin were at Throgmorton one Easter when Arthur had woken Merlin by whispering, "Happy Anniversary of My First Laying Eyes on You!" and had handed him a card. Merlin yawned and slowly opened his eyes.

"Open the card!" Arthur insisted.

"…and good morning to you too, Arthur. Bossy as usual!" Merlin said as he stretched and did as directed, "Arthur, this is sappy even for you."

"There's more," Arthur said handing him another envelope, inside there was a letter from a solicitor stating that he was now the co-owner of Arthur's Tower Bridge condo while a second document showed him as the co-owner of the Cornwall property.

Merlin looked at him questioningly, then he reread the letter managing to say, "But Arthur...?"

"What's mine is yours…" Arthur said simply.

Merlin had kissed him and replied "My life is one long anniversary!" He slid closer to him in bed, all of a sudden completely awake, "Well, I think we should celebrate that, don't you?"

Arthur grinned and looked at him, 'Was it really four years that he and Merlin had been officially living together?' He smiled broadly and said, "Maybe we should…"

-0-0-

One July night in Cornwall, Arthur woke up realising that Merlin wasn't beside him. He panicked and then his heart settled as he saw him bathed in moonlight, standing by the window looking out to sea. He was silver from the crown of his head to his feet. He looked ethereal and Arthur wondered if maybe he was only on loan to him from the heavens...

 **THE END**


End file.
